MMFD Season 4 Episode 1 - Expectations
by fanningon
Summary: This is the first episode of an 8 episode MMFD fanfic. This is a continuation of my season 3 fanfic - please read that season first! /s/10364666/1/Season-3-Episode-8-The-Show-Must-Go-On If you can, read it with the suggested music cheers m'dears xo


'Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want' by The Smiths

Finn stopped dead in his tracks as he came out of the bathroom. His eyes rested on Rhys, his hands on Rae's waist, saying something softly to her. Finn lowered his face, ready to turn away and go over to Archie, Tom and Chloe, but he looked back up at them through his eyebrows, his mind working over the scene in front of him. The vulnerable look on her face, Rhys's constant, calming demeanour. He envied that about Rhys; that he was always so calm, so capable of handling anything. He watched as Rhys's hand moved up Rae's side and she turned to look in the mirror at where he touched her. Finn felt his insides clench, but watched on, trying to keep his jealousy in check. This was not something he could be jealous about.

"D'you know Archer, I'd like a year… no, a month." She thought for a moment, "you know what, just a week, where there was nothing shit happening. No Liam in a coma still. No Izzy with fucking leukaemia. No worrying if Saul's gonna come back and kill me best mate."

"No Finn and Rae argument." Archie replied to Chloe and eyed Finn as he stood at the door to the bathroom watching Rae and Rhys talking. Chloe looked over at Finn.

"Oh fuck, d'you think he's jealous of Rhys?" She tutted and shook her head.

"Might be. If it's not bad enough that they fight so much, she has to go and become some sort of pheromone making factory to every straight guy in the world." Archie smiled tightly. "I'll be hearing him whinge about this all fucking night on the phone if this keeps up." Chloe looked at Archie from the corner of her eye and looked away. She hadn't told the gang yet that Rhys and her had started to see each other. It wasn't anything official, or serious even, just a meal here, a drink there. He hadn't even tried to kiss her yet, but it was obvious he wanted to; he was just taking her lead and enjoying the delicious build up. At least that's what she hoped was going on, and either way she was enjoying the lack of pressure. But she had made it very clear to him that they were not together and she was still seeing other people and he had accepted that with a silent nod of the head. Sometimes she didn't know what to make of him. Did his silent acceptance mean that this was nothing important to him? Or did it indicate that he respected her wishes and would not argue with her? But what she did know was that she enjoyed the small private moments she shared with him, the parts of him she got to see that he rarely showed in his workplace. Tom looked on and shrugged.

"Body language is all wrong." Tom said, "Rhys isn't that into Rae." Chloe supressed a smile. Tom had a knack for this kind of thing. "There's a little bit of interest there, make no mistake about it. I suspect if she were single he'd be more keen." Tom continued, "But she's not, so mostly, he's not into her."

"Yeah but look at Finn, I think he's jealous." Archie answered and all three of them turned their eyes to Fin; his body clenched, an intense and focused glare on his face.

"Boy needs to calm down." Tom noted. "But that's not all jealousy." Tom said, "I'd say it's 90% worry." Tom took in Finn's body language. "They fight again?"

"Yep." Archie said with a grim smile.

"He's probably worried about whatever they argued about then." Chloe shrugged and then sighed. "Is it always this hard?" She asked sadly, "is this what being an adult's like?"

"Pretty much." Tom answered with a sympathetic smile.

"So it's always this constant? Like, something's happening, or someone does something stupid or someone's in trauma cos o' something in their past…"

"Yep." Tom answered, "All of that and crushing boredom." He grinned, "And wondering if you're doing the right thing. And worrying about useless shit. And my favourite; paying bills."

"Well that's depressing." Archie told him and Tom shook his head.

"My mother and father had a car accident before I was born. My dad rear ended someone, it was bad. My mum had to be cut from the car after hours of being trapped. She nearly died." Tom took a sip of water from his drink bottle and continued, "to this day she still shrinks back into her seat a little whenever dad tailgates." He looked down, "when I was little I used to think that trauma was never-ending and all-encompassing because of that little backward shrink. And to a certain degree that's true. There's always something happening to someone… always something, you know? And there are some things you never get over. But my mum still loves going on long country drives with my dad." Tom said with a grin. "You learn to cope." He looked at Chloe, "You learn to get joy from life." His eyes flicked to Archie, "You find love… and sometimes that's love of a person, sometimes a thing, or a place… but when you find it, everything's worth it." He shrugged, "you just learn to cope in whatever way seems best to you." Archie wanted to kiss him, but knew that this was his place of work, so controlled himself and beamed happily at him instead.

"And here." Rhys said as his hand finished moving down to her hips. "Why do you ask?"

"It's just nice looking like I lost weight." Rae looked at her reflection again and pulled her shirt tighter around her stomach to look at the changes in her body.

"But you have not lost weight. These areas have just become more toned." He turned her around, his hands using her hips as leverage. "Why would you think it is nice to lose weight?" Rhys lowered his hands, his eyes betraying concern.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"The body only naturally loses weight under two circumstances." Rhys answered, "One, you are sick. Or two you are starving." He looked hard at her, "Why would you think either of these are good?"

"Or option three, you're doing an amazing training program." Rae countered trying to grin.

"But you have not lost weight." He reminded her. "Your body has toned up slightly. You have lost a small amount of fat tissue and gained some muscle tissue in return. But your weight has remained constant, as has your overall body shape." He looked at her reflection in the mirror. "This is always my intent when training. I will not push your body into what are essentially death scenarios." Rae gave him a confused look.

"Losing weight is not a death scenario. Staying fat is." Rhys narrowed his eyes slightly and looked down at her from his commanding height of 6 foot 5 inches.

"I'm sure those who treat anorexics would disagree with you." Rhys answered imperiously. Rae felt a stab at her heart as her mind went to Tix.

"But I'm not anorexic." She answered defensively. "I've had an anorexic friend, trust me I know about this."

"How many calories in an egg?" Rhys asked her unexpectedly, dismissing her defensiveness.

"What size?" Rae shot back.

"Sixty grams."

"335 kilojoules." Rae answered without hesitation.

"And an apple?" He asked her, "120 grams." He answered before she asked.

"Um…" She searched her memory, "250 kilojoules." She answered confidently.

"And which is healthier?"

"The apple of course."

"That's not correct." Rhys said softly, "They are equally healthy. And after a workout, I'd prefer for you to eat an egg than an apple." He said pointedly, "Protein is important for your body to maintain your muscles." He held up a hand as she started to respond, "You replied apple simply because it has less calories."

"No I didn't." Rae answered getting annoyed at Rhys.

"And how would your anorexic friend have answered?" Rhys licked his lips and watched her responses carefully, "if they were forced to eat one, which would they choose?" He watched Rae's face grow uncomfortable, knowing that the answer was apple. "And do they know all the calorie counts of just about everything too?"

"She did." Rae admitted.

"So she died?" Rae nodded slowly, "There are two ways the body loses weight." He reminded her sternly and watched her lower her eyes. "What I find the most disturbing is that we as a society do not acknowledge this fact." He turned her back around to look in the mirror. "So instead of simply accepting that people come in all shapes and sizes we encourage people to think like anorexics, to starve themselves to fit into a body that is not natural to them." He looked at her body in the mirror, "So you want to look like a model because we hold them up as ideal." He shook his head slowly, "But not everyone looks that way, nor is it the ideal picture of health. Many of those girls are underweight to what is natural to them." He saw her confused look, "some people are naturally thin, but some people work hard to be that thin. That is not good or natural for your body." He took a deep breath, "Now there is a multi-billion dollar industry set up to tell you that you can be something that you are not naturally meant to be." He looked at Dean, one of the other trainers in the place; he was working with a very thin woman and Rhys drew Rae's attention to them, "And there are certainly trainers here that will teach you to not feed your body the fuel it needs to sustain itself, and to overwork its muscles until it cannibalises itself in a desperate struggle to survive." They watched Dean and the thin woman as Rhys spoke, "but I am not one of those trainers." He looked back at her face sternly, "and you should not be one of those clients. You must be kinder to yourself."

_Again those words._

_Kester always tells me I need to be kinder to myself. But I have been! _

"It is a cruelty to yourself to not eat what your body desires and needs to sustain itself. You must give your body the fuel it requires Rae." Rhys said, "Or I will no longer train you."

"You can't. Elsa said-"

"Elsa would not want me to train you if she knew what you are doing." Rae looked away.

"I'm not starving myself." She looked back at Rhys's unimpressed face, "I've done worse than this!" She said as if it excused the way she had been curtailing her food these past two weeks.

"I train people to be powerful, to be strong in their bodies and to be healthy." Rhys answered. "I do not train people to become weak, to falter and to be unhealthy." Rae felt like she had let Rhys down. She hated feeling like she'd let people down.

"I just wanna be smaller. Healthier." She tried to add to get him onside.

"Those are two different things Rachel." He watched her furrow her brow and nodded back to the woman with Dean, "You're healthier than she is."

"Not a chance." Rae looked at the way her tiny frame moved as she boxed.

"You can run further, you can hit harder, even taking differences of weight into account. You have better muscle tone and your hair is not falling out because you refuse to eat anything with fat of any kind in it." Rae looked at her again. "She needs to be at least 15 kilos heavier to be her natural size." Rhys looked at Rae with an urgency in his face that made her pay heed. "You are naturally bigger Rae. Just as I am naturally tall. You can definitely fight your genetics and make yourself take up less space in this world; make yourself something other than you are. Or you can be what you are meant to be, and work with what you've got. You can be healthy or unhealthy. You are quite healthy now, except for your current eating habits." Rae lowered her eyes.

"I…" She paused, not sure what she was about to say, "I can't stand the idea that I might never be thin." She admitted painfully.

"I always wanted to be a short cute man." Rhys answered and Rae gave him an incredulous look. "No really. Instead I'm a tall guy with a stern face." He shrugged, "Some things are not meant to be." He put his hands on her shoulders comfortingly, "I will work on your health, on your strength and power, and we can work on flexibility or stamina, anything like that. But I will not work on deliberately changing your body into something it just isn't." He gave her a small smile and added, "Your body will change with all the training we're doing, you've seen that already. But let it change naturally Rae, into what it's meant to be when you're at peak health, rather than starve it into what society tells you it should be." He put his hands on her waist. Rhys was always touching people. He once touched Finn's arse to point out the change in muscle tone since they'd been working on his core strength so much. It was just Rhys's way. "As I said, you've toned here, his hands ran along her sides, "and here." He lifted her arms, "And here." He looked at her firmly, "and this was all done while you were eating the amount of food you need." Rae nodded slowly. "I know a little something about society judging you based solely on the way you look Rae." He said honestly and Rae had to smile. A 6 foot 5 inch, 130 kilos of solid muscle, black man with tattoos and a bright blue goatee, who always wore nail polish and occasionally dresses… yes she supposed he did know what that was like. "Don't let them win." He said fiercely, "don't let them kill who you are." Rae felt an upsurge of affection for Rhys.

"Thanks Rhys." She lowered her eyes, "I don't know why I did this again."

"Because there's always wolves at the door Rae. Always." Rhys answered, "And old worries and habits don't die just because we want them too." Rae nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. "The next time you feel like restricting your food, you come talk to me instead." He said authoritatively.

"Alright."

"And let Finn feed you when you get home. That lad worries about you more than racist folk worry about me." Rae had to laugh, it was a sad laugh; it was rare for Rhys to make any sort of a joke, but when he did, they were always barbed like this.

"He asked you to talk to me." She said knowingly.

"Of course he did."

"We had a right proper row about this." Rae shook her head, "oh I were a bitch to him." She fretted.

"He doesn't see it that way." Rhys soothed, "Of course." He added with a wry grin. "I don't usually comment on people's relationships, but that boy's got it bad for you." They shared a grin. "Go talk to him… sort it out." Rhys ordered, and as always, Rae obeyed. Rhys was not a person to disobey.

Finn watched her walking across the gym, as soon as she saw him she headed straight to him. He felt his stomach clench, worried that he'd overstepped his mark by asking Rhys to talk to her, worried that it hadn't worked, worried that she was still angry with him. He hated spending last night apart. He'd hated the way she hadn't looked at him during their training session this morning. He'd already previously mentioned to Rhys that Rae had body image issues and a complicated relationship with food, when he'd first started training her, just as a precaution. So in desperation he'd asked Rhys, in hushed tones, while Rae and Chloe sparred, if he could talk to Rae about the way she had been skipping lunch for the past 2 weeks. He hadn't expected Rhys to say yes; Rhys tended to keep out of people's private lives. He had been nervously elated that Rhys had agreed to do it. He hadn't expected the opportunity to come up so quickly, but Chloe had wanted to try dealing with two attackers, and Tom and Archie had agreed to help. So he had excused himself to go to the bathroom, giving Rhys a meaningful look as he left.

Now he was watching her walk towards him.

"You got Rhys to take me on?" She asked as soon as she was close enough to talk to him, "Rhys? Talk about sending in the big guns!" She shook her head, "why the fuck would you get Rhys to talk to me?" The tone in her voice made Finn grit his teeth.

"Guess I'm not man enough to deal with your worries." He shot at her. And instantly hated himself for getting defensive.

"You could have just said you did it cos you worry about me." Rae threw him a bone, "that might have been a nice thing to say. Might have ended our argument quicker." She stood with her hands on her hips, waiting for him to answer her.

"I thought that were obvious." He answered honestly. "I try not to say the obvious."

"Well obviously," Rae said with a tight sardonic smile. "Sometimes I need to hear the obvious." She waited for him to say something. Finn hesitated. He wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear, but he worried that he was becoming too obvious for her, too easy to read.

"I worry about you." He said reluctantly, "And I know Rhys got a way with words that I don't." He looked down, "I'm not sorry but. And I won't say I am to stop the argument. Cos I won't lie to you like that." He looked up at her, "I won't ever be sorry."

"You think that all you did was try to save me from myself." Rae felt annoyed at the way he was handling this, and she refused to simply give in for the sake of ending an argument; he needed to see this, "But what you really did was betray my confidence." She shook her head, "I don't want everyone knowing that I…" She stopped short. "That I struggle sometimes."

"Everyone struggles Rae."

"Aye, but there's always wolves at the door." She shot back, "and you can't let 'em see you bleed Finn."

"Alright." Finn conceded, "But Rhys ain't a wolf. I knew I could trust him."

"Trust him with my privacy! That were my decision to make, not yours!" Finn watched the reddening of her cheeks as that temper of hers rose. A temper he quite enjoyed when it wasn't directed at him. He often felt paralysed when she was angry at him like this, and desperate not to lose her, he'd scramble for the right answer; to say whatever she needed to hear to sooth her. But not this time.

"Look are you gonna eat right or not?"

"Yes. Ok?" She spat angrily.

"Then I'm not sorry. Even if I did do the wrong thing."

"If?" Her mouth pulled in a tight line as she glared at him.

"Fine, I was wrong to betray your privacy. But I'm not sorry." He answered honestly, "I will never be sorry Rae, for doing whatever it takes to keep you safe. You better get used to that girl." She paused, bewildered as to how he couldn't understand.

"Knowing that I can trust you with my privacy IS my safety Finn." She saw a thunderstruck look come across Finn's face and gave him an unimpressed look, "How can you not realise that?"

"I just thought…" He started to scramble again, "I got Kester to help us…" He reasoned, "I thought a professional would help again." Rae understood his reasoning.

"Alright." She said, still angry. She looked away from him, not knowing how to move forward.

"I mean what else do you expect me to do?" He suddenly felt very insecure about how this argument was going. "You stop eating properly and you block me out when I try to talk to you about it." He stepped closer to her, "What am I supposed to do?" He looked around the boxing joint as if it would provide an answer, "last time this happened, you trusted me enough to listen to me when I told you to eat. This time you wouldn't even listen to me."

"It's not that I don't trust you!" She hissed angrily.

"No you just think I'm wrong." He glared at her, "what cos I'm not as smart as you, I can't be right about this?"

"Finn I've already told you that you're smart!" She said exasperated.

"Yeah and I've already told you that I like your body and you need to eat and yet here we are." They both stopped, realising simultaneously that this was still the same old fears. "You know Janice told me that the first argument you have in a relationship is the one you'll keep repeating for the rest of it." Finn said sadly. They both reflected; Rae missing Janice with an ache that was physically painful.

"This is still the same argument." Rae agreed.

"Same fear."

"I don't know how to stop it Finn." He took in her sad face, it was obvious how desperate she was to end this argument and he shared that desire.

"A long time ago, in a bedroom in the town of Stamford, you once told me that I had to let go of a certain letter, do you remember?" Rae smiled at the way he always remembered their shared past in such detail, she thought back to the disabled toilet; their first argument. Rae terrified she was too fat, that she wasn't good enough for him, and Finn not knowing how to handle it or what she had even meant; a growing fear that he wasn't enough for her in the back of his mind.

"Aye." She said softly, tears threatening to come, "I remember."

"And I asked you, how it was that I could possibly do that?" Rae nodded.

"Practice." She answered.

"Practice." He repeated and took her into his arms. She melted into his embrace, both of them feeling a deep relief that the argument was over.

"I'm sorry that I betrayed your privacy." Finn said, "But I didn't know what else to do, and I'm not sorry with the outcome."

"I'm sorry that this happened again. That I didn't let you in. I just knew that if I listened to you I'd have to stop. And I wanna be skinny Finn." She said with a heartbreaking tone, "I want it so bad." He held her in his arms tightly, not having one clue what to say to that, "So much bad stuff in me life happens cos I'm fat. If I were skinny none of it would o' happened…"

"But you wouldn't be you." Finn answered firmly.

"But you'd still love me. You like all body types." Rae answered in denial, "and no one would call you a chubby chaser."

"I sincerely do not give a fuck about that Rae." Finn stroked her hair and wouldn't let go her, even as she started to stir. Rae didn't know how to tell him that she did care, that every time it happened it felt like part of her died inside. "I love you the way you are Rae, exactly the way y'are." He whispered into her ear, "and everything that's led up to this point in time has made you who you are." She looked into his eyes.

"If you can't believe it about yourself, how can I believe it about me?"

"I do believe it Rae." He answered, "My fears are not the same thing as my knowledge. I know you love me. I do know it. But I am still afraid that I'm not enough for you." He acknowledged, "But it's getting better." He took her face in his hands, "is it getting better for you?" Rae thought about it for a long time.

"Slowly." She answered honestly. "Some days I don't hate my body at all. Some days I feel kinda sexy and kinda pretty." She acknowledged, "But…"

"Other days aren't so good." She nodded and he took a deep, sad breath.

"I'm sorry it's taking so long." She lowered her eyes.

"Don't even think about that sort o' thing." He pleaded.

"I just wanna be normal for you."

"I don't even know what normal is." He kissed Rae softly, "I just know I want you." He looked in her eyes, "Normal or no. I want you." He watched her eyes lower, "You wanna ask me why, don't you?" She nodded and he grinned, pleased that he knew her so well, "Cos your left boob is slightly bigger than your right one." His grin broadened when he saw the look of confusion on her face. "And you yell at the tv during football like they can hear you. And you're the kind o' girl that only got into football cos you wanted to keep me happy, and now you know everything about it, and I cease to exist when a game's on." He watched her face flush with embarrassment, "And cos you pretend you don't like Madonna, but you do a little." She shook her head, "I thought I could say the things I always say, like you're strong and funny, and smart and beautiful. And too fucking sexy for me to handle. You know – the overachievers of the reasons why I love you. Or I could go for the quiet achievers, the lesser known reasons." He stroked her hair, "I could fill a whole book with those."

"And you say you don't have a way with words."

"Sometimes they fail me when I need 'em most." He answered with a sad look on his face. "And sometimes I get lucky and they hang around, and do a pretty decent job o' keeping you in your place."

"Oh right?" She laughed.

"Like just then. Know your place now?"

"Yes." She said pretending to not be deliriously pleased with him.

"So what's your place?" He teased with a grin.

"Wherever you put me." She said saucily and his grin took on a dirty quality.

"I was gonna say happy and being adored by me. But if that's the game we're gonna play Mrs Nelson, I'll more than happily take it."

"When was the last time we played a little rough?" She asked with a shy, but very enticing tone.

"It were before Janice left." Finn answered softly; the mood dampened but not entirely gone. It had been 6 weeks since she'd moved out, and they had heard nothing from her since then. But it was best not to think about it.

"Right." Rae answered slowly. "So it's been a while."

"Aye."

"We should remedy that." She was sometimes very glad of the similarities in her their height, it made it easy for her to put her lips to his ear, "I want you to leave your mark on me again." She pulled back and he looked in her eyes like a lion caged.

"You sometimes flirt with a very dark part o' me Rae." He said longingly.

"Not nearly dark enough." She kissed him, biting his bottom lip hard and he groaned softly.

"I don't know if you really wanna get any darker." His tone was teasing, but there was a warning undertone, and also excitement, desire, and ache to explore this world further.

"I feel like being Alice." She stepped closer, her hand reaching between them and rubbing his cock through his clothes, "I wanna see how deep the rabbit hole goes." He shook his head at her as if to say 'don't tempt me.' But she simply raised her eyebrows at him, and deftly changed the topic. "Chop suggested London again in the break for you and Archie's birthday celebrations." She grinned as she watched the lion pacing at the bars to his cage, "fancy it?"

"I fancy throwing you on the floor and fucking you like a whore." He whispered to her and then scanned the room. There were dozens of people working out.

"Do it." She dared him and he shook his head at her.

"You don't really want me to do it." He nodded towards Rhys, Archie, Chloe and Tom. Rae looked over at them and turned back to him biting her bottom lip.

"Guess you called my bluff." She laughed and he took her hand.

"C'mon," he said, leading her towards their friends. They walked across the gym, Rae feeling that she might want to tease Finn with the idea of rough sex in public more often; the argument was almost entirely forgotten.

"All you guys ever do is fight or fuck." Archie shook his head as they came over.

"Same." Tom laughed and Archie turned his eyes to him, a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah but it's sexy when we do it!"

"Are you saying it's not sexy when we fight?" rae asked in mock outrage.

"No it's just fucking heartbreaking!" Archie responded, "You need stop it!"

"Are you two gonna go me or not?" Chloe asked and Tom and Archie turned to her laughing.

"Sorry!" Archie said and raised his fists.

"Never thought I'd be double-teaming a girl!" Tom joked and Chloe tutted and rolled her eyes.

"Stop it." She grinned at the easy way Tom dropped sexual innuendo into conversation. Tom nodded to Archie and they both started to advance on Chloe, ready to attack her. Rhys folded his arms and watched as Chloe worked through the moves he'd taught her, taking in every flaw in form. Slowly Tom increased the difficulty of the attacks he was trying on her, Archie trying to match him, and eventually Tom overpowered her and she had no answer to his superior skill, giving Rhys a good idea of where Chloe was at with her training. It was one thing to learn moves, but another thing to use them in a fight, to adapt and apply your skills in unexpected ways was the sign of a true fighter.

"Not bad." Tom said and Chloe grinned.

"Your adaptability is poor." Rhys cut over the top of him, "you are too unsure of your skills and your own strength." He evaluated her and Chloe nodded while Tom rolled his eyes at how harsh Rhys was.

"I wasn't sure if I was doing some things right." Chloe agreed.

"Seriously Rhys, getting a compliment out of you is like getting a straight man's arsehole open." Tom shook his head.

"Shit can get a straight man's arsehole open." Rhys countered, "and so can both of us." He grinned slightly, making Tom chortle, but then he continued straight faced, "She'll get the comments she deserves. Not some shit designed to make her feel better. She knows that."

"I like him being hard on me." Chloe told Tom, "but you're a sweetheart." She kissed his cheek and started to un-tape her hands, "So what are we gonna do this Saturday?" She asked excitedly.

"Steady on Chlo, it's only Sunday and we got a whole lot o' exams to do before then!" Archie shook his head.

"Yeah but it's the last week of school till summer break and Izzy's gets out o' hospital, we got the summer ball, and we got a big party to plan for some birthdays that got missed…" She smiled, "excuse me that I am optimistic that life is finally getting back on fucking track!"

"This year has been right difficult so far." Rae agreed, "I think we've earned a big party or three."

"What are you giving Izzy for a going home present?" Chloe asked and Rae grinned.

"A jade ballerina for her charm bracelet."

"Oh Izzy loves jade." Chloe said, "Good choice."

"And," Tom added, "You'll be graduating Archie, no more school for you."

"Off to university!" Rae congratulated him. Archie grinned as they all headed towards the change rooms.

"So Tom, you'll be coming to our birthday parties right?" Finn asked before he followed Archie.

"O' course!" He winked at Archie and saw his next client walking towards him, so gave them a little farewell wave. Chloe went over to Rhys and had a quick chat to him.

"Have you noticed how many private chats Chloe and Rhys have?" Rae asked as she looked over her shoulder at them.

"Not really." Finn answered, still keeping a fair distance from Chloe meant that he missed a lot of these small details. Over the last few weeks the situation had slowly improved, but Finn was still fairly frosty towards Chloe. Archie looked over his shoulder and watched Chloe and Rhys.

"She's getting into her training." He shrugged.

"I dunno." Rae mused, "Maybe I'm seeing things, but I think Chloe's back in town." Archie stopped and turned to look at Chloe and Rhys talking.

"You know Rhys best Finn. Is there something?"

Finn turned just in time to see Rhys motioning over his next client, Chloe walking away.

"No idea." Finn answered eyeing Rhys closely, he certainly hoped that there was something. That would make his life much easier.

'Where is my Mind?' by The Pixies

He leaned against her door frame and ran his fingers down the door, barely making a noise, but he wasn't surprised when the door opened underneath his fingertips. He looked up at her face. She looked at him commandingly, a deeply unimpressed look on her face.

"Whisky?"

"Yep." He said happily. She looked out along the street and shook her head.

"I am not your therapist, and I am not your alcoholics anonymous meeting." Her eyes flashed angrily.

"You say things like this to me every time." He was only slightly tipsy, but when he shook his head, he did feel the effects of the movement, "and yet every time I show up on your doorstep on Sunday at 2pm… you let me in." There were many reasons she let him in. Because she worried about him, because he was right on the brink of spiralling out of control and she wanted to stop that from happening for some reason. Because he was in pain, and she hated seeing big dumb animals in pain. She rolled her eyes.

"Come on then you stupid oaf." He grinned at her and lumbered into her house, going straight to her kitchen, looking in her fridge for food and a drink and bringing it back to her lounge room. He sat on the lounge and ate some left over roast chicken while she stood, arms crossed glaring at him. He looked up at her; another messy ponytail, but no make-up today, low riding jeans, but not so low as to show her underwear, no shoes, a black singlet top and no bra it seemed and he found himself trying subtly to ascertain this for certain. She was as magnificent as ever, even when she wasn't trying. She sat down on her arm chair, cross legged and put her hands on her feet, her blue eyes appraising him coolly. She leaned over and stripped a bit of chicken off and ate it, sharing the silence with him. She lit up two cigarettes and handed one to him.

"He still hasn't woken up."

"I know." She answered, "And you're still blaming yourself for his suicide attempt."

"I should have seen it coming. That's my job." Kester pushed the chicken away and leaned back, wiping his fingers on his jeans.

"It's funny that you say that about yourself but dismiss my desire to be able to see it coming." Elsa said dourly.

"It's not your job."

"You're a hypocrite." Elsa answered with no sympathy. "You expect something of yourself that you tell others they can't achieve." Elsa shook her head, "And like the fucking therapist you are, I'm sure you condemn that kind of behaviour in your patients."

"Yeah." Kester rubbed his face with his hands and looked dejected, "Yeah I'm a fucking therapist."

"Why do you even come here Kester?" Elsa drew on her cigarette as she changed position, crossing her legs and leaning forward to him, "You hate everything I say. Why do that to yourself?"

"It's therapeutic." Kester smiled bitterly, "You're kind of my therapist."

"Then you should start paying me the exorbitant fees you caring folk charge."

"I'm free for patients of the hospital." He said defensively. Rae didn't have to pay a cent; he'd even managed to get her couples therapy covered. Finn however was expected to pay, but Kester charged him the minimum his supervisor would allow.

"Well just because you're a cheap tart it doesn't mean I am." Elsa said with a grin and he grinned back boozily. "You gotta stop drinking at noon Kester."

"I know." He leaned forward and took some more chicken. "But to be fair it's my Modus Operandi when I fail."

"Well you have got to get a new one."

"I know." He looked down at his hands. "How have you been this week?"

"I'm doing fine as always." Elsa answered broadly, "How's Lizzy?"

"She's lovely." Kester said tightly, "And getting tired of my shit." Kester looked thoughtfully at the table for a moment and then flicked his eyes to Elsa, "Are you getting tired of my shit?"

"Are you?" She instantly asked. There was a long silence in which they stared at each other. Slowly Kester started to nod his head.

"Yeah." He looked away, "I am."

"I think these past weeks have firmly established that neither of us can blame ourselves for Liam's suicide attempt." Elsa took another piece of chicken and ate it, her eyes staying on Kester. He was silent for a long time again.

"Let me take you to dinner." He asked softly. It was not the first time he'd asked.

"I don't think so." And it was not the first time she'd refused.

"I suppose you'd prefer to go to a sex club or something." His tone was meant to be sarcastic derision, but he was too exhausted to pull it off.

"If we were in London I'd take you to one." She smiled enigmatically. "You probably need it."

"The education or the sex?" He laughed.

"Both." They were comfortable in the happy silence that followed, Kester's eyes lingering on Elsa when she looked away.

"You are a very singular woman."

"So you've said." She answered with an unimpressed air.

"And a very difficult woman." He added with a cheeky grin.

"That's how I like it."

"Why won't you let me take you to dinner?"

"Because I'm partial to the food I have in my kitchen."

"I can cook you something here."

"I prefer my own cooking."

"You can cook me something."

"I don't like to cook for others."

"I can bring my own food."

"And what would happen after dinner?" Their rapid firing stopped suddenly.

"Conversation." Kester said after a silence.

"We're doing that now. So why the need for dinner?"

"Why the opposition to dinner?"

"Because dinner has implications."

"It's a meal, nothing more. You choose what implications to put on it."

"Fine, why not another meal, like lunch?"

"Fine let's have lunch together." Elsa stopped and glared at him.

"That was your plan all along." She said slowly as a big grin broke out on Kester's face.

"I knew you wouldn't say breakfast because it has its own connotations." He admitted. She leaned back in her chair and narrowed her eyes at him.

"You're in a monogamous relationship, why are you playing with fire?"

"Because I'm cold." Kester tried to figure out the puzzle that was Elsa; she had been occupying his mind at a pleasantly consistent rate since he had first met her. He couldn't say it was entirely all non-sexual this fascination, but it was mostly an intellectual thing, with a small thrill of feisty sexuality thrown in.

"Well I'm not here to heat you up. That's not my job."

"Then stop letting me into your house." Kester answered with a tiny thrill of triumph that he hid admirably.

"Careful what you wish for."

"Oh I am, don't you worry." He answered with a slightly suggestive smile that made the corners of Elsa's mouth flicker up for a moment.

"Not nearly careful enough." She said in a voice that would melt the ice caps. Kester felt his breath catch in his throat. She'd never done anything even slightly sexually suggestive to him before, and being hit with a full blast of it had been quite unexpected, and it flustered his entire being. He remained astonishingly calm externally, given his internal state of turmoil.

"Remarkable." The word left his mouth before he had chance to chase after it and shove it back down his throat. She leaned forward with that enigmatic smile of hers, and picked up the plate of chicken and took it back to the kitchen, completely un-phased by their exchange, leaving Kester to think and furrow his brows on her lounge. When she returned she handed him a glass of water and sat down.

"You can take me to lunch on the following three conditions. One, your girlfriend knows about it. Two, you will be 100% sober the entire time. And three, you're paying."

"Alright." Kester agreed and sipped the water. "And what shall we do this afternoon?"

"I'll be grading papers. And you will be going home. Go make love to Lizzy." Kester chuckled and slowly got up.

"See you next Sunday." He said with a cheeky grin.

"Midday." Elsa said with a warning tone, "Not a minute late."

"Understood."

_'Under Pressure' by Queen & David Bowie_

The screaming resonated through the house. Rae took a deep breath and gripped her pen tighter, Finn's head was pounding and his heart was thundering in his chest.

He'd never been more anxious about schoolwork in his life and this exam didn't even count for him.

Aiesha bawled loudly, and Linda bounced her gently trying to sooth her.

"What did you do to her?"

"Nothing!" Rae responded angrily, desperately trying to focus on her English revision; the test was tomorrow. Finn was sitting the exam too, even though he had already failed English for this year; he wanted to get the practice in because he was quite anxious about doing advanced English in 2nd year. He'd only gotten a B- for his Yeats essay, and after the A for his essay on critical essay writing skills and A+ for his 1984 essay, he had been deeply disappointed with himself. But to be fair, he barely understood poetry at the best of times, and these past 6 months had been desperately difficult. Even Rae had gotten a B+ for the Yeats essay, which was similar to getting an F for her in English.

"Then why'd she start bawling?" Linda accused.

"I dunno. I'm trying to study for me exams mum!" Rae yelled back. Aiesha's cries took on a particularly shrill tone and Finn slowly put his pen down and looked up at the 'Earl' women; he thought of them as Earl women, even though two of them were Bushtats. He'd never even bothered studying for exams before, had never been so stressed and worried about school work in his life. And Linda's insistence that they do their homework at the kitchen table was not helping. There was always an interruption, a distraction, a discussion… Aiesha… she was quite a problem too when you were trying to study.

"Maybe she's teething again?"

"Mum, I don't care!" Rae said frantically, "If you want me to pass me exams I need to be able to study!" She pleaded. Linda waved her off and tried to sooth Aiesha, but all attempts resulted in louder screams.

Karim was at work tonight, and Rae just knew he would have been able to sooth Aiesha; he always could. Linda sat at the table with Aiesha and tried to sooth her as calmly as she could. Rae glared at her mum. Finn started to rub his temples; his headache was incredible and he just wanted to understand what the hell Yeats was going on about in 'Easter 1916' properly. Rae was fairly confident she'd pass English, but she'd like to get a high mark, and this stress was not helping; and she really did have to revise some of the things they'd both missed when they'd missed school on account of the stalker incident.

"Mum either you gotta shut her up-"

"I can't just shut her up like that Rae, she's a baby!"

"Or I gotta go upstairs to study!"

"You're staying down here!" Linda insisted, "If you go up there, you'll just have sex. And that's not studying either."

"Mum!" Rae retorted, "I've never been less horny in me life! I need to study!"

Finn breathed out loudly, exasperated and went to get himself a glass of water while they argued. He drank it at the sink and did himself another glass, trying to slow down his heart rate. The stress was really getting to him and he just needed for them to quieten down a little so he could get it together.

"I don't care about your stupid rules mum! How am I supposed to get the grades you want me to get down here, listening to her screaming?"

Finn watched Linda retort angrily, the volume and tone of her voice setting little Aiesha on edge, even as Linda bounced her. He watched them, his head lowered and pounding.

"We'll leave the door open." He said softly. They didn't hear him so he rose his voice, "We'll leave the door open!" He said in a loud, authoritative voice; much louder and much more authoritarian than he had intended. Linda turned her eyes to him and Rae lowered hers, worried that Finn had put his foot in it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. But we're wasting time." He said through the pain in his head, "So let's compromise. It's quieter up there, we can study. And with the door open, you know…" He shook his head and felt her eyes boring into him. Linda looked over at the clock. She had made the rule that they couldn't go up to Rae's room until 8:30pm, and even though there had been some grumbling from Rae each night that she'd been made to adhere to the rule, the rule had never been broken, or bent.

"It's only 6:30." She replied. Finn's eyes looked up at the ceiling in despair as he heard Rae start to reply angrily, but Linda cut her off, "The door doesn't close before 8:30. And this is only for the exam week!" Linda replied.

"Fine." Rae answered and started to gather her things together. Finn followed suit.

"Thanks Linda." He said to her as he followed Rae to the stairs.

She was groaning in angry frustration when she half closed the door to try and drown out the sound of Aiesha crying. She put some music on and threw all of her stuff onto the floor in a mood.

Finn sat down and opened up his books feeling far too unprepared for this exam tomorrow. No matter how many times he read the poems, he knew he was missing vast chunks of information, meanings, subtleties. He re-read 'Easter 1916.'

"Why does he repeat that a terrible beauty is born?" He muttered to himself. "I fucking hate poetry."

"He means the Irish rebellion, it was stoked up into a frenzy by the executions."

"Of the ringleaders of the Easter 1916 rebellion…" Finn's tongue worked on the spaces between his back teeth, "so it's beautiful cos it's about Irish nationality, and freedom and all that. But it's terrible cos it's violent and people are gonna die… have died." Rae nodded, "I really prefer 'Leda and the Swan.' It's easier to understand. It's so straight forward."

"You're such a romantic."

"Wait, isn't it about rape…?" Finn said confused.

"I were being sarcastic Finn."

"Don't do that to me right now." He answered with a slight sneer.

"It's not that hard, you know this stuff." She was trying to sooth him, but in her stressed mood, it came out almost as an insult.

"Oh yeah and how are you going with 'The Second Coming?'" Finn snarked defensively. He knew that it was the one poem she was really struggling with and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"It's a reference to post World War 1 Europe. And that the world of people is on the brink of anarchy, passing along Yeats's gyres from one way of thinking to another…" Rae said with a smug grin; she'd been chatting to Archie who loved Yeats and history.

"Fuck." He shook his head, "I though it were about the Bible?"

"Kinda metaphorically…"

"I fucking hate poetry! Why has everything gotta be a fucking metaphor?"

"Cos it's more poetic that way." He shot her a dirty look and rubbed his temples. "I can't even look at 'Long Legged Fly.' Rae I'm gonna fail this." He shook his head, "I'm not good at poetry."

"At least you got Utopias and Dystopias in the bag Finn." She reassured him. "If you don't do so well at poetry, that's fine!" He didn't have to do the Shakespeare element because he hadn't been in the class for that. He nodded.

"But I so wanna get at least a B."

"So nail the Utopias and Dystopias bit. Nail it hard." Rae answered, "And do the best you can with the poetry." He grunted in response to her and rubbed his temples. "Headache?" She asked sympathetically.

"Aye." He breathed out tensely.

"Well you know what's good for a headache right?" Rae asked with a grin. Finn thought back to the love caravan he'd set up for her all those months ago.

"Vodka." He replied with a wry grin.

"No Finn. Orgasms." She answered like he was an idiot. He gave her a quizzical look and she nodded her head. "Read it in one of Chloe's magazines." She grinned at him and kissed his lips.

"Finally one of Chloe's magazines pays off for me." He said and he laid back on the floor as Rae undid his pants slowly. His eyes turned to the semi-open door when he felt her fingers close around his cock.

"Huh…" She said as she took it from is pants, un-erect. Every other time they had come to have sex of any kind he had been throbbing and achingly erect. She'd seen him un-erect, but never just before sex.

"Sorry." He said, massaging his temples and closing his eyes. Rae looked down at his soft cock and smiled.

"It's so cute and little. Finn laughed at her and shook his head.

"Thanks." He said with an unimpressed tone. She put her mouth around his cock and felt blood instantly start to pump into it, felt it start to thicken and harden. It was so easy to take all of him in when he was un-erect. She groaned at the pressure of him growing hard in her mouth. He sighed happily as she moved her mouth along his lengthening shaft. He looked back at the door as he reached his full length and felt his cock pushing deep into her throat, as she kept her mouth around him. When she pulled back and gently stroked his hard cock, she was impressed. She never realised just how big the difference was between un-erect and erect, until she'd felt it growing in her mouth

"There's such a size difference." She marvelled as she looked down at his huge, erect cock. He groaned in response as she smoothly masturbated him, admiring his beautiful penis. "Erections are amazing." She continued to marvel and he grinned. She got comfortable and started to suck his cock in earnest and he groaned in appreciation, his hand finding her face and running his thumb down her check to her lips so he could feel his cock going in and out of her mouth, his eyes staying on the door. Finn felt an urgent fear of being caught creep into his guts and he liked the way it heightened the sensation of her swallowing his dick. The best moment was when she deep throated – there was this miraculous moment when his cock would get crammed against the back of her throat and then slowly push past the swallow point. That was the gold moment. He'd never had another girl deep throat him like she did; always seeking to take in his full length every time she went down, it was like she didn't know any other way to suck a dick other than with her whole throat. It always made him want to cum too quickly; watching his length slide in her mouth, hit the back of her throat, and then she'd push past the gag spot, to take in all of him. It was absolutely incredible.

"You gonna ride me girl?" He asked urgently and looked down at her lips around his cock.

"No." She whispered, the head of his cock still in between her lips, "This is just for you Finn." She slurped at his cock happily and he looked back at the door. This had never happened before; they'd never had sex of any kind in which he wasn't focused on trying to make her cum as much as possible. She'd never gone down without the expectation of sex to follow. His eyes rolled back in his head as he let himself focus entirely on what she was doing with her mouth; he was allowed to cum from this, this was just for him. He slipped his thumb into her mouth, feeling his cock sliding into her mouth, and curled his fingers under her chin so he could feel her jaw working hard to take him all in. He opened his eyes to look at the door. Aiesha had stopped screaming, which meant Linda would be up to check on them in any moment; the fear that she'd catch them increased, and it mingled with the growing heat in his groin perfectly. He focused on the feel of her lips, of the head of his cock pushing into the back of her throat and started to groan.

"Soon." He breathed and she groaned slowly to let him know she'd heard him, the hum of her vocal chords sending shivers through his spine and quickening his orgasm. He looked down at her as he felt himself reaching the point of no return, looked at her head moving up and down her eyes looking first at his cock and then up at his face as she went deep again. He was looking into her eyes, his cock buried deep in her throat when he came, gasping groans punctuating each spurt of ejaculating. She swallowed and then proceeded to suck and lick him dry while he gasped, his cock still sensitive. And then she gently put his cock back in his pants and grinned at him.

"Feeling better?" He noticed a decided lessening of the throb in his skull, his tension had eased; his body felt lose and almost relaxed. He could feel the headache fading away as he looked at her.

"Aye." He said slowly, "Much better." He slowly sat up and stroked her face, "Thanks."

"My pleasure." She said with a beautiful smile that made Finn's heart thud faster again; be he liked it when his heart beat fast for this reason.

"Now if only I'd said orgasms instead o' vodka back in the caravan!" He joked and Rae laughed and turned back to the poetry, Finn picked up 'Easter 1916' and slowly read it again, a happy smile on his face.

Linda popped her head around the semi-closed door and saw them quietly studying. She thought she'd heard something a little untoward as she came up the stairs, but she must have been hearing things, because they were fully clothed and focusing on the books.

_Dear Diary_

_Is it possible to keep falling more in love with someone every day? You hear things like that said, but it's not what I expected. It's so much more. _

_Most nights he falls asleep before me cos of me insomnia, and all I can do is look at his face. _

_Anyone who says he's not the best looking lad on the planet is lying. He's so glorious. _

_It's cute how worried he is about his marks. And he has such high expectations for himself. Gary says he never cared before, and I remember him telling me that he hated college and he were only there cos everyone else were. I hate thinking about that conversation. He left that night. Things have changed so much. Inside of me is different. And he's different. And we're different together. _

_People say that their love is like the air in their lungs. But I feel like he is me lungs. I never thought that another person could be so vital to me. _

_This time last year I were in hospital… and now I have a gang of mates that are like me own blood family. I don't know how I've been so lucky. Or how I even deserve something like this. It definitely wasn't what I expected when I got out of hospital. _

_Exams will be over soon, and I know a lot of people are expecting high grades from me… and for the first time, I think I might be able to do it. For the first time in me life, I don't feel like I'm letting everyone down. Course that just means that I worry that I'll start to. Gotta stop thinking like that. Gotta stop expecting the worst._

_After these exams, it'll be the summer holidays. It'll be a year since I met Finn. What a year hey?_

_I can't wait to see what's gonna happen in the next year. For the first time diary, I'm looking forward to my future unfolding. Cos a big part of me thinks it's gonna be brilliant. _

_Oh god Diary, I hope I didn't just jinx myself._

Archie looked down at his books and notes slowly reading things back to himself.

He had provisional acceptance to two universities: his exam marks had to be high enough to guarantee his place.

He focused his mind as much as he could with that pressure looming over him and tried not to fret too much. He was a solid student, there was no reason he couldn't get the marks he needed.

Chloe pulled the lid of the pen off and put it back on as she read.

Off.

On.

She loved Yeats. She was so glad she'd stayed in advanced English.

Off.

On.

Sure the Shakespeare, and Utopias and Dystopias had been hard. But she had found Yeats; her literary crush.

She felt more confident about this exam than she had about any exam she'd ever sat.

Izzy started revision for the exams she'd be sitting at the end of the summer holidays. If she could pass them she'd get a revised passing grade for first year of college and wouldn't have to repeat. Chop sat with his feet up on the bottom of her hospital bed, his work boots on the floor, a magazine open in his lap. She looked up at him and grinned momentarily before looking back down at her work. She had finished the consolidation phase of her chemotherapy treatment in hospital over the last six weeks. She had been quite sick during that time, surprisingly, since it was less intensive than the first phase. Overall she had responded well to treatment and would be released from hospital in just a few days, ready to start the third and final phase of her treatment: maintenance. This chemo would continue for 2 to 3 years, and may have heaver bouts of consolidation style chemo included every now and then if needed. There were drugs to take; methotrexate, 6-mercaptopurine, prednisone and vincristine. She had forgotten which pill to take daily and which to take weekly and what would be injected into her monthly, and just how many blood tests and lumbar punctures she'd have to have. But Chop remembered all of it. What she had gotten from her doctor was that the prognosis for her was very good now, that she should be able to continue on with life during these treatments; go back to school, have fun… Her hair even started to grow back. Her life was finally becoming hers again, she looked around the hospital room. She'd be so glad to get out of here. Chop looked up at her.

"How's your homework?" He nodded at her notes.

"It's weird getting me brain working again." She replied honestly, "but I'm so happy that everything's getting back on track."

"Me too, baby girl." He grinned.

_'Love is a Stranger' by Eurythmics_

Phil turned the engine off and looked down the street. Several weeks ago Elsa had mentioned that they were going to check out the theatre at the arts centre. The unexpected departure of the arts centre's director had made it difficult to organise this outing, but the time had finally come around. They'd just finished their English exam and Phil felt prepared for his performing arts exams tomorrow; he was in a pretty good mood.

She was standing outside the arts centre, her foot tapping slightly to whatever music was playing in her headphones. His eyes lingered on her breasts in a hungry way that was growing every day. Ever since that art class his attraction to Rae had grown exponentially. He'd always thought she was beautiful, and talented and clever, and as funny as they came… But now he knew, rather intimately, how sexy she was as well. He tried to stop his eyes crawling over her body lustily. It wasn't like him to be like this; he had desires of course, and he'd looked at Rae a lot, imagined her, dreamt about her, masturbated thinking about her… but this was so explicitly sexual. The way he looked at her felt pornographic, even to himself. He couldn't help but think about all the things he'd do to her…

_Seeing her like that has made everything so much harder._

He gave a small scoff at his own accidental double entendre and kept his eyes on her, willing himself to just stop, but unable to. She was 15 minutes early, there was no one around; he could masturbate right now, looking at actual her, rather than his imagined her or his paintings of her. Sure she was clothed and standing on the street, but at least it was her.

Phillip closed his eyes slowly and ran his hands down his jeans, wiping the sweat from his palms.

_How did I get this bad?_

_This isn't like me._

_Have some fucking respect Phil._

More and more he was understanding Finn, and he hated that. She brought out something primal in him. If he was Finn, he'd be keeping all other males away too, and he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off her either. He felt his fingers twitch when he thought about being allowed to touch her. If he was her man; he'd be acting an awful lot like Finn, and that knowledge made him question all the beliefs he had held onto about the relationship Finn and Rae shared. From where he stood, Finn looked like a cocky, arrogant Neanderthal that was possessive and controlling of Rae, Finn was not afraid to use his fists, and not afraid to keep Rae in line and it looked like they were always fighting, or fucking. But when he coupled what he had seen of Finn overall, with the small glimpses of softness he'd seen between them, and this new-found predator within his own chest; he started to doubt that the relationship was shaky. He started to worry that it was very solid.

_But still, Rae hasn't told me to back off outright…_

_And my intentions are pretty clear._

_So it can't be that solid._

_Or if it is solid, she sees something in me and is curious about it._

He realised that one of his hands had started to rub himself thorough his jeans while he'd been looking at her and he stopped instantly, mortified. He felt disgusted with himself; he was like some sort of creepy stalker sitting in the car, watching her, rubbing himself. He made a disgusted noise at himself and reached to his back seat to get his notepad and pen. He looked back up at her; the sun shining down across her, her brown hair shining in the light, her skin glowing like a beacon at night. Phil's breath stopped in his lungs and he was struck by how much he loved her. This was more like the old Phillip. He watched her flick her hair off her shoulder and turn the cassette over in her Walkman. He felt much more prepared to go and greet her now that he was more in his own skin, and less in that predatory animal's skin.

He got out of his car and headed up the street as a red Datsun turned into the road up ahead. Phil looked at the car; it was driving slowly.

"HEY!" He saw Rae look up in response at the car as it drew parallel, the passenger hanging out the window, "FAT BITCH!" He screamed while the other three guys in the car laughed. Phil felt his innards clench as his eyes took in every little detail of the scene; anger unlike anything he'd ever felt before surging through him. He started to run towards the scene, not entirely sure what he was going to do against four guys, but knowing he had to do something. He saw something moving in the back seat; a can of coke was thrown from the car, hitting Rae in the chest as she stood shaking her head at them. There was just enough time to hear her gasp of pain before the tyres squealed to life and they sped off, their laughter clearly discernible. Phillip got to her just as her hand went to her chest were the can had hit her. She was covered in coke; the can had been opened and three quarters full. She was still gasping in the pain of the impact when she saw Phil in front of her, taking off his shirt, leaving him in just a white singlet and jeans, instantly he was wiping the coke off her skin, her face, her arms, her hair, her chest, clear worry on his face.

"Are you alright?" He was saying as he tried to clean her up.

"Phil that's me boob." Rae managed to say even though she was still winded by the pain in her chest. He paused and realised his hands were both on her right breast; one holding the material of her shirt, the other using his shirt to dry her. He instantly snatched them off.

"I'm so sorry." He shook his head in mortification, "I didn't mean… I didn't realise… I was focused on…"

"It's alright; it's just a boob." She smiled tightly and he offered her his shirt silently, knowing it was better to keep his mouth shut. Her smile broadened as she took it. "Thanks Phillip." She looked down at the mess all over her Stone Roses shirt and shook her head. At least her mum was good at getting stains out.

_I touched her boob…_

_I touched it in the most appalling circumstances._

_And I really wanna kick the shit out of those guys._

_What the hell is wrong with me? How could I touch her breast like that?_

Rae looked up at Phil, about to say something and noticed the shape of his torso, usually hidden under his lose shirts. Phillip was fit.

_Is she…?_

_Is she checking me out…?_

Phillip looked down at his own torso as her eyes travelled up his body, he supposed he'd filled out ok, and the extra exercise had helped. But to see her look at him like this made him feel attractive in a way he never had before. He pushed that thought away, and remembered how painful it looked when he'd seen Rae get hit with the can.

Her eyes went up to his face and saw nothing but concern there. And she smiled at him grimly before patting away at her own boob.

"Alright I caught the boob grope, but what did I miss?" Elsa strode up in jeans, leather bike boots, a fitted green shirt and a cropped leather jacket. She took the jacket off and popped her sunnies up on her head as she looked at Rae, taking in the stain, Phil's shirt and the coke can on the ground.

"Thrown at you?" Elsa asked.

"From a car." Phillip answered.

"Wasn't a boob grope." Rae added.

"Uh huh." Elsa answered, "Let's get you cleaned up." They walked into the arts centre, Phillip picking up the can and throwing it in the rubbish bin. He watched Elsa and Rae disappear into the woman's bathroom off the foyer to the arts centre. He noticed a young girl, 15 maybe, sitting at the reception desk eyeing him curiously. And then Phillip noticed that she was checking him out too. He escaped into the men's bathroom but was instantly assailed by the full length mirrors on the wall beside the basin. He took himself in. He certainly wasn't scrawny anymore, and his skin had cleared up. He looked at himself side on and then front on. He noticed that his shoulders were much broader than they used to be. He bit the inside of his cheek slowly, thinking this over.

_Am I…? Am I fit?_

Phil pulled a face at himself and actually scoffed. He laughed and washed his face in the sink.

_Get over yourself mate._

He shook his head and that old familiar gnawing doubt in the pit of his stomach returned to him; the one that whispered to him that if he looked like Finn Nelson he might stand a chance with her. He looked at himself in the mirror again, taking in his broad muscled shoulders and narrow waist, his dark hair and expressive eyes. He knew he wasn't ugly. But it was too much to think he might be fit, or even mildly attractive to more than a few girls. He felt self-conscious in his singlet. He reflected on Rae's eyes on him just moments ago. He suspected that she had been shocked to see him like this; that's a whole different thing to checking him out. He left the bathroom feeling mildly dejected and waited in the foyer, self-consciously looking over at the girl at the reception desk. She was definitely looking at him. Phil took a notepad out of his bag and wrote down the number plate of the car that had had those guys in it. He pulled the piece of paper out of his notepad and folded it into his front pocket, shoving the notepad and pen in his back pocket.

Moments later Elsa and Rae emerged. Rae's shirt was wet with water, but the sticky coke had been rinsed out thoroughly and Elsa was apparently in a murderous mood; the bruising on Rae's chest had been incredible. The girl stood up when she saw Elsa and introductions were made

"Phillip Seymour?" The girl asked. "Like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, only better looking." She blushed at her own audacity and tried to stifle a giggle as she hurriedly turned and led them towards the theatre Elsa and Rae shared a repressed laugh and had Phillip lead the way with Sue, who was actually 19, and a creative genius with painting and music. Besides the awkward flirting, she was clever, funny and organised. She would be managing the theatre hire to the school, so Rae, Phillip and Elsa would have a lot more contact with her. Something that Sue seemed to enjoy.

Once on the stage Rae looked up at the raked seating to the bio-booth at the back.

"It's a proper theatre." She grinned at Phillip who grinned back.

"Why haven't we been using this all along?" He agreed.

"The theatre's been mostly mothballed for the last five years." Sue answered, "When my family first moved to Stamford from Singapore, it was having its last show. Ticket sales weren't good enough, it was costing too much to keep a proper staff to run it." She was standing quite close to Phil and he looked down at her with an awkward smile as she grinned up at him.

"You two check the change rooms, Sue take me up to the bio-booth?" Sue reluctantly took the keys and Elsa up the stairs to the bio-booth. Rae walked into the wings, expecting to find the way to the greenroom and change rooms from there. Phillip followed closely behind.

"Are you alright, that looked like a real hard hit." Rae blushed, embarrassed to have had anyone see what had just happened.

"I'm fine." Rae lied; her chest was aching and her face was on fire with the shame of it. "Listen I'm gonna take your shirt home and wash it for you… well have me mum wash it for you."

"No that's fine, I'll do it." Phil answered and Rae shrugged as she took his shirt out of her bag. He took it from her gently and looked down at her chest. "You got a bruise?"

"Yeah." Rae scrunched her nose, "A big one too."

"Those guys were wankers." Phil said, shoving his sticky shirt in his bag. "Deserve a good thumping."

"Oh Aye!" Rae laughed gently, it hurt too much to laugh properly. She opened the door to the change rooms and they had a look around.

"You don't deserve to be treated like that." Rae turned to Phil and he crossed an arm over his upper stomach self-consciously, his eyes darting away. But they slowly rolled back to her; "I mean you're brilliant Rae." His voice was soft and assured, "You're one of the best people I know." He looked away, colour coming to his cheeks, "And I hate that stuff like that happens to you." He swallowed and looked back to her, "You deserve much better than that. And if I could, I'd hunt those dickheads down and beat the crap out of 'em." He was surprised to hear these words coming out of his own mouth. He was a firm believer in violence not being the answer.

"I'd probably let you, right about now." She grinned and looked around the green room. "I think it'll do."

"Yeah." Phillip hadn't really looked anywhere but at her.

"Let's check the props storage?" They found the under seating storage area and wandered around the props and flats.

"Listen…" Phillip said and Rae sat on the stack of flats and nodded to indicate he had her attention, he sat next to her, their backs to the entrance. "I got a pretty good memory." He explained, "So um…" He took a folded piece of paper out of his jeans, "it's the car's number plate… Just if you ever come across it and fancy keying it." Rae ginned and went to take the paper.

"I can't be seen to be encouraging vandalism kiddies." Elsa said as she took the paper from Phil's hand, having come up behind them. "Keying a car is a very serious act of vandalism." She grinned slightly as the piece of paper was whisked into her bra, "And you Phillip need to be more careful where and when you hand out that kind of information and advice." She said meaningfully. "So I might have a cigarette outside. You should check out the bio-booth… it's private, whereas this room you can hear echoing up through the floor under the seating." They watched her leave before heading up to the bio-booth. Phil hurriedly wrote down the number plate again and handed it to her.

"So if you wanna key it, hold the big part of the key in your palm and let the thinner part come out between your knuckles, like you're preparing to punch someone with it." He used his own car keys to show her and she took them from him and put them in her hand, several keys sticking out. "To really cost him money, put a lot of force behind it, so it goes right through to the metal under the paint, and scrape the key up the entire length of the car." He got her to scratch the underside of the bio-booth desk.

"Holy shit." She grinned, "That's a deep scratch." Phil nodded sagely and Rae shook her head in awe, "I had no idea there was a criminal in you Phillip. I'm impressed." He laughed.

"So that's what you find impressive?" He only half joked. "I actually have an older sister who's a bit of a delinquent, and we adore each other so she teaches me everything… even though she thinks I'm far too straight-laced."

"I didn't know you had a sister?" Rae asked.

"Yeah, her name's Kelsey. She's 19."

"I thought your entire family was a bunch of over-achievers." Rae teased.

"She's an overachiever, just not at something my parents approve of." Rae sat in the seat and looked at the sound and lighting desks.

"So what's she good at?"

"Urban art."

"Graffiti?"

"That's what our parents call it. But the old director of this place, Janice, was in talks to get her-"

"To paint the biggest outside wall of the centre."

"Yeah." Phillip answered, "She's got a real talent. And she's quite political too." Phil sat in the other chair and put the house lights up and then down. "How d'you know about that?"

"I knew Janice. She lived with Finn."

"Really?"

"Yeah small ol' world!" Rae tested the microphones and tried to figure out how to patch them in to the sound board.

"D'you know why she left?"

"No idea." Rae answered sadly.

"I miss Janice." Phillip answered in a world of his own, "the guy that replaced her in the drawing and painting class is no good." Rae felt her heart leap into her mouth and then Phil stopped short, realising what he'd said.

"You do the drawing and painting classes here?" Rae asked softly. Phil looked at the door to the bio-booth, wishing that Sue would turn up.

"Yeah." He said slowly.

"Did you…?" She said slowly, "Janice did a live model class once didn't she?" Rae asked tentatively; she had been the live model.

"Yeah." Phillip looked back down at the lighting board and played with some knobs, finding the spotlights and colour washes. Rae watched him fidgeting and swallowed hard.

"Did you…? D-did you go… to that?"

"Hey guys I gotta pack up." It was Sue. Phil gave her a huge welcoming grin and shrugged at Rae.

"Gotta go." He answered and stood up. They joined Elsa on the stage, who was going over the measurements she'd been handed.

"Phillip, do you reckon that front wing entrance is lower than they're saying it is?" She asked him as they approached from through the empty seats. Phillip checked the measurement they had written down and then looked at the entrance. Rae looked too, other thoughts leaving her head as she considered the stage measurements.

"Definitely." He answered. Elsa sighed, frustrated.

"That's what I thought." She muttered. "Whoever's been looking after this stage is rubbish. Don't even have proper stage dimensions and measurements." Sue locked up and showed them the backstage entrance. As they left she handed Phil a piece of paper.

"Just in case." She said with a genuine smile and closed the door, leaving Rae Elsa and Phillip outside of the theatre. Rae looked at Phillip expectantly and Elsa raised an eyebrow.

"What's your little note?" Rae teased.

"I suspect it's a phone number." Elsa answered dryly. Phillip scrunched up his face and shook his head.

"No way." He answered resolutely.

"Oh come on!" Rae almost laughed, "She was so flirting with you." Phillip turned his eyes from Rae to Elsa who shrugged in reply.

"I don't think so Rae."

"You know she was really very pretty…. I bet it is her phone number!" Rae grinned. Phil shrugged and looked away. But he could feel Rae's eyes on him so he turned back to her and opened his note and read it slowly, tying to ignore her expectant stare.

"Alright yeah it's a phone number." Phil blushed. Elsa gave a knowing grin and saluted loosely.

"Peace out kids." She left them and walked off to her bike; they'd talk about the stage at a later time. Phillip put a hand in his back pocket and looked at Rae for a moment.

"D'you need a lift home?"

"Nah, I'm meeting the gang out at the chippy. It's only five away."

"Alright." Rae gave him a hug goodbye and Phil was surprised by this; it was their first hug.

"See you round Phil." She was already walking away before he managed to squeeze the word 'bye' out.

_'Twist' by Korn_

The grass under his naked body tickled, but it was soft and inviting. And seeing her naked in the full sunlight was too good to resist. Finn cupped her breasts while she rode him, their eyes locked, his whole body feeling drunk and lazily erotic. He could hear her breathing and feel his cock moving inside of her. He was inside of her. Sometimes he thought people didn't appreciate how important that fact was – he was_inside_ of her. He motioned for her to kiss him and she leaned down, her breasts pressing against his chest, the weight of her was delicious on his torso. Her kisses tasted like every wet dream he'd ever had, every sweet fruit, every aching glance he'd stolen of her.

"I love you." She whispered to him and he felt his entire body fill with emotion. He opened his mouth to tell her he loved her too when quite suddenly her head was reefed backwards by her hair. Finn's eyes opened wide in shock as he saw the knife appear from nowhere. He was still inside of her when the knife sliced across Rae's neck.

"NO!" He screamed in terror but blood spurted out across his chest and face in a horrifying pulse of a rhythm; gushing out her blood to the beating of her heart. He put his hands up to the gaping wound as she fell forward on top of him. And she lay barely able to gasp in pain, bleeding to death, in his arms. And Finn saw Saul over her shoulder, glaring down at them. Saul. Laughing. Saul. Raising his knife again.

Finn sat up in bed, a cry on his lips. He breathed hard, frantic and terrified, he turned to Rae to see that she was ok in the bed beside him.

But she wasn't.

Finn panicked at the best of times when Rae wasn't where he expected her to be. But after that dream this was a panic bordering on sheer terror. He leapt from the bed and checked her ensuite.

Empty.

He paused only long enough to throw some clothes on before running down the stairs.

"Where's Rae?" He asked Linda urgently as she made breakfast.

"She went for a jog." Linda answered and Finn ran for the door, "Good morning to you too." Linda clucked as the door slammed behind him. Finn knew the route that Rae usually took; he took it with her every second morning. He set off at a sprint towards the park, the early morning air clinging to him; it was going to storm today. His bare feet slammed down on the pavement, jolting his back painfully but he sprinted as fast as he could, his eyes searching for her, his mind intoning three words over and over: _she'll be alright… she'll be alright… she'll be alright…_

The air is burning in her lungs. She ran as fast as she could. But it's not fast enough.

She had to run faster.

Faster.

There were so many reasons to run faster.

When she ran with Finn every second morning, he didn't even break a sweat. He didn't pant, he didn't get puffed out even within the slightest. On the mornings that he jogged alone he came back with sweat dripping down his face and back, his shirt clinging to him, his body heaving to get breath.

She couldn't let Finn see her like this. Sweat dripping from her, her body heaving for breath. Because she knew that at her fastest, he'd still be able to talk, he'd be practically sauntering while she was at a flat out sprint for her. It was embarrassing.

But more than that. There were other thoughts.

Undercurrents.

The water looked smooth and calm, but hidden below, as deep as she could push them, where thoughts… realisations.

If he came back, she'd never be able to outrun him.

She surged forward, pushing the thought from her mind, forcing the tears in her eyes down.

_He's not coming back._

_I can't cope with…_

_He's NOT coming back!_

_Run._

_Faster._

_Don't stop._

Finn had been running for several minutes, his panic rising; there was no sign of her. His bare feet were screaming in pain, his mind racing with every negative possibility imaginable as he ran along their usual route as fast as he could. His mind was in a white noise of panic, his feet protesting loudly, his lungs aching and the muscles in his legs where threatening to revolt when he finally saw her.

He caught up to her and grabbed her arm, making her yell out in fright.

"Finn!" She admonished him when she saw him. He barely heard her speak, he only saw that he neck was alright, he had to see that there was no cut… just a pale white scar… relief flooded through his screaming mind… but the panic did not subside.

"The fuck Rae?" He asked her angrily, "Don't fucking go off on your fucking own! FUCK!" She looked at him bewildered by his anger.

"I went to the arts centre alone." She tried to reason with him.

"Yeah look at how that turned out." He had been furious by the bruise on her chest.

"You can't spend every waking minute with me." Rae tried to soothe him.

"Yes I can Rae." Her attempts to soothe him made his temper worse; why was she dismissing this? "Yes I can and I fucking will."

"Finn-"

"You don't go off on your own without fucking telling me." He ordered immutably. Rae opened her mouth in shock, but realised why he was so upset.

"He's not coming back Finn. It's been months." She answered calmly.

"I don't care how fucking long it's been!" He'd yelled and Rae backed up, surprised." You do not go off on your own without telling me." His voice was loud in the silent morning, "Ever. Do you understand?" His face was red with anger, "Not ever. Not for any reason."

"You're yelling at me." She said in a small, bewildered voice. She didn't wait for him to say anything, she just turned and walked away.

"I'm yelling at you cos you don't understand." He followed her, unrepentant, even though part of him was starting to backpedal from his rage. But she turned on him.

"I have every right to spend time alone if I want." She said angrily, her voice louder than usual, "I get to make decisions for myself Finn. You don't own me!" She walked away again. Finn following, all thought of backpedalling from this gone.

"You can use whatever reasoning you want; I don't give a fuck!" He told her angrily, "You do not go off on your own without telling me first. Ever. For any reason." He repeated, and he'd keep repeating it until she understood it.

"You're being a dickhead." She spat the words with venom, her eyes flashing angrily.

"No you are!" She stopped to look at him, her mouth set in a grim slash of repressed fury. But he was not affected by her emotions, not this time. This time he would not back down. "We both nearly died in that room. You do not go off on your own without asking me first." He said in an authoritarian tone.

"Asking you?" She asked unimpressed.

"I meant telling me." Finn dismissed the mistake.

"You don't get to control me cos you're scared." Rae stormed off, not caring if Finn followed. But he did, closely.

"It's not what I meant." He continued, with no hint of apology in his voice; more annoyance that she wasn't getting it.

"I don't give a fuck what you meant Finn, you're yelling at me and acting like dickhead." She folded her arms across her chest, forcing her tears down; he wouldn't see one tear from her, "I don't wanna talk to you right now."

"Maybe I am being a dickhead." He replied furiously, "Maybe I'm controlling. Maybe I'm a bad boyfriend. I don't care!" His voice had risen again and Rae tried to block him out. She didn't like him like this, even if she did understand why he was upset. "I'd rather you be angry at me than dead." He grabbed her arm and made her stop, she tried to pull away but he was far stronger and held her so she looked at him. "So you're about to get even angrier Rae, cos I don't give a fuck what you say," He said with a stern face, "no time alone, unless I say." She opened her mouth to protest, "I don't care." He reminded her with a slightly raised voice. He dropped his hand to hers and turned to walk to her house, his hand holding her hand very firmly. Rae couldn't even think of anything to say to him. She was furious. She understood that Saul scared him, but this was inexcusable. But she also understood that there was no point talking to him about this until he had calmed down. She'd sort this out and get an apology out of him when he returned to his right mind. Until then, she intended to be as angry at him as he deserved.

_'As Heaven is Wide' by Garbage_

They were sitting in their larger group; Archie, Finn, Rae, Chloe, Phillip, Stacey and Sam. Izzy was still in hospital so their group was one short. Their group piece on the theatre of cruelty and a prepared monologue was part of their performance grade for drama. After lunch they'd be sitting the written part of the exam. Finn wasn't going to bother sitting the written; he already had to repeat this class and he wanted to focus on getting better marks for his other subjects, but he was here for the performance element; he didn't want to mess up everyone else. Except for maybe Phil and Stacey…

To help Rae build confidence in her directing, he'd prepared a monologue for this exam and asked her to direct him. He didn't need to do the monologue; his marks for this exam didn't matter, he was doing it for her.

Besides the performance and written exams, their final grade was also made up from the various performance pieces they had done throughout the year, Rae and Philip were being graded mostly on their writing instead.

Archie and Chloe had gotten the leads in the first play that Phil and Rae had written together, and they had agreed to kiss, making Phil very happy and Rae had to admit that having the kiss did make everything seem more fulfilled in the love story. The play had been performed last week after a month of intensive rehearsals, and had actually been really good: the love story of Rhiannon and Peter, the characters Rae and Phil had created, was well received and they'd both already gotten their writing marks back: A+

Apparently Mr Roach had wanted to put Rae in the lead, but Elsa had stuck to her word that Rae could do the minimal amount of performance possible if she wrote and directed more. Roach had sat Rae down and told her she could be an actress, that she was talented, he'd then told her that she wasn't pretty enough as she was and needed to lose weight, but that once she'd done that – the sky was the limit. Rae had walked away from the encounter in a bemused daze, and had to laugh when she realised just how far she'd come; if Roach had said that to her this time last year, she would have been an utter mess of tears and binge eating. She told Finn and he was angry, of course, but relieved that she wasn't taking it to heart; although s few weeks later she did tart to skip lunch and Finn wondered if this had affected her. The biggest change in Rae after this conversation was that she became more interested in the performance side of things, almost as if to spite Ken Roach. She was almost looking forward to doing the performance examination today. As much as she could be when she was in such a foul mood. She and Finn had not spoken another word to each other since the argument this morning. He had merely continued to shadow her, silently. She was almost resenting his presence, he was so pig-headed about it. She had sat as far away from him as she could, Chloe sitting next to her giving Archie a glance. Archie had sighed and ambled over to Finn, who looked as grumpy as ever. Now they sat talking quietly in the hall, as each student was taken individually into the backstage area to do their monologue in privacy for their examination. It was a large class and was going to take some time, then the group performances would be done, and they'd go to lunch.

"You two fighting again?" Phillip leaned in to say it, so that Finn could not hear, although he could certainly see Phil's closeness to Rae. He narrowed his eyes and sucked his teeth moodily, grunting in response to Archie's attempts to make conversation.

"Is it that obvious?" Rae grinned grimly and Phillip nodded.

"Seriously Rae, it looks like all you two do is fight…?" She could hear the tone in his voice, questioning why they were together. And she supposed someone on the outside of the relationship, someone who didn't get to see how Finn really was, would wonder that. But Rae got to see private, secret parts of Finn, and she knew his worth. Even if he was being a bit of a jerk at the moment.

"Archie says all we do is fight and fuck." She grinned. "But that's not true. It's just that the good moments we have tend to be private… and cos Finn's so shit at hiding his bad moods, the bad moments tend to be public." Phillip considered this and decided not to comment. He looked over to his bag and pulled out a book. He saw Finn watching him and tried to ignore the glare. He did, however, decide to raise his voice sightly so that Finn could hear him.

"I remember you saying that you wanted to visit Egypt and that you loved Akhenaten." Phillip said as he passed her the book, "I thought you might wanna borrow this." Rae looked down at the book: 'Akhenaten' by Dorothy Porter.

"I've never heard of Dorothy Porter." Rae said as she turned the book over in her hands.

"She's an Australian poet. Elsa recommended her when I said I had a hankering for something new and interesting in poetry." Rae grinned and opened the book, "I know how much you like poetry." Finn felt his back teeth with his tongue, an unimpressed glare on his face.

"Phillip up to his old tricks, I see." Archie muttered under his breath to Finn, marvelling at Phil's nerve. "He's not gonna give up is he?"

"Why would he?" Finn answered moodily, "I wouldn't." He looked at the light in Rae's eyes as she read the first page, "Why didn't I think to get her something like that?"

"This is brilliant." Rae breathed as she drank in the poetry, a pleased grin spreading over Phil's face as Finn shook his head, Archie detected a sense of defeat from Finn and was surprised by that.

"You give her other stuff." Archie tried to comfort.

"He's better suited to her." Finn said softly, making sure no one else could hear.

"Why would you say something like that?" Archie asked with an incredulous look.

"I dunno." Finn shook his head, "Cos he is."

"Finn you've never been like this." Archie said, "What's-"

"I know." He answered testily. "It's like… I can't even explain it." He sighed, "I can handle that Josh looks at her tits most o' the lesson." Archie looked over at Josh and sure enough he was looking at Rae's breasts, "I don't mind that Mike wants to fuck her." He shrugged, "But Phillip makes me fucking blood boil." He furrowed his brows, "And I figured it out Archer. It's cos he's better than me. The other guys aren't." He pulled at the cuticles around his nails, "I keep thinking that he'd make her happier than me and I don't really know why."

"I do." Archie said, "It's because you love Rae so much, and you think she's so perfect, and you know you're imperfect… so you wonder why she's with you when right there," Archie nodded in Phil's direction subtlety, "there's a lad who's similar to you in some ways… except for the ways in which doubt yourself. In those ways you think he's better than you."

"Well he's smarter than me." Finn agreed.

"I don't think so." Archie answered honestly, "he gets better grades but grades don't mean you're smart, they just mean you're good at school work." Archie looked Finn in the eye, "You got your own intelligence Finn, don't worry about his."

"I don't know why I'm like this Archie." Finn furrowed his brown, "You know when she broke up with me, I asked her what I'd done wrong." Archie had seen multiple break ups with Finn, usually he was dumping the girl, the one time it had been the other way he'd asked the girl what was wrong and then shrugged at her answer and said alright. "I been asking myself the same question ever since… even though she says it weren't me. She's so perfect Arch, I don't wanna lose her."

"You think she's better than you." Archie shook his head.

"Aye." Finn saw Archie's incredulous face and shook his head, "You think Tom's better than you."

"Well that's different." Archie answered.

"How?"

"I…" Archie stopped. It wasn't. "And Chop thinks Izzy is better than him." Archie added.

"Does he?"

"I think so." Archie shrugged, "But I don't think it bothers him like it does us. I think he just thanks his lucky stars and doesn't think on it past that."

"It bothers you then?"

"A little." Archie frowned, "but I talk to Tom whenever I feel shite about anything at all and he's real good about it." Archie looked at Finn, "you talk to Rae about it?"

"A little. But not heaps cos it's so stupid you know?"

"Talk to her." Archie commanded. But Finn gave a look that indicated he probably wouldn't. "That girl loves you Finn, stopping being a knob head!"

"Aye." Finn answered with a sad look over at Rae, "Then why do we fight so much?"

"Cos you're both as equally as strong and stubborn." Archie said, "And you're still figuring out how to deal with that. It'll come." Archie answer sagely, "You'll get there." Finn looked over at Rae, half of him knew Archie was right, but half of him worried that he might be wrong.

"So Chloe." Phillip said in a friendly tone, Finn watched as Chloe smiled at him happily, "I hear you're on the lookout for a lad?"

"Who told you that?" She asked with a small laugh.

"Vicki." Phil pulled a face.

"Of course!" Chloe shook her head and shot Stacey a look. But Stacey was lying on the floor reading over her monologue, completely disinterested in all of them. "I bet she didn't say it as nicely as you did." Chloe laughed.

"No, I'm afraid not." He agreed, "But if you are on the lookout, I could play wingman." He grinned, "Cos you're me tennis partner!" Chloe laughed and both Finn and Rae noticed her pulling gently at her hair and leaning forward towards him. Rae sat back slightly so that they could see each other and shot Finn a surprised grin before remembering she was angry at him and looked away.

"Well Chlo, if you're gonna pick someone from the pool of lads at school, you gotta have a hottie!" Rae put in and Phil laughed.

"Right so what's the school consensus on hot guys?" He asked genuinely.

"Well Finn's still the fittest lad in school. So…" Chloe pulled a face to indicate he was not an option. Finn was still pulling an unimpressed face when three sets of eyes appraised him. Phil, jealously, Rae, angry but still adoring, and Chloe, unreadable. He shrugged in response.

'What does that even mean?" Finn said with an unimpressed face and Archie scoffed beside him, shaking his head.

"I've heard Finn, that you can drop a girl's knickers from a hundred yards with the power of your face alone." Archie laughed. Finn gave him a pained look and his eyes went back to Rae, she was looking away. This argument was going to last forever, he could just feel it, and this kind of stuff never helped.

"Yeah but I hear Hot Mike is catching up." Chloe countered Archie.

"God Hot Mike could drop my knickers!" Archie joked and everyone laughed. Except Stacey, who was still focused on her monologue. Mike was tall with dark hair and dark eyes and glorious olive skin.

"Yes I'd have him if I had too!" Chloe joked. Rae laughed and nodded and Finn narrowed his eyes and sucked his teeth thinking that Rae actually could have him if she wanted. He found that the thought didn't bother him as much as Phil giving Rae a book did. It was Phil. Phil was the problem.

"Who's in third place?" Sam asked curiously.

"Ah well the consensus amongst the girls has recently shifted over the past 5 months or so." Chloe answered and shot a glance over to Phil who was looking at his hands, and then she looked at Rae with a questioning look. Rae shrugged and then slowly nodded, answering her silent question.

"Oh yeah?" Sam prodded.

"Yes it used to be Archie." Archie, not fussed that the girls no longer thought he was cute, gave a pretend bow, from his sitting position, "But now Phillip is in third." Chloe continued clearly, and Phil looked up at her suddenly.

"Pardon?" He asked with a bewildered look on his face and Finn hated that humbleness, that un-affected air he had: he was genuinely unaware of how attractive girls thought he was. Even Finn had noticed girls starting to look at Phillip.

"So it's Fit Finn, Hot Mike… and…?" Archie asked.

"Not just fit Finn." Chloe said, "Fit Finn, King Finn, Stunning Finn, Magnetic Finn…" Chloe thought and Rae picked up where she left off;

"Gorgeous Finn, Sexy Finn, Handsome Finn, Arousing Finn…" Finn started to blush and looked away, part of him was savagely pleased that Phil had to hear all of this, but mostly he found it ridiculous and embarrassing.

"Knicker-dropping Finn, Lick-pole Finn-" Chloe continued.

"Lick-pole?" Archie laughed.

"Hunk o' man meat Finn…" Chloe laughed.

"Suave Finn," Rae started to list them off on her fingers, "Heavenly Finn, delicious Finn, dishy Finn…"

"Pussy-slayer Finn, Big-cock Finn, sex toy Finn…" Chloe added and Rae shook her head with a slight grin

"Sweet Finn," she took the tone back up a notch and Chloe laughed, "Perfect Finn, rated 11 Finn, rated X Finn…"

"Don't forget delectable Finn!" Chloe added, "And beautiful Finn, panty-soaker Finn, cun-"

"Alright." Finn said uncomfortably and Phil noticed that. Everyone else was chuckling except for Finn and Phil. And Stacey.

"Alright, so you got… Finn, king shit over here," Sam laughed, "and then Hot Mike… What's Phil's name?" Phil looked away, not sure he wanted to know.

"Steamy Phil." Rae answered.

"Steamy?" Phil sounded appalled and shook his head.

"Where'd that come from?' Archie asked and Finn shot him a dirty look that he ignored.

"Lucy Randall saw Phil in the showers in the change rooms by accident." Rae answered and Phil's jaw dropped.

"She's new and she walked in there thinking it were the girl's change room!" Chloe laughed, "She said you was having a very hot, steamy shower all alone and you're all covered in muscles and that your… business was worth frequenting." Chloe said suggestively, her eyes dropping to Phil's lap. Rae laughed as Phil's jaw dropped even further.

"I can't believe it." He looked away, too astounded to even blush yet and not sure how he felt at all about the girls talking about him like that. Finn rolled his eyes at the way Rae and Chloe giggled together and Archie was even chuckling. Archie noticed the look Finn was giving him and stopped laughing instantly and looked down demurely at his shoes. Finn looked back at Rae with a grim look, he saw her eyes on him and his stomach churned. He could see she was still angry at him, but he wasn't backing down.

"Do girls ever try to rate the boys on personality?" Phil asked, still taken aback by being called steamy, and being seen naked by a girl. He didn't even know what to think.

"You can't rub one out to a personality." Chloe shot at him and Rae laughed loudly, Phil blushed and lowered his eyes.

"Be thankful they don't." Finn answered meaningfully and Phil narrowed his eyes at him.

"You know Finn, you must have a real small dick, cos at least half of it ended up in your personality." He snarked at Finn and Rae's jaw dropped. Chloe made a scoffing sound and Sam started to laugh. Archie tensed up, ready to hold Finn back if he had to. Finn could be a little hot-headed sometimes.

"Still bigger than yours." Finn shot back unaffected. "And I'd still be ranked higher on personality too." He added with a shrug and a look that said 'I'll always be superior to you Phil.' Rae looked over at Finn as she closed her mouth slowly, the shock of Phil's insult still fresh. Finn could see that her anger at him had softened and he took the chance to give her a small smile. She didn't return it, but she didn't look away either. Phil shook his head, letting it go, still too confused by all the talk of 'Steamy Phil.'

"You're rated the fittest girl in school Chloe." Sam said and Phillip nodded once, clearly embarrassed that he knew this, when Chloe turned to him for confirmation. "So really you should be dating Finn." Chloe grinned slowly. "But I don't wanna date Finn." She answered, "I'm more of hot Mike, steamy Phil sort of a girl." Rae took Chloe's hand and squeezed it firmly in thanks; she had handled that well.

"Plus I'm going out with Rae." Finn said firmly and Sam looked at him as if he'd forgotten that.

"That's right." He said and nodded. Phil was starting to blush now and he put his hand up to his chest, still surprised by the whole conversation.

"Sam Mendes." Elsa called from backstage.

"Oh fuck." Sam said and jumped up as a student left the backstage area having finished their monologue.

"Break a leg Sam!" Rae said and the others wished him luck too. Phil had heard Chloe said that she was more interested in him than Finn, and he found his eyes resting on the side of Rae's face, wondering if she could ever do the same.

The conversation continued, and ended up on plans for the next school year before Rae was called up. Finn sat up straighter, wanting to wish her luck and she noticed that. He reached up a hand to her and she took it momentarily, their argument not forgotten, but put aside in this moment. He smiled supportively.

"Knock 'em dead Mrs Nelson." He said genuinely and she nodded with a small affectionate grin. Finn kissed her fingers before letting her hand go, he watched her leave as Sam came back with a huge relieved grin on his face. Phil watched that moment of affection between them, even amidst an argument they took this time for each other; yes the relationship was far more solid than he'd thought and Finn wasn't the caveman he sometimes seemed to be. Phil saw Rae go backstage and looked back over at Finn. He got up and crossed the small circle their group had made, sitting down in front of Finn he took his notepad out and wrote down something from memory. Finn was giving him a 'what the fuck are you doing' look, but Phillip ignored it.

"Did Rae tell you what happened outside of the art centre?" Finn nodded, "All of it?" Finn furrowed his brows.

"What happened?" He asked.

"There were four guys in a car. They…" Phillip didn't want to repeat what they'd said, his eyes slipped to Stacey and Finn understood, Phillip lowered his eyes and scooted closer so that no one but Finn could hear him, "They called her a fat bitch Finn." He said softly.

"I'll fucking kill them." Finn breathed in fury.

"I wanted to kill them." Phil answered in understanding. Finn looked up at him and nodded slowly, acknowledging the shared emotion, even if Phil had no right to be feeling it.

"Then they threw the coke can at her." He held up the piece of paper, "That's their number plate." Finn looked at the piece of paper, "I figure if both of us are looking for it, there's more chance it'll get found." Finn nodded and took the piece of paper. "If you find the car, promise me you'll fuck it up." Phil asked. Finn knew why Rae hadn't told him all of this. She didn't want to give him another one of her fights. He was actually thankful for Phil in this moment.

"The car and anyone in it." Finn answered.

"Good." Phillip replied.

"You too?" Finn asked, curious as to how far Phil would go for Rae.

"I don't know how I'll go with hitting people." Phil said regretfully, "But I'll certainly fuck up the car."

"Thanks for this." Finn held up the piece of paper, "It's very decent of you."

"You know it's all for her."

"Aye." Finn looked down and thought for a moment, "In different circumstances, we might have been mates, you might have been with her… who knows." Finn said softly, "but you're not with her, and we're not mates. So you need to back the fuck off Phil." He looked at the piece of paper, "this is decent of you. But know your place as her friend, and keep your dick in your fucking pants."

"Yeah alright." Phillip dismissed him.

"You're starting to provoke Neanderthal Finn again alright? Back the fuck off her!"

"I just gave you the number plate-"

"And I said that were decent." Finn said, "But you wanting to fuck up people for her… you giving her thoughtful gifts… you looking at her all the fucking time. Don't think I don't fucking notice." Finn said aggressively, "She not your girl, you don't get to defend her or rescue her. Or stare at her the way you do… sometimes you eye-fuck her. And I'll knock your fucking face in the next time I see it." Phillip looked at him defiantly, "Understand?"

"You still don't own her." Phillip retorted angrily and Archie's ears perked up, "And she still hasn't told me no. So why don't you back the fuck up?" Phil said as he got up, "stop acting like she's your possession." Phil turned around and Finn watched him leave with a satisfied grin.

"Happy?" Archie asked him, unimpressed.

"Much happier now." Finn looked down at the number plate Phil had given him. He shoved the piece of paper in his pocket and turned to Archie to chat, ignoring Phillip completely.

Chloe came over and sat in front of him, much the same way Phil had and Finn gave her a guarded look.

"Oh get over yourself Finn, I haven't wanted you for weeks." Chloe answered his look. "Why are you being such a dick to Rae?"

"Why don't you cut straight to the point Chloe?" Finn sniped, shaking his head and she shrugged unrepentantly. "I'm not being a dick." He replied shortly.

"You gonna keep her locked up for the rest o' her life cos o' some twat?" Phillip looked down and tried to read his monologue instead of hear what Chloe was saying.

"He's not just some twat. He broke into her house and nearly killed us both Chloe." Finn said in a hushed angry voice. "Rae isn't taking the threat of him returning seriously enough."

"You're wrong." Chloe said and Finn gave her a disbelieving glare, "And why is your opinion on the matter more important than hers?" Chloe gave him a stern look, "you're right Finn, he did break into HER house… and he sexually assaulted HER. Don't think for a second she's not thinking about it." Chloe said the words so softly that no one but Finn heard them. Finn looked away moodily, "do you really think shadowing her everywhere she goes does anything other than make her feel like a victim in waiting?" Chloe asked gently.

"I can't leave her by herself Chloe. If he-"

"Finn, she needs to feel strong enough to be alone with herself." Chloe said, "I understand that." She added gently, "She will never feel safe if she can't handle spending time alone." Finn looked back at Chloe with doubt in his eyes. "Trust me Finn. She needs to be alone sometimes. Her life will never return to normal if you don't give her that."

"He's still out there." Finn said vulnerably.

"And I know how much that scares you." She took his hand and he flinched but didn't pull away, "it scares me too." Chloe said choosing not to comment on his flinch. "But why is my fear more important than hers?" Chloe said, "Or my way of dealing with her assault more important than hers?"

"It isn't." Finn understood.

"Let her deal with this in her own way Finn." Chloe drove the point home. "Cos this isn't about you. It's about her." Finn nodded slowly.

"Thanks Chloe."

"My pleasure pal." She smiled gently and went back to her spot, "Wanna run that Phil?" She asked and snatched his monologue from his hands.

"Yeah ok." Phillip grinned and started to recite his lines in a low voice, no emotion, just testing that he knew the lines. Finn thought about the way Rae had looked when he'd finally caught up with her this morning. Like someone had been chasing her. Like memories had been chasing her. He closed his eyes and laid back on the floor thinking about what Chloe had said. He understood that he had been letting his own fears stop her from trying to put her life back together. But he also knew that his fears were valid.

_How do I put me own life back together?_

The thought came from nowhere. And Finn added it to the mix of roiling emotions and thoughts inside of him. The only thing he knew for sure was that he'd fucked up when he'd yelled at Rae this morning. He didn't want to be the kind of man that yelled at the people he loved.

_Oh my fucking temper._

He sighed to himself.

"Brilliant." Ken Roach beamed and Elsa and Jenny gave him a look. They weren't supposed to give any indication to the students how they'd be marked. Jenny, sitting in the middle looked at Elsa and Elsa shook her head slowly, unimpressed.

"You are absolutely brilliant Rae." He repeated. "You really should be an actress. And with a voice like yours, you really should be doing music."

"I can't read sheet music." Rae lied. She could, just not very well.

"Oh that's no bother, I could teach you in no time." Mr Roach beamed at her and Elsa rolled her eyes while Jenny wrote down some notes. The three of them were marking each student from all of the performing arts strains: drama, dance and music.

"You can go now Rae," Jenny, the dance teacher, said kindly, before turning to Elsa and Ken "Right it's time for a short break." Jenny said, "We've gotten through half of the students. Who wants tea?"

"I'm right." Elsa refused the tea but Ken and Jenny went to the teacher's room to grab a quick cuppa. Elsa stood up and went over to Rae as she started to head out.

"We're finally starting up rehearsals for 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead' soon. You still in?"

"Yes." Rae answered, her increased confidence about performing clearly visible.

"I noticed you're getting more keen on performance." Elsa said with an expectant smile, "Can I get you to do more acting and less writing next year?"

"How about the same amount of writing, and a little more acting?"

"I'll take that." Elsa smiled genuinely. "You know you really are very good on stage, Ken's not wrong."

"Thanks Elsa." Rae grinned happily, any praise from Elsa was good because she only gave out praise that was well earned. Rae realised that she was a lot like Rhys in that regard and again wondered what had happened between them.

"I'm serious Rae, you should give real thought to pursuing a career in acting." Rae opened her mouth to respond, but was too surprised by what Elsa had said to think of anything to say.

"I think I'm gonna be a writer."

"No reason you can't be both."

"Except fat girls can't be actresses." Rae said before she realised she was going to say it. She saw a mix of emotions cross Elsa's face.

"I won't deny that the industry is stupidly skewed toward thinness. And I won't pretend that it won't be hard as a fat girl. But who says fat girls can't be actresses? You gotta smash that notion Rae."

"The industry says it. So how would I get work as a fat actress?"

"By being better than everyone else." Rae scoffed at Elsa's response. "It's always the way Rae." Elsa said with a thin smile, "If you don't fit into the privileged group, you gotta be ten times better than them to just be heard." Elsa's smile became genuine, "That's you. Eleven times better than them. You could shine as an actress."

"I dunno Elsa."

"The only useful thing my father ever taught me was about a metaphorical experiment on monkeys." Elsa crossed her arms over her stomach when she mentioned her father and Rae noticed that. It was nice that Elsa had issues with her father too, it made Rae feel closer to her. "It goes like this. Ten chimpanzees are put in plain room with nothing in it but a flat top pyramid. They're left to their own devices; form a little society. The alpha male loves the top of the pyramid." Elsa watched Rae closely, to make sure she was taking it in, "One day, when the monkeys are all on the floor, the scientist put some bananas on top of the pyramid. Bananas are a highly prized food and all of the chimps rush to the pyramid to climb to the top to get the bananas. But the scientists have electrified the pyramid. All the chimps are really hurt. A few of them try more than once, but mostly, they all learn the lesson quickly: you can't have the bananas." Elsa shifted her weight and took a breath, "So what do you think happens?"

"No one gets a banana." Rae said confused, "I have to somehow overcome the electricity to get my banana?" Rae thought she had the moral of the story.

"That's true." Elsa grinned.

"But we're not monkeys Elsa. We're people."

"That's also true, but we did evolve from a common ancestor and we do share over 90% of our DNA with them."

"Really?" Rae asked, "Fuck…"

"You're doing biology Rae." Elsa responded with a disbelieving look.

"Yeah but we're doing evolution next year." Rae answered embarrassed.

"Alright." Elsa smiled slowly, "Anyway, that's only the first moral of the story, because the tale doesn't end there." Elsa cleared her throat, "after the scientists were sure the monkeys had learned the lesson, they removed the bananas. And took one monkey out and replaced it with a new monkey. They let everything settle down and return to normal. Then they put another bunch of bananas on top of the pyramid."

"Scientists are real dicks." Rae said in a serious tone.

"Sometimes." Elsa agreed chuckling, "Only the new monkey went to rush up the pyramid to get the bananas. But the others stopped her. They beat her down and told her in monkey language that it was dangerous to go for the banana."

"So the old monkeys taught the new one?"

"Yep." Elsa agreed. "And so once the new monkey had learned that lesson, life returned to normal. The scientists removed one of the original monkeys and put in another new one."

"Utter dicks." Rae grinned.

"And when they put the bananas on the pyramid, the new one went to go for them, and everyone stopped him. Even the other new monkey that had never been electrified, she'd just been told by the other's how bad it was."

"Did this experiment really happen?"

"I dunno, but the point I'm gonna make stands, even if it didn't happen ok?" Rae nodded in reply, "the scientists kept doing this until none of the original monkeys were left in the room. What do you think they were like when the bananas were put on top of the pyramid every day?"

"They wouldn't go for them because they'd been taught by the others not to."

"That's right. They hadn't even experienced being electrified." Elsa told her with a smile that told Rae the point was coming now, "They'd just inherited the fears of those that came before them." Rae took that in and felt a strange sensation spread through her mind. Had she inherited the fears of her mother? "The most interesting thing about this Rae, is that when the dick scientists introduced the first new monkey, they turned off the electricity."

"So they could have gotten the banana." Rae said slowly.

"Things change. Society changes… but we still all have the same old fears."

"Fears of things that might not even happen." Rae felt understanding settle in the pit of her stomach.

"Might not even be an issue any more… And even if they are… even if shit happens… Like you said Rae, you gotta find a way around the electricity to get your banana." Elsa gave her an enigmatic smile, "You can't let fear, yours or anyone else's hold you back Rae. Sure you might get hurt, but you gotta try, or you'll never get your banana!" Rae laughed at the idea of herself holding a banana triumphantly above her head.

"Alright." She said with a grin.

"Give acting a bit of a think yeah?"

"I will." Rae said honestly.

"Alright piss off." Elsa said and turned back to the table. Rae went back out to her group and sat down next to Chloe.

"You were gone a long time." Archie said. Rae noticed Finn's eyes on her, clearly wanting to ask her how she went, if she was ok, why had she been so long…? She could see his desire to speak with her and gifted him a small smile that he returned; the feeling that their argument might come to an end soon sunk into both of them

"Yeah had a bit of a chat with Elsa." Rae shrugged.

"What about?" Phillip asked.

"Monkeys." Rae grinned, "Turns out we both like monkeys." Finn gave her a strange look but she just laughed at the confusion on everyone's face, "They're having a quick break." She turned to Chloe, "I saw your name next on the list babe." Chloe thanked Rae for the heads up and looked over her monologue in silence, while Rae considered what Elsa had said in earnest.

_'Pepper' by Butthole Surfers_

Their group scene went really well, and Rae could tell from the general chit chat afterwards, that theirs was the only group scene that had gone off without a hitch, other people had frozen or dropped a line and apparently Josh had gotten the giggles. Candace was furious because he cued most of her lines.

"Ok, so after the summer break, half of you will be gone and we'll have some fresh meat." Elsa said to the class before they milled out. "I'll miss you guys, have a great life. You can go." She grinned as the second year students started to leave, Archie hanging around with Rae, Finn and Chloe, "For those of us left here, the regional drama competitions await. Rae, Phillip, Candace, Josh, and yes Sam and Izzy will be able to go to Lincoln for the competition, you'll be gone overnight." There was a general excitement for Izzy's return and the 6 chosen actors grinned, Josh was a second year student, but he'd agreed to hang around for the competition, Rae shot a look over at Finn who looked unimpressed. "You'll be there on the Monday and Tuesday of the second week of term 1." Rae and Finn shared a look, Finn sucking his teeth and shaking his head. "I'll give you guys some permission slips and payment details on the way out. Now the comedy duologues will be performed on the Wednesday and Thursday of the same week, also in Lincoln." Elsa looked over her notes, "Which means that you Sam, will be away from school for a couple of extra days, because yours and Amy's duologue got in." Elsa grinned at them and Amy looked pleased. Rae sighed, annoyed that Amy was only a first year; she'd have to put up with her next year. "Our lovely twins are also going." Elsa grinned up at Kristi and Kurt Callahan. "Loved the whole parents still mixing you up as young adults thing. It's a great example of using something you know in your life to create art." Rae looked over at Kristi and smiled. She was new to the school and had been worried about making a joke that she and her brother looked way too alike; worried that people would think she looked like a man. And then Rae had pointed out to her that the reason she looked like her brother was because he was so damn pretty and that Kristi herself was possibility too pretty for words. With those words in her ears, Kristi had written one of the funniest duologues Rae had ever seen and Kurt hadn't minded playing up the fact that he was so pretty, because he knew he was popular with the girls; fourth on the list at the school after King Finn, Hot Mike, Steamy Phillip, then Pretty Kurt. Rae had nearly choked watching them perform their duologue, she'd laughed that hard; they were going to win this competition hands down.

"Last duologue is Finn and Rae. So you'll be there a bit longer like Sam." Elsa said to Rae and Finn felt a surge of surprise go through him. He'd never been picked to represent the school at anything that wasn't sport related. He looked over at Rae, who was beaming at him, and felt a bewildered grin on his face. Archie smacked his back.

"Becoming an over-achiever Finlay." Archie joked and Finn turned to him with a surprised look and then shook his head.

"I'm just on Rae's coat tails." He said, but inside he knew it wasn't true, he'd written half of that duologue, and he'd had to perform it successfully with her; he'd earned this. Finn didn't know how to feel about that, and he took his permission slip and payment details from Elsa numbly.

"I don't need this." He handed back the permission note and Elsa nodded; Finn was over 18 now, he didn't need his parents to sign for him. But he took the payment options slip and looked over the costs. His dad wold be so stoked he'd pay for this without a thought. Rae's mum might have a little more trouble coming up with the money though. Finn looked up from the letter to see Phillip give Rae a hug, say a few words and leave. He could see why Rae would tell him that it was no different to the hugs she gave Chop or Archie, and he wouldn't be able to explain to her how it was more like the early hugs he'd given her; charged with sexual undercurrents.

"Fucking Phil." He mumbled and walked over to Rae, who was now chatting with Chloe.

"D'you know blue, I won't be sorry to be leaving." Stacey said to Rae as she got to the door. "I won't have to see your fat arse anymore." Rae rolled her eyes.

"And I won't have to hear fucking Backstreet Boys in the common room anymore. I think we both know who's really winning here." Stacey gave her a dirty look and left.

"Blue?" Finn asked before kissing Rae's cheek softly, his hand sliding happily up and down her back.

"It's the nick-name Simmy ended up giving me." Rae said with a shrug.

"Well that ended up being relatively painless." Archie was surprised.

"Yeah but what does blue mean?' Chloe asked, "You know it's got a meaning, coming from that dick-wad." Chloe said with an annoyed tone.

"Maybe like blue-veined cheese." Archie said, "So he thinks you taste bad… or you're stinky." Archie mused.

"I don't know what blue means and I don't care." Rae answered.

"Blue whale." Josh said as he neared them. "It means blue whale." Josh shook his head, "Stacey helped him choose it cos blue whales are the biggest animal to have ever lived on the earth, even bigger than dinosaurs." Josh looked embarrassed, "I told him to shut the fuck up. I'm sorry Rae, you're a top bird… you don't deserve that shite." He gave Finn a quick look and left.

"Just ignore it Rae." Chloe said instantly and Rae looked down, wishing that Finn's hand wasn't on her back, right where that fat roll was. The one that Saul had squeezed. She pulled away from Finn suddenly, not able to make eye contact with anyone.

"I just gotta go to the bathroom." She mumbled before taking off, Finn watched her disappear into the disabled toilet with a deeply concerned look on his face.

"How do we fix it?" Archie asked.

"Tell her it's not true." Chloe said.

"Yeah but she's heard that a thousand times." Archie complained. Finn's mind should be racing with ways to fix it but instead it was still… he seemed to already have an idea. He shoved his bag in Archie's hands.

"Back in a sec." He bolted off. They watched him leave, utterly perplexed.

"D'you sometimes feel vastly underqualified as the best friend to these two Chlo?"

"All the time." Chloe shook her head.

It only took a few minutes for Finn to re-appear with a book under his arm.

"She still in there." It was more a statement than a question. They nodded and he knocked on the door.

"Rae, let me in." He said in a commanding voice that surprised both Chloe and Archie. He shrugged at them, "can't plead with her when she like this." He told them. The door was unlocked and Finn took his bag from Archie.

"Meet you at the table." He said and entered the toilet, locking it behind him without waiting for an answer. He looked at Rae, she was leaning over the sink, staring at the mirror. "Alright girl?" He asked her and she shrugged. He sat down on the lidded toilet and watched her. "You're thinking that you know you're fat but you're not the fattest, right?" Rae turned her eyes to him. "Amongst other less nice things." She shrugged sullenly, a tear slipping down her face. Finn gave her a small smile, "I hate seeing you like this." He looked down at the book he'd retrieved from the science rooms. He'd seen it the last time he'd been in there. He opened it up and skimmed through the index to find the pages he wanted. He skipped forward to the right spot and started to read from it, "The blue whale… I'm not saying the Latin name." He shook his head and grinned at her, he saw a slight grin on her lips. "Is a marine mammal." He skimmed the paragraph, "it's a baleen whale… whatever the fuck that is." Rae smiled at the way he read the book to her, she couldn't help it, "its 30 metres long and 170 tonnes." Finn shook his head, "what a sight that would be. "It's the largest existing animal and the heaviest to have ever existed." He continued reading without looking up at her, "the blue whale's body is long and slender." He looked up at Rae, "various shades of blue and grey." He continued and then looked back down, "pretty much only eats krill, which is some of the smallest marine animals." He pulled a face, "krill." He repeated, "they were hunted to near extinction and there's only 5 groups of them left… they number at most 12,000 animals, whereas they used to live in groups of hundreds of thousands." He looked up at Rae, "they're very rare it seems." He looked back down at the book, "I'm sure you don't care that their flippers are 4 meters long and they've got two blowholes…" He grinned but kept reading, "They got a lung capacity of 5,000 litres." He said, "And they can swim up to 50 kilometres an hour!" He looked impressed, "its tongue weighs 2.7 tonnes, which is like the weight of an elephant! And even though it's got a big mouth, its throat can't swallow anything bigger than a beach ball." Rae felt herself becoming increasingly interested, "its heart weighs 600 kilograms. Wow…" Finn read on, skipping the less interesting things, "a baby blue whale puts on 90 kilos a day by drinking 400 litres of milk every day." He suddenly laughed, "This is what I like to hear; the blue whale has the largest penis of any living animal! About 3 metres!"

"Holy fuck." Rae laughed.

"They breach the water." Finn showed her a picture of a whale leaping half out of the water, "that's fucking impressive." He marvelled, "it takes 10 years for them to start breeding, and they probably live till they're 80." He looked up at her and saw the interest in her eyes, "They sing." He told her, "Not as much as humpbacks… but they do sing." He smiled, "They are thought to form close attachments, perhaps even lifelong ones."

"Oh right?" Rae grinned.

"And this sounds about right; they're the loudest animal on the planet." Rae laughed, "They can hear each other over distances of 1, 600 kilometres.

"I don't think even I could manage that Finn."

"I dunno…" Finn pulled a face and she hit his arm. They laughed, "Orcas and sharks attack them to try and eat them. And it's thought that they feel emotions like love and gratitude." Finn handed her the opened book, "Look at how beautiful they are." Rae didn't look at the book, she kept her eyes on Finn, "The point is Rae; yeah they're big. And I wanna add that being big is not a bad thing." He added meaningfully, "They're big and also beautiful and fascinating… there's a lot more to them than that one thing." He said honestly, "I quite like them, you know." Rae looked down at the open pages of the heavy tome. "Magnificent right?" Finn asked her as she looked at them, "Makes you wonder how something so spectacular could come into existence? And how humans could be so fucking stupid as to nearly wipe them out? People just don't realise the worth of stuff… of other people."

"Alright." Rae said softly, "good job Finn." She smiled at him. "I suppose there's worse things to be called."

"Yeah like Stacey or Simmy." Finn answered and Rae shook her head and grinned.

"Don't even suggest it. It's too big an insult!" They shared a healing smile and then Finn decided to add his plan B into the mix even though his plan A had worked.

"Plus you know, the top 3 guys all want you." He said with a grin. "Gotta expect some backlash from the jealous ones."

"No they d-" Rae stopped. Finn, obviously. And Phillip, probably still yes. But Mike? "Not Mike." She corrected herself, "He said I was hot once, when he saw me half naked, that's not the same as wanting someone."

"He asks me how y'are every time I see him now." Rae looked away blushing.

"That fucking modelling thing." She shook her head. "You know Phillip might have been there." She said and Finn's eyes narrowed.

"I didn't see him."

"How many people did you look at though?"

"Not many." Finn admitted, "That fucker. I'm gonna flatten him."

"Finn." Rae said admonishing him, "it's not his fault, he didn't know I were gonna do that."

"Yeah but a decent guy would have left under his circumstances."

"We don't even know if he were there." Rae reminded him and sighed.

"Listen Rae, don't listen to Stacey and Simmy and all those fuckers." Finn said, "If they can look at this magnificent creature," Finn said as he took the book back from her, "and only see that it's big, I'm not sure that you can trust their opinion on anything you know?"

"Magnificent creature?" Rae raised her eyebrows.

"Well you are a bit of an animal in the sack." He grinned, "And also…" He lowered his eyes and put the book in his bag, "I wanted to apologise about this morning." Rae suddenly became serious and looked away.

"Oh aye?" She asked in a small hurt voice.

"I know this doesn't excuse it, but… I had a dream before that you was being killed by Saul, and when I woke up, you weren't there." Rae looked over at him, her arms crossed over her chest tightly, but sympathy had crept into her eyes.

"What happened?" She asked and he shook his head.

"I don't wanna relive it Rae." He said softly, "it were…" He looked up at her, "vivid." He said with real pain, "and detailed, I could feel the warmth of your blood." His eyes were bruised with emotion, "It were so real." He took a slow deep breath. "It's no excuse but."

"Finn…" She wanted to say something comforting but he stopped her.

"You have nightmares Rae and you don't treat me like that." He shook his head, "It's no excuse and I'm sorry."

"I dream that he kills you." She said honestly, she also dreamed of what would have happened if Finn hadn't showed up when he did. She dreamed of waking up in a darkened room, of being tied up, of being unable to stop him. She dreamed of his breath on her skin, his hands on her… She dreamed of being cut, of being penetrated with knives and parts of him, his fingers, his penis… She woke up in terror more often than she didn't. But she didn't want to think about any of it. She wouldn't let it take over her life.

"I know." He said softly, acutely aware of her nightmares.

"It kills me." She said softly. "I think we're both still healing mentally you know?" Finn nodded.

"And that's why… I'm not gonna back down Rae." He saw the disappointed look on her face and smiled encouragingly, "but I am gonna compromise." He added, "So the rules are, Miss Earl," he said in a voice that indicated he was not messing with her, he would not argue on this, "You have to tell me where you're going and how long you'll be." He said sternly, "but if you need time to be alone… then ok." He took her hand, "Just tell me first, so I don't have a fucking heart attack. Alright?"

"Alright." She agreed.

"Wake me up before you go jogging, and tell me how long you'll be." He said earnestly, "I don't wanna control what you do, I just need to know you're ok."

"Alright Finn.'

"So we alright?" She loved that he always sounded so vulnerable and urgent when they were making up, as if it were still in question that it would happen.

"We're alright."

"Let's eat." He stood up and Rae kissed him deeply and with unexpected passion.

"You know… we are in here…" Rae said suggestively and Finn grinned.

"I would normally say god yes woman I'll have you." He kissed her, "But I want you well fed and ready for your drama written." And she sighed.

"You're right."

They walked hand in hand to the lunch table. Chloe and Archie looked up with expectant eyes.

"I see all is right with the world?" Archie noted and Rae smiled.

"Yeah I'm good. And bricking it about me drama written." Rae grinned and Finn tugged her hair softly. She liked that he did it. It was like a little boy with a crush on a little girl. He just took a lock between his thumb and forefinger and tugged it gently every now and then, and when she turned to look at him, he'd always have a devastatingly beautiful and cheeky grin on his face. This time was no different.

They ate and chatted, thinking of plans for the summer holidays. Macca walked across the grass to them and nodded hello before approaching.

"Alright?" He got nods from everyone but Archie, who looked down and fidgeted with his fingers. Finn lit up a cigarette, glad he could smoke out here now, he was over 18, and for the past two months he'd been flaunting that as often as he could. He'd cut back the amount of cigarettes he'd let himself smoke in a day and noticed an improvement when running, but he didn't want to quit; he liked smoking. Just like he liked drinking and doing drugs occasionally. He just had to find the right balance.

"Nelson, was wondering if you're repeating PE next year?"

"No I passed it." Finn answered Macca and Macca nodded as if Finn was stupid.

"Uh huh, so did I… but since I gotta be here again, I figured I might do it again." Macca already knew he'd failed maths and he needed it for the degree he wanted, or rather for the degree his father wanted him to do: engineering. Finn considered this.

"Get to play the AFL match again." He grinned and Macca nodded.

"Now you're getting it." Macca grinned.

"I got a full schedule already, but I'll think about it."

"Alright." He cleared his throat awkwardly and his eyes flitted to Archie and back to Finn. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm not gonna have contact with Simmy after he graduates. I'm already not really his mate anymore, but I'm gonna cut all ties. He's a right wanker." Archie looked up at him, "Sorry about what happened before Archer." Archie shrugged and looked down at the table.

"He's been doing a good job o' not being seen." Finn commented stiffly. He still intended to knock the shit out of Simmy the first chance he got.

"I'm surprised at that." Macca said, "He keeps saying he's gonna kill you Finn." Finn scoffed.

"Why?" Rae asked, outraged.

"I dunno." Macca shrugged, "I guess he blames Finn for me not being his mate anymore. And a lot o' people tell him to shut up about Arch and you Rae, and Chlo, when he gets going. He blames Finn for it."

"So he's gonna kill you Finn cos you encourage people to be decent." Archie said scathingly, "What a fucking knob."

"Look who's popular Finn." Chloe joked and Finn shrugged indifferently.

"Right, well I'm gonna head off. Hope to see you in PE next year Nelson." Macca turned and jogged off.

The rest of the lunch break went by too quickly and before Rae knew it Finn was kissing her passionately at the door to the classroom where she'd sit her performing arts written exam. He held her to him, kissing her so deeply that they didn't notice students milling past them, Phillip went past, with a look halfway between repulsed and longing. He started to let her go, their foreheads touching.

"What are you gonna do while I'm in there?"

"Sit right here and wait for you." He said honestly.

"It's three hours Finn." He shrugged and she shook her head fondly, "I got a couple o' books in me bag." She handed it to him and took her pencil case out of it, "In case you wanna read something." They kissed again and she groaned sulkily when she had to go in. Finn gave Elsa a small nod as she came to the door to close it and he couldn't help but notice how good she looked. That was normal with Elsa but; if you were human you noticed her. Archie even joked about going straight for her when she had a particularly good day and he'd decided she must have magic pheromones or something. He put her from his mind quite easily and slid down the wall opposite the door, sitting with his knees up he rummaged through Rae's bag and pulled out the first book he found.

'Akhenaten' by Dorothy Porter. He shook his head and narrowed is eyes.

"Fucking Phillip." He popped the last 'p' in Phillip's name as he muttered to himself and turned the book over in his hands to read the back cover. He opened it up. "Fucking poetry." He mumbled, but he found it easy to read, even though he was sure he was missing some of the metaphors and subtleties, he understood enough to follow the story of the rogue Pharaoh. The poem 'Malkata' made him long for his mother and he was surprised; he'd never had a connection with poetry before. There were several poems about Akhenaten's relationship with his mother, and Finn felt a tug at his insides when he read them. When he came to the poem 'My White Queen' he thought of Rae instantly: 'My wife wears a fighter's crown as she sings beside me… Her cheek at my shoulder but her teeth in my heart.' Again Finn was amazed by how much of a chord this struck with him. And the sex poem 'Nefertiti rides me' could have been describing the way Rae rid him. Finn devoured the book, forgetting that this was from Phil to Rae. The poems about Akhenaten's wife made Finn think of Rae and he found himself grinning as he read about them growing closer, having children and ruling a kingdom together. He frowned over the second wife business, and started to laugh at himself getting so invested in the characters in a bunch of poems. A few pages later the book became darker, and Finn felt repulsed by Akhenaten and almost stopped reading, the story was having such a profound effect on him. Finn watched everything falling apart as the rogue pharaoh made the most appalling and repulsive decisions. Finn felt his eyes growing wider, his jaw dropping, his mouth pulling into a sneer of disgust as things spiralled around the drain for Akhenaten. Finn finished the book in just over an hour and had to stop to think for a long time after it, feeling an odd sense of nausea and shock. He had gotten so emotionally involved with it and that surprised him.

"Billy sure does know his books." He muttered to himself and pulled out another book from Rae's bag. But he didn't read it, he looked back at 'Akhenaten' and worried that Phillip knew his books so well. Rae loved reading and Phillip always had good books to loan her. Finn bit the inside of his cheek slowly, thinking about what he'd said to Archie earlier: was Phil a better match for Rae?

_'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac_

Gary paid the taxi driver and got out of the car. He looked at the house for a long time. Memories from his youth came back to him. There was a steep hill a few kilometres from here that he and Kenzie had tobogganed down, he didn't know it, but it was the same one Finn and Rae had gone down with the gang last winter; Chop's family owned a great deal of the land in Sutherland. But the McCay Clan was from the region too. He looked up the street, remembering taking her hand and walking through the fields in summer to the lake.

"Loch." He told himself softly with a fond smile. She'd always correct him with her strong accent. He had spent many of his holidays in Sutherland with her grandparents. He looked back at the house. It used to be her brother's house, but when he moved to Australia, his wife, Anka, had refused to go with him. They had divorced, the house had gone to Anka, and Gary could only hope she still lived here. Kenzie had not been angry at Anka for divorcing her brother, they had remained the best friends they'd become from the moment Anka had started dating Kenzie's brother; the rest of the family had hated Anka from Australia where they all lived. All except for Kenzie and it had strained her relationship with her family, but they still had contact and they had constantly urged her to move her family over to Australia too. And that was his fear now; that she had moved where he couldn't go to her. He pushed that thought down and instead thought of the happy times he'd spent with her in Sutherland. He knew that Kenzie's grandparents were buried in the church graveyard not far from here and he felt a deep melancholy; he hadn't seen them for so many years.

He looked at the door again. He took a deep steadying breath. It had been five years since he'd seen Anka.

She'd come to visit him two years after Kenzie left to tell him that she was alive and getting help and to look after Finn. He remembered her sitting in the lounge room, smoking like a chimney. Gary smiled fondly remembering the way she'd moved when she spoke to him about his wife. She told him all of this, said it was a message from Kenzie and then told him to move on with his life.

_Did that last bit come from Kenzie?_

_No Gary, that comes from me. Move on darling. _

_Until she tells me to do that, you know I can't Anka. I made a vow to her._

He understood that Anka wanted him to be happy. But she was too pragmatic to understand his mind and heart on this matter. That was Anka; a realist, not a romantic bone in her body.

He walked up to the front door and knocked. She opened the door and smiled warmly.

"Gary!" She cooed and opened her arms for him. They hugged. "My little kumquat!" She murmured to him.

"Anka. Anka darling how are you?" He asked her fondly.

"Sick of my young lover." She said as she let him in and Gary smiled, knowing she'd say something like this. "His dick's not big enough and he doesn't know how to use it well enough for me to be putting up with his shit this much."

"Time to find a new lad then." Gary laughed as he sat down in her lounge room, "How old was this one?"

"Just barely 18." She answered with a devilish grin, her German accent lilting her words poetically somehow, she didn't look as old as Gary knew her to be: 40.

"So Finn's age." Gary reminded her and she looked shocked.

"Not my little Finney! Mein Mäuschen!" She clucked affectionately, "Where has the time gone?" She shook her head and then the devilish glint Gary was accustomed to twinkled in her eyes "but you know, süsser," She teased, "Finn is no blood relative of mine… and he is just old enough to tempt me." Gary chuckled.

"He is otherwise engaged, Prinzessin."

"Your German accent is shit!" She said in outrage and got up, storming into her kitchen, leaving Gary to chuckle. He'd missed Anka's playfulness. He remembered Kenzie always saying that she was worried Gary would fall in love with Anka because every boy did. But he'd only ever had eyes for Kenzie, even the flamboyant, exotic and undeniably erotic Anka had not diverted his eyes from Kenzie for long; only the odd momentary glance of appreciation. It was hard not to appreciate Anka, mostly it was her outrageous adherence to being true to herself at all costs; she was difficult and tempestuous and impulsive and reckless and utterly loveable. She came back with strong sweet coffee and an ashtray. She gave Gary a thin cigar and curled up on the lounge with her own.

"Oh I quit Anka."

"Das ist Blödsinn! Du bist in meinem Haus, also rauchst du jetzt eine mit mir!" She commanded.

"Alright, Herzkäfer!" Gary grinned at her impetuousness and lit the cigar.

"Good?" Gary nodded. "Ja." She agreed sagely. "And you do remember that Herzkäfer isn't an actual word, ja?" Gary shrugged.

"Dankeschön, meine Liebe." He tried and she scowled.

"Don't speak German to me! You mouth makes a mockery of it!" Gary laughed and she gave him a sulky look.

"You're as lovely as ever Anka, mein Spatz." He teased and she pulled a face at him and then looked serious.

"I know, but darling do you think I should get some work done?"

"Work?"

"A little nip and tuck. Age you know, he is catching up." She pulled an imperious face and shrugged.

"I thought you were younger than me!" He gave her a cheeky grin. She was six years his senior.

"Oh my süsser, I have missed your flattery." She batted an eyelid at him and blew out cigar smoke, her body held in a strong masculine position, her dress and make up a picture of feminine perfection. "You have come for Kenzie, Bärchen." She said knowingly and Gary nodded with a small smile. "I thought you would come sooner."

"I got used to waiting." He acknowledged.

"What changed?"

"Finn."

"Ah, der Sohn wird ungeduldig und möchte seine Mutter sehen." She mused.

"Not impatient, mein süsses Ding." Gary answered, amazed he could remember so much German. "He just needs to know." Gary looked down and picked up his coffee, "And I suppose I do too now."

"Why now for you mein Herzkäfer?" She asked indulgently and Gary gave her a cheeky grin.

"For the first time in my life Anka, I considered taking a small piece of your advice." He admitted. "Only for a second though." He teased

"Oh yes?" She asked, "Which piece?"

"Perhaps…" He paused, not sure if he even meant it. "Perhaps it is time for me to move on." He shook his head, the words sounding wrong the minute they were said, "No." He sighed, "I just need to know." He looked up at her, "That's all." He said firmly.

"Who is she?" Anka asked astutely.

"There's no one else." Gary said with an almost cynical shake of his head. "I wouldn't break my vows to my wife."

"Of course not Liebster." Anka answered as if this were obvious, "now who is she?" Gary shook his head.

"A friend." He said softly. "I'm not even sure I feel anything like that for her…. but she reminded me what it was like to…" What did she remind him of exactly? How butterflies felt in his stomach? How his palms could get sweaty? How to steal glances at someone you shouldn't be looking at…?

"To feel." Anka finished for him and Gary nodded slowly. Yes. Yes she reminded him what it was like to feel. Anka sighed sympathetically. "You should have taken my advice years ago süsser."

"I can't abandon my wife Anka. I love her. I made vows to her." Gary drew on his cigar and looked down at his hands, "What kind of man would I be if I abandoned her when she needed me? What example would that set to my son?"

"Good questions, Engelchen." Anka grinned like a sphinx. "But answer this; would you have your son suffer as you have? For so long? Would you have him wrap the most vital and alive part of himself up into a little box and let it wither and die? You have forgotten how to be loved Gary; what it feels like… Would you want that for Finn?" Gary watched the smoke rise from his cigar, "Ask yourself what you have really been teaching him. A kind of self-deluded masochism."

"Too far Anka." Gary said gently. She always said things like this and he had been preparing himself for it all day.

"How else would you describe it?"

"Loyalty. Honour. Keeping vows is not a bad thing to teach my son. Being faithful is not a bad thing to teach my son!" Gary replied and Anka took a deep breath.

"Always men delude themselves with this notion." Anka said softly, "I should know. In my country, men did terrible things to keep their word and vow to the fatherland… to be faithful and loyal to that government. To keep their honour intact, so they thought. But these things Gary… loyalty… honour… without questioning, without reason; it can never lead to good things." Her eyes pierced him, "keeping vows without questioning them is the same mentality as following orders without questioning them. People must go through life with their minds fully functioning, or they are ghosts, and they create ghosts of the people around them." She sucked her cigar, "either literally or metaphorically."

"I think that comparing the Holocaust to my situation is really going too far Anka."

"My grandmother died in the Holocaust. Did you forget?" Gary closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief at his own stupidity.

"I'm sorry Anka." He had forgotten that she was Roma, that her father had been a child smuggled out of Germany by his aunt, that both of her grandparents had been prisoners. That her father had returned there years later to see where his mother had died and where his father had somehow endured. Anka's father had met her mother there and resettled in Germany after years of living in England. Anka had dual citizenship, but rarely went back.

"I say what I mean Gary. No good comes of never questioning." She stubbed out her cigar, "My father taught me that." Her eyes flashed with emotion. "Taught me to apply what our family had learned to my entire life, even the small insignificant things. To live like the next Holocaust is coming. Because those fuckers still hate us." Gary lowered his eyes. "Don't feel too bad süsser… it's not as though I still live in the traditional ways! Look at me settled in this house… the people here have no knowledge of my heritage. How would they treat me if they knew, I wonder?" She grinned cheekily, "I don't believe in god or traditions or even vows anymore… but I still believe in meinen Vater."

"It's good advice Anka."

"I know." She looked him up and down, "And look at the ghost you've become, mein Schatz. It hurts my heart to see you as this." She lit another cigar, "Had you taken my advice, you would be enjoying your life. Living as if there is no tomorrow, eh? You would have love in your life!"

"I still have love in my life." Gary countered.

"You love is like a dead thing in your chest Gary." She shook her head. "I have no contact with Kenzie at this time." She added, "Let her go." Gary picked up his coffee and thought about that for a moment.

"You're lying." He said stubbornly.

"Whether I am or not. You have my answer."

"Who puts the flowers on Grace's grave?" Gary saw her flinch. Anka had taken Grace's death very badly. She had lost her only pregnancy at 7 months; a baby girl. It was Anka that had named Grace when she was born just 3 months later. Anka sucked on her cigar heavily. Gary remembered Anka at the graveside at Grace's funeral, clinging to Kenzie, both women weeping while Gary watched the tiny coffin being lowered into the ground, his hand clenching Kenzie's tightly, the other hand holding Finn's hand.

"Das tat weh." She muttered to herself and then looked at Gary with a sad face. "Cold." She answered she lowered her eyes again, "To use her name when you know how it will hurt." She didn't look back up at him. "You have always been many things Gary. But callous was never one of them."

"You think it hurts you more than me to think of her?"

"I have two baby girls to think of." Anka replied. "Twice as painful eh?" She got up and poured herself a large glass of scotch. She poured another for Gary. He accepted it and they both downed the liquor in one gulp. Gary felt the fire in his belly and leaned back on the lounge. She gave him another cigar and he took it without comment.

"Sorry." He said after a long silence.

"I loved Gracie." Anka said sadly, "As much as my Jana."

"I know." Gary hadn't deliberately named Grace to hurt Anka. He had forgotten how much she loved Grace until he saw the pain on her face. He had forgotten so much, locked it up in a little box as Anka had said.

"We have both known so much hurt my friend." She smiled grimly at him "I will not let this come between us." She stood and did them another huge glass of Scotch. "Don't think about it again, Herzchen." She ordered when she saw how apologetic he looked. Gary nodded and took the proffered Scotch.

"Give me something to go on Anka. Please."

"Du bist so ein Dickkopf." She shook her head, "I don't have anything to give you." She answered honestly, "She appears when she does. She calls when she does. I do not have contact details."

"Is there a pattern to when she contacts you?"

"Nein." Anka took a deep breath, "But she has reverted to her maiden name, perhaps that will help you." Gary felt a stab at his heart.

"So I'm looking for Kenzie McCay, not Kenzie Nelson. It's a start." He said, trying to hide how much that hurt.

"Her silly Scottish pride, kleiner Käfer." Anka answered.

"Yeah." Gary answered unconvinced, "That's why…" Anka shrugged, she had never been one for taking a man's name. How droll. "When she comes… does it look like she's travelled far?"

"Yes." Anka answered. "But not hours and hours."

"So she's not in Scotland. And she's not in Australia either. Progress." Gary tried not to get frustrated. He'd known it wouldn't be that easy to find her.

"I will tell her to call you. As I always do when I see her." Gary swallowed hard.

"Why doesn't she call?"

"Who knows?" Anka blew cigar smoke out and shrugged slowly, "You are both so bizarre. Ich verstehe euch beide echt nicht." She drank her scotch. "You should both move on. "

"Easier said than done when you're in love."

"You think I was not in love with Angus?" She asked with an angry flash of her eyes, "so ein Schwachsinn!" She said venomously.

"No I know you were, mein Engel." Gary wondered if contacting Angus, Kenzie's brother, might help. He knew that Finn didn't even know that he had an Uncle Angus running a cattle farm in the outback of Australia. He and Kenzie had joked that Angus owned Angus cows…

"And yet I moved on." Anka said, "Moving on does not mean you did not love each other. It doesn't even mean that you do not still love each other." Her eyes flitted over to the picture of Angus on the fireplace mantle. "It just means that you have learned the lesson that love alone is not enough for a healthy relationship." Gary looked up at the picture of Angus.

"You still in contact with him?"

"His new wife hates me!" Anka exclaimed, "So of course we are darling." Gary chuckled.

"Can I get his number?" Anka narrowed her eyes.

"Not yet." She said, "He would not like that." She held her hand up to silence his protest, "Try the florists in… where is that awful place you live?"

"Stamford… it's actually nice…" Anka scoffed.

"Check to see if any of the local florists have a standing order to place flowers on her grave." Anka said.

"They won't give me contact details though."

"Men are so ridiculously stupid, dear Bärchen." Anka told him. "The delivery boy that earns a pittance and has to deliver to a graveyard all the time, will give you the contact details for fifty pounds." She answered and Gary's mouth opened in realisation.

"That's a good idea." He breathed.

"Natürlich, ich bin schliesslich brilliant!" She said with a grin, "If that does not work, I will ask Angus to call you." She lowered her eyes, "He misses you." Gary remembered the fist fight they'd gotten into just after Grace's death. And then the harsh words spoken when Kenzie had first disappeared. They'd never healed their relationship, he wondered if they ever could.

"I miss him too." Gary shook his head, "He won't call, Süsser. You know that."

"Not unless I order him too, mein Käfer!" Anka laughed and Gary grinned fondly. Of course she still held sway over Angus. There was a knock on the door and Anka grinned. "Stay in contact this time my sweet darling Garylein." She dismissed him and Gary nodded.

"I will Prinzessin." Gary hugged her firmly and she kissed his mouth with wry grin before showing him the door. Waiting to be let in was a young man, his hat in his hands, eagerly awaiting his older, experienced lover. Gary chuckled and shook his head. He headed off to the graveyard. He'd have to ring Finn and tell him he'd be away for the next few nights. He wanted to hang around, just in case Kenzie showed up. He knew it was a long shot, but he had to try.

_'Whole Lotta Love' by Led Zeppelin_

Finn put the last dish in the cupboard after drying it haphazardly. Rae had disappeared upstairs as soon as she'd finished the dishwashing saying she had 'a surprise, of sorts' for him, and he was keen to know what his saucy little minx was up to. They were both feeling prepared for their last exam tomorrow afternoon, so he had a feeling she had organised some quality 'stress relief' for tonight since they had the place to themselves. He turned from the sink and watched as she came back into the room completely naked, her hands held behind her back.

"You have to promise not to be mad at me." Finn took in her body, the devilish grin on her face and felt his cock responding in his pants.

"Alright girl." He agreed.

"Go sit on the lounge." She said softly and he paused.

"What's behind your back?"

"Go sit on the lounge!" She ordered and he obliged, dragging his feet a little; he was enjoying looking at her naked body under the fluorescent lights of the kitchen. It was surreal to have her wandering through his house naked.

He took his shirt off.

"Leave your pants on." She said, and he sank down into the lounge; his pants unbuttoned and unzipped, but still up. She sat on the edge of the lounge, her back angled away from him so he couldn't see what was behind it.

"So what am I not being mad about?" He asked and she bit her bottom lip and slowly brought two blank-looking VHS tapes from behind her back. There could have been anything on those tapes, but Finn knew exactly what they were immediately.

"Rae?" He asked, surprised that she'd held on to two of his pornos.

"I told you that I wanted to watch them." Rae looked at his face carefully, worried about how he'd take this; it had been quite a gamble to take them and then present them like this.

"What? And now you think we're gonna?" He asked bewildered, "I'm not gonna sit here and watch porno with you." He asserted.

"Why not?"

"Cos it's embarrassing!" Finn looked away. It was more than that; he was worried how she'd respond to it, and what two movies she'd saved. But his cock was telling him to watch it with her. She was sitting naked in front of him; who knew where this would end up…? But Finn knew that all depended on which two videos she'd chosen, and because they were all bootlegged and had no covers, it was impossible to tell. Some of them she might like. But there were others, particularly one that she'd hate.

"I'm gonna watch both of them, all the way through tonight Finn." Rae said determined. "Sit with me and enjoy… or go elsewhere." She retorted haughtily. She instantly got up and put the first video into the machine. Finn groaned in frustration and embarrassment, worrying about which movie it would be and how she'd react to any kind of porn, his mind raced through the possibilities. He watched her bend over and admired her arse, her pussy lips visible when she bent low.

"Alright." He muttered and settled in for an awkward evening. "Did you get naked so I couldn't get mad at you?" He asked and she grinned cheekily.

"Maybe." She sat back down and took the remote control from the table, "I figured if you had my tits to play with you wouldn't mind about the pornos so much." She looked down at herself, "Then I figured I might as well just take it all off."

"Excellent thinking." Finn muttered as he put his lips to her nipple. She gave an appreciative noise and pressed play. Finn heard the machine start up and settled back on the lounge, his hand high on her thigh. "So why are my pants on?"

"So you don't get embarrassed about getting a stiffy. With your jeans on, I can't tell from over here." Rae said. Finn gave her a strange look and shook his head. He looked back at the screen.

"Oh it's only 'Penelope.'" He sighed with relief. This one was not too bad. "So far so good." He breathed to himself.

"Penelope?"

"Yeah, it's Italian, can't understand a word of it!" He grinned as the speaking began and Rae turned her eyes to the TV.

"So I'm guessing it's her story then?" Rae asked and Finn shrugged. "Oh boobs." Rae laughed as a blond woman got Penelope's breasts out of her shirt. "What is happening? It's all in Italian!"

"I never really cared what was happening in the talking bits Rae." He answered as if that was obvious and shook his head and watched the screen as a man entered. And the blond woman went with him; he used a pool cue to gently get her on her knees and Rae grinned; she liked that little bit of dominance. Penelope watched from a side room, masturbating.

"His cock's real veiny." She said and Finn scoffed.

"I never noticed." He sucked his teeth and tried not to notice now. He'd always watched pornos by himself or with a bunch of lads. Lads only ever commented on the girls. This was new.

Rae watched the blond woman sucking dick. She groaned a little when the man gently thrust into the woman's mouth and Finn noticed this. He was starting to think that this might actually be a good idea.

"Is that what my vagina looks like?" Rae asked as the man went down on the woman.

"Similar." Finn answered, "Yours is nicer." Rae grinned at this and watched the oral sex with a growing throb in her groin. She'd watched a small amount of her mother's porn, but that had been R-rated, it didn't show erect cocks or vaginas like this. It had been hot and dirty, but nothing like this. This was quite explicit. "We should use a mirror so you can see your own cunt properly." Finn said and Rae looked over at him.

"Alright." She agreed. "I wouldn't mind watching you fuck me again." Finn's cock was very much starting to enjoy this experience. His mind was still worrying about the second tape, but so far, this was going very well.

On the screen the man was slowly sliding his cock into the woman's pussy and Finn watched as Rae's mouth opened with desire.

"It looks amazing going in."

"Aye." Finn said softly, taken by the look on her face as she watched the close up of a cock sliding in and out of a cunt.

"God, I can almost feel it." She whispered, "Why did you throw the other pornos out!" She joked as her eyes stayed glued to the screen.

"Don't need it anymore." Finn explained, but watching the way her eyes were glued to the screen was convincing him otherwise.

"God that's fucking sexy." She whispered. "You get to see your cock in my cunt." She said enviously.

"We'll get on that mirror thing." He returned.

"God they make funny noises but!" She laughed. They started to fuck from behind and she watched, entranced, "Do I sound like that?"

"Not really… I think she's faking it." Finn scrunched up his face as the woman started to murmur in Italian, "Plus you don't speak Italian." He joked.

"And what girl masturbates from behind like that?"

"She's doing it for the camera."

"What the fuck?" Rae started to laugh as the video went to slow motion, slowing down the voices of the actors. Finn chuckled with her.

"Pornos are often pretty stupid." He agreed. And then the guy was coming, into the woman's mouth. Rae made a soft noise as she watched it happen. "Although the cum-shots are usually pretty good." He said in a low voice.

"Wow." Rae breathed as she watched the woman licking and slurping at the cum, playing with it with her tongue. "You need to be messier so we can do that." Finn made an appreciative noise in the affirmative, "Although she didn't swallow?" Rae sounded mildly outraged at this and Finn had a familiar sense of deep, sexual, thankfulness for her. She just didn't understand not swallowing… he was so, so grateful for that.

"You know, I thought porn would be… I dunno… rougher than us. But that were nothing." Rae said as she watched the women talking in Italian.

"Some are rough and some aren't." Finn answered, "We've been doing a pretty good job at exploring stuff, I reckon."

"So we're putting porn movies to shame!"

"Some of 'em!" Finn laughed.

"Can we fast forward over this talking stuff?"

"Aye, you wanna get to the good stuff?" Finn was in awe of her sexuality, she was as into exploration as he was. Boys were always made to understand that girls were not like that. Not the kind of girls you wanted to marry anyway. Finn had been thinking about that ridiculous notion a lot lately. Why wouldn't you want to marry a girl that matched you sexually? Rae seemed to match him sexually, and he really liked that. He couldn't understand people who thought sexually open girls were a bad thing.

"Well I can't understand Italian…" Rae joked and fast forwarded until the next sex scene. It was two women on the bed. She watched the two girls on the screen making out and going down. "She needs to lick it better than that!" Rae said and Finn smiled at her comments, "She'll never cum like that."

"It's just for show." Finn reminded her.

"Oh god I wouldn't want those fingernails in my cunt!" Rae cringed and Finn laughed. And then Rae gasped. Finn had been waiting for this moment. He kept his face forward and pursed his lips slightly.

"Did she just lick her arsehole?" She gasped again as she watched one woman gently licking the other's arsehole. Finn looked at her from the corner of his eye, trying to gauge her reaction. When he saw that she was relatively calm, intrigued even, he ventured a question;

"Do you want me to do that to you?"

"That can't be sanitary Finn!" Rae answered shocked.

"If you keep the area clean I can't see the problem." He mumbled and Rae's jaw dropped.

"Are you serious?"

"Aye." He answered honestly. Rae thought about the way Finn's fingers felt when they slid over that area of her crack, it was a sensitive area and it always made her body tingle with delight when he touched there. It might be nice if her licked there, but she was too weirded out by the idea to respond to him. And then the woman with long red nails started to finger the other girls arse.

"Oh fuck no!" Rae said and Finn laughed. "Those nails!" She watched the one woman eating the other out while she fingered her arse.

"They're eating pussy better now." Finn nodded, changing the focus slightly, and Rae had to agree as she felt her cunt aching for him to go down. Her mind wondered over the possibility of Finn's tongue travelling even further down and she scrunched up her face, but the movie quickly moved her onto other thoughts.

"You know I never had the urge to suck my own finger while you're going down." Rae said laughing at the way the woman was sucking her own fingers so suggestively.

"It makes lads think o' getting their dicks sucked. Porno's all about dick." Finn said sightly stiffly. There was worse to come in this movie and if the little bit of anilingus had gotten her worried, she might not like it at all.

"Oh aye, then why do I like it?"

"So you're liking it?" Finn asked, a little surprised, "Even with the arse licking and fingering?" Rae nodded slowly.

"Although I wish they'd stop with this story bullshite, no one cares!" She fast forwarded again and Finn watched her with an increasing smile. Maybe she'd be ok with the rest of the movie? After all, it was pretty tame in comparison to some of the stuff he'd seen, thanks to Chop and his brothers.

"The girls are all so much prettier than the boys in this but… and they're all skinny."

"Welcome to porn." Finn laughed, "No one's looking at the lads Rae!"

"Well porn's obviously not just for guys Finn, cos I like it!" She said and trained her eyes back on the screen as the next sex scene started.

"I'm glad you do." He felt lust starting to creep up from his balls through his body, thinking that maybe he could use porn to introduce some of the more wild things he wanted to do to her.

"They use a lot more hand in their blowjobs than I do." Rae noted and Finn shrugged. "I should try that."

"If you want." Finn encouraged, wanting her to get the idea that trying things from pornos was brilliant.

"So do you like the way I suck your dick, or should I change it?' Rae asked suddenly and Finn felt himself suddenly falling into an unseen trap.

"I love it." He said honestly.

"But you wanted to try it with more hand…?"

"Aye." Finn answered, "I wanna try lots o' things don't you?" He hoped that she would leave it at that; it was the truth, but her mind had a way of making things a lot bigger than they were.

"Bloody hell, look at those thighs of steel!" Rae said, their discussion forgotten as she watched the woman squatting up and down on top of the man. "I don't think I could do that…" Rae's eyes couldn't leave the screen, the way cock looked sliding into pussy did something to her. It was so sexy, she wanted it right now. "Do pornos always have the men cum in the woman's mouth?"

"Not always, but a lot o' the time."

"D'you wanna cum in my mouth all of the time…? Oh my god they're cum sharing…" Finn didn't answer her question. It was deeply satisfying coming inside of her, but he did so enjoy seeing her swallow. Both were good for him. "Do pornos have every girl just worshipping cum?"

"Pretty much." Finn smiled at her, "It can be a bit of a letdown in real life when you realise that the vast majority of girls tend to think of your cum as a messy, nasty side effect that they have to put up with."

"Oh skipped the story, straight to blow job in bath. Good job!" She laughed as the movie went straight from one sex scene to the next. He wondered how much of what he'd said had sunk into her mind; he wanted her to realise how amazing it was that she didn't hate his cum, that she swallowed it. "Holy crap fingering looks amazing." Rae marvelled as the man fingered the woman. Finn enjoyed how she jumped from one thing to next so excitedly.

"Aye."

"Oh and in the arse!" Rae pulled a face as the man fingered her arse now. But Finn noticed that she wasn't as grossed out this time and a thought began to tug at his mind; he really wished he hadn't thrown his porno movies out now. They watched the porno in silence, Finn constantly gauging Rae's reactions to the action, and when a second girl came in and they both started to suck the guys cock, he watched her head cock to the side.

"That's why guys want threesome's right? One girl on your cock, the other on your balls!" She laughed and Finn let out the breath he'd been holding.

"There's quite a few threesomes in this porno." Finn said in agreement but also as a warning to her to be ready for it.

"I wish he'd pull her hair much harder."

"Me too." Finn agreed, enjoying their similarities in taste. And they watched in silence, he noticed Rae squeezing her thighs together; she was still turned on. A lot of action passed in silence, Finn's nerves rising as he thought about what was to come in this movie, and Rae starting to actually think about her own techniques and really wanting to try some of the stuff she was seeing. The movie made her want Finn's cum all over her face, and she enjoyed feeling that way. Pornos were for dirty sex ideas, and she wanted to get all of them. The film passed on to another sex scene.

"What the hell is that moustache?" Rae suddenly laughed and Finn laughed loudly with her. "The guys in these movies are heinous!" Rae shook her head. But Finn felt his innards clench anxiously. This was the scene. Would she hate it? Probably. Or would she get ideas… Finn didn't even want to hope it.

"Another threesome with 2 girls." Rae shook her head, "Are there any with 2 lads?"

"Not in this movie." Finn answered tightly.

"No wonder you lads all want threesomes!" Finn watched the way her body tensed, the copious amounts of oral sex on the screen was turning her on and he hoped that would carry her through the next part. "I like the way she sucks cock." Rae mused.

"Nah she don't go deep enough." Finn answered. For him, Rae had ruined normal blow jobs, if it didn't push past the swallow point, it wasn't worth it. Watching these actresses go up to that point but not beyond was not good enough. It was a Rae blow job or nothing; and by that, he meant deep throat.

"You like it hitting the back of me throat." Rae asked gutturally.

"I like it sliding past the back of your throat." He answered and heard her groan. "You like it too then?"

"Yes." She admitted, "There's something… almost dirty about it." She agreed, "whether I'm giving your cock a nice gentle suck, or whether you're fucking my mouth… it's dirty when you go all the way in." Finn groaned lightly in response, his cock aching to fuck her throat. But he bit his bottom lip and nodded to look back at the screen, he wanted her to see the next bit. Rae looked up to see the guy licking one of the girl's arseholes and didn't respond, this time she had Finn's words in the back of her mind and wondered if she did want to experience that or not? Finn held his breath as the guy got his dick sucked by one woman and then turned to plant his cock in the other woman's arsehole. He saw Rae's jaw drop, but she didn't look away, she watched the guy fuck her arse fairly fast and deep with wide and Finn thought, curious eyes. Finn licked his lips and kept his face towards the tv as they watched in silence; Rae utterly transfixed by how easy it had seemed to get a cock up an arse, and by how loudly everyone was groaning, how much she seemed to like it and how the other woman rubbed her clitoris while he thrust into her arse. Even though she was watching the scene closely, not sure what to make of it, she could feel the tension in Finn's body and she looked at him from the corner of her eye. She saw him lick his lips slowly and then bite his bottom lip.

"You still want to do it don't you?" She watched him closely for his response.

"No, it's fine." He said in a tight voice, but his eyes didn't leave the screen. Rae's brows furrowed and then she heard the ridiculous slow motion sounds of orgasm and turned back to the screen. She saw Finn turned to look at her as she watched the cum-shot in silence. "Those slow motion sounds are pretty stupid." He grinned

"It sounds like there's a chimpanzee involved!" Rae agreed and they started to laugh. They were still laughing when the next sex scene started. "Oh look another threesome!" Rae shook her head.

"It's total male fantasy fulfilment." Finn apologised, "All the girls are up for it all the time, and are bisexual and love cum and orgasm really easily. And no one's ever jealous and every girl loves to get fucked however the cock wants it." He gave a grim smile, "It's not meant to be real."

"Yeah but no wonder you want a threesome… and anal… porno makes it looks so good and easy." Finn pursed his lips slightly and looked at the screen momentarily. Rae's eyes followed, and once again a man was thrusting into a woman's anus. She was rubbing her clitoris and groaning in a sexy gasping way. Rae looked back at Finn and the desire in his eyes was unmistakeable. But he turned to her and shook his head.

"I don't want a threesome Rae. I really don't." He ran his fingers up her bare thigh, "I'm pretty selfish and jealous and possessive… you're just for me. No one else gets you." He smiled guiltily, "Sorry." And then shrugged. He looked back at the anal sex happening on the screen and sighed, halfway between wistful and sagely, "And yeah, I would like to fuck your arse. I won't hide that. I think most men wanna try anal." He bit the inside of his mouth momentarily, "it's like…" He blushed and Rae could tell he hated saying this, "It's like you got three holes and I wanna be in all three of them." He shook his head, "I hate that I think like that sometimes. So crude." He lowered his eyes. "And yeah, I don't know a guy who don't wanna try it. But I also don't know a guy who expects that it'll actually ever happen. Stuff like that happens in pornos not real life." He shrugged. "I don't expect it Rae, it really is fine." Rae looked away considering that and watched the movie for a bit.

"I can't get over how it looks going in. Any of the… holes." Rae said using his terminology and Finn almost flinched to hear her using lad words like that. "Do you think any of the girls actually cum?"

"Nope." He kept his eyes on the screen, thinking that this had ended up going very badly in the end. Rae was really not ok with how much anal there was in pornos, and that was fine, but he had hoped to pique her curiosity, and he was ashamed of that hope now. If she wasn't into it then that was that. He shouldn't be trying to persuade her.

"Everyone moans like anal is the best." Rae said softly, almost defensively and ashamed that she didn't want to do anal. Finn felt bad about wanting it when he heard her tone. He didn't reply, his insides felt clenched up and he just didn't know what to say anymore. There was a close up of the anal and Rae felt her innards churn strangely.

"Looks interesting." She tried.

"S'pose." He answered in a monotone.

"Her butt-hole looks bigger after it's been fucked." Rae said aghast, imaging how horribly impractical it would be to have a butt hole that didn't close properly.

"Yeah but so does your vagina after I've had at it Rae, it shrinks back down after a bit." Rae thought about that, and knew it was true.

"You're not expecting it, but you really want it. Don't you?" She insisted.

"I took it off the table." He said decisively. The sex scene had finished while they were talking and another had stared, another threesome with two women.

"Seriously, they make sex with one woman look boring." Rae shook her head.

"This is why I didn't wanna watch porn with you."

"Cos I ruin it for you. The male fantasy?"

"No cos it upsets you."

"No it doesn't." Rae shrugged, "I just think that the male fantasy of women is bloody stupid sometimes." Finn grinned in response.

"A lot o' the time." He agreed and she leaned over and kissed him, quite passionately.

"But if you can forget how stupid porn is, and how messed up the male fantasy is, watching people fuck is really hot." Finn bit his bottom lip feeling quite pleased as she melted into his arms and they watched the final sex scene in silence.

"I think Penelope's supposed to be losing her vaginal virginity in this bit." Finn's voice was filled with bemusement and Rae chuckled.

"Another male fantasy."

"Being the first? Aye." Finn shook his head.

"Was it disappointing that you weren't my first?" She asked, afraid of the answer.

"No." She detected no lie or hesitation in his voice, but she still wished that he had been her first. Mostly she just wished it hadn't been Liam; dressed, ashamed and hating herself. Everything that she'd done sexually since then told her that that was no way to have sex. There were a lot of ways to have sex, and that was not one of them. Even after all that had happened since then, thinking about sex with Liam felt like a physical blow. She brought her mind back to where she was and focused on the feel of Finn's arms around her. She was safe with him.

The movie stopped and she sat up.

"Want a cuppa before we start the second video?" She asked.

"Are you sure you wanna watch it?" Finn was worrying again about which movie it might be.

"Positive." She grinned, "And then I think you'll be fucking me very hard Finlay."

"Oh right?" He asked, very interested in what she was saying.

"And I might even get you to cum in my mouth. That porno has left me with a real desire to taste you again. And to be honest you don't cum in me mouth very often… it's been what… eight times?"

"Seven." Finn corrected and Rae grinned.

"I must have said eight cos it were gonna happen tonight yeah?" She smiled and Finn made a small sighing sound of desire, his eyes on her mouth before clearing his throat and grinning.

"Well I don't wanna disappoint me girl." He touched her mouth with his fingertips. "If you want my cum, girl, you can have it."

"Male fantasy?" She laughed.

"Holy fuck yes." He breathed.

"Do you want me to beg for it?" The moan that greeted this question told Rae that he did indeed want her to beg for it.

"You don't have to." His voice was slightly higher pitched than normal and Rae straddled him slowly, his jeans feeling rough against her inner thighs. She put her mouth to his ear as his hands pulled her closer to him.

"We're gonna watch this second porno. And then you're gonna fuck me hard." Rae whispered in his ear and felt his fingers dig into her flesh slightly, and then she had a momentary flash of an idea of how to beg just right for him and continued, "and if I'm a very good girl." She felt his stomach clench as he took a hissing breath in, "And I've done everything you say, and I've earned it…" He let his breath out as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing, "can I please…" she emphasised the word seductively, "please drink your cum." Finn turned his face to hers slowly.

"If you're a very good girl." He said with the air of a man who still can't believe his luck, but he was gonna take it a run with it for as far as he could, before his luck ran out. "I'll let you taste it."

"Thank you." She whispered, her eyes not leaving his. Finn looked at her as if he had died and gone to heaven.

"You're actually thanking me for it…" He marvelled.

"Wait until I thank you with your cum in me mouth."

"Jesus fucking Christ Rae." Finn breathed, his body jumping internally with excitement and anticipation.

"Now do you want a brew?" Rae said as she got up.

"I'll make it." Finn said, "I kinda feel like I owe you something." He grinned, "Fulfilling male fantasies for me and all." He smiled shyly and headed to the kitchen, an obvious bulge in his jeans.

"So I get a cup o' tea for that?" She called after him with a cheeky grin.

"Got any female fantasies I can do for you?" He said, his hand on the door to the kitchen.

"I'm not sure that there are any typical female fantasies." Rae answered, "Other than being absolutely adored by your partner, who is just the right mix of rough and gentle in everything he does from sex to cleaning the house to the way he talks…" Finn smiled and looked away, feeling pleased with himself.

"And how am I doing with that?" He looked back at her.

"Not too shabby." Finn bit his bottom lip and went into the kitchen. Rae changed tapes and sat down on the lounge, excited for the next movie, interested to know what it was and wishing she managed to save more of them. When Finn returned with two teas, he was grinning, the bulge in his pants had subsided, but the spark in his eye was still ignited.

They sipped their teas, the understanding that watching pornographic films and having a nice cup of tea didn't go together for them.

"I'm excited for exams to be over." Rae said, "Summer holidays'll be nice."

"It'll be a year since I first met you." Finn said softly.

"Hey yeah." Finn loved the way her face lit up. "It's been such a strange year." Rae shook her head, "Some of the worst days and some of the absolute best days of me life."

"Aye." Finn agreed and sipped his tea thoughtfully, "I wouldn't change any of it."

"Really?" Rae asked incredulously.

"Look at where we are now." His fingertips reached up and touched the necklace around her neck and Rae knew what he meant; the commitment they had made to each other. "You never know if changing one of those bad moments, would change the outcome… would change what we are now." He scooted a little closer.

"Might end up better. Like where we are now but with no scars and trauma."

"Might end up worse. You could have died." Finn countered, "I'm not willing to take the chance." He stroked her face, "I love the way we are now. I love you. And you love me." He shook his head, "I wouldn't change anything I been through; it's all been worth it."

"You'd get stabbed again?" Her brows furrowed and he smiled gently.

"Rae, I'd get stabbed a million times over if it meant I'd get to be with you. You are so worth it." He kissed her gently, their tea cups clinking together. She laughed as her sugary, milky tea sloshed into his milk-less, 'one teaspoon of sugar only' cup of tea.

"I think I ruined your tea." They looked down at their tea cups, their foreheads touching.

"Didn't ruin it." He said softly, "It's changed a little that's all." He took a sip, "Still good." He gave her that small, closed-mouth, grin of his that meant he was really pleased with how things were right now. They stayed close, drinking tea and giving each other small but passionate kisses until their cups were emptied. Rae put their cups on the table and Finn picked up the remote control.

"Shall we?" He asked, almost forgetting his trepidation. There was only one video out of the ten he'd once had that she absolutely couldn't see, the others were all varying degrees of worrisome, but all had bits she'd really love. So he was less worried. He saw her nod and lean back on the lounge. He clicked play and Rae took the remote control off him, so she could fast forward if she wanted to. The first thing that happened on the screen was a little tic of light. And he knew. He knew that this was the one video he didn't want her to see. All he could think was why did it have to be this one? 'Anal Auditions'

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was gonna be a rough one to watch with her. It had been one of his favourites though. The sound was strange and hard to hear and the beginning images were broken up so that Rae could only just make out a guy talking at the camera, followed by introductions of three girls with previews of what was to come in their scenes; Rae couldn't make it out though.

"Quality stuff you got here!" Rae shook her head. Finn was just about to suggest that they turn it off because it was obviously no good, when the film settled down; like he knew it would. He'd missed his chance to bow out gracefully from this; she was going to see it. He kept his eyes on the screen, his stomach churning slightly as he thought about what was coming up in this movie. It was one of the rougher ones he had owned, but certainly not the roughest one he'd seen. The sound was out of sync with the movie and there was an annoying sound underneath it that made it hard to hear anything, but some words could be heard. He watched as Max; the guy in this porno, drove his car, looking to pick up a girl. Rae started to laugh.

"Did she just say my mum told me not to talk to strangers?" Rae chuckled and Finn could only scoff; his humour had left him. He sucked his bottom lip and tried to think of ways to get out of watching the movie. Rae watched Max taking photographs of the girl.

"We should do that again."

"Aye." Finn said strongly, he had gone through those pictures; he'd taken about 65 of the 100 they had. That fact was strangely satisfying to him and he was keen to repeat that experience. The movie moved on and Rae watched Max pull the girl's nipples pretty rough and squeeze them hard, making Rae smile smuttily.

"He's rougher than the last movie." She said and Finn nodded slowly, keeping his face forward, wishing he could enjoy it. Max started to finger the girl, and use a dildo on her.

"Look at the lumps on that dildo!" Rae said with awe, "Imagine that going in your clacker." She shook her head slowly. Finn couldn't help but smile. On the screen he was fingering the girl and Rae was once again struck by how good it looked.

"What does it feel like to finger a girl?" Finn was silent for a moment, not sure how to respond.

"Nice." He said eventually, "warm and wet." He thought about his two fingers inside of Rae's pussy, "the best bit is that it always feels like there's no way your cock's gonna fit in there." While he was talking, Max had gotten three and then four fingers into the girl's cunt. Rae's mouth opened slowly as she watched, wide-eyed. Max thrust his four fingers in and out of the girl rapidly and Rae turned her eyes to Finn.

"Do you wanna do that to me?"

"Not sure I could Rae." He answered; he honestly didn't think four fingers would fit in her. He thought about it though; he knew that logically her vagina could accommodate child birth, but she always felt tight and slippery, not so tight that it would hurt her, but too tight for anything wider than his cock. But then it felt that way when he had his fingers in her, and they were nowhere near as wide as his cock. He supposed that her vagina clung tightly to whatever was in it and could probably do four fingers if he got her wet enough before trying. He was about to say that when Rae moaned longingly. He focused back on the screen to see Max pulling the girl's hair hard as he slammed his four fingers into her cunt.

"That's so hot." She said breathlessly and Finn noticed her fidgeting slightly, her thighs pressed together. He liked seeing her turned on like this.

Now Max was taking the girl's hair and her chin in his hands and telling her this is how boys liked it as he thrust into her mouth. Finn heard her moan again.

"Wow." She breathed, "Oh wow." Max was fucking the girls face. Finn had fucked Rae's face harder, but seeing it being done was so exciting that Rae's entire body was pulsing with desire. "I think I have to masturbate." She whispered like it was a confession and Finn turned his face to her slowly in disbelief.

"What's hot about it?" He asked her, she didn't turn to look at him. But watched as Max fucked the girl's face. Rae's mouth open, her breath short with desire.

"The way he takes control of her. The way he uses her for his pleasure. He pulls her hair to get her to do what he wants." Rae watched the drool and slobber fall from the girls' mouth onto her breasts. "I imagine you doing it to me." She breathed with deep desire. Her cunt throbbed as the face fucking got harder and deeper. "This porno is so fucking good Finn." She couldn't take her eyes from it, "it appeals to my darker side." She grinned, remembering what he had said to her previously. "Oh god, I love the way he grabs her head and just shoves her down to suck his balls." She whispered and Finn felt an ache in his own balls, his cock starting to throb.

"You want me to do that to you? Push and pull your head around and use you so much?"

"Oh fuck yes." Her voice was thick with desire.

"Cos I've fucked your face harder than that… but… I don't take control so much. So you want that?"

"Yes." She whispered.

"So what you're essentially saying is that you like a man in charge?"

"Only sometimes Finn, don't get any ideas!" They shared a laugh, but a thought had entered Finn's mind again. Maybe she could get through this porno ok too? Maybe she'd even cum masturbating to some of the oral sex?

"Masturbate." He ordered and Rae put a foot up on the table, the other leg she put over his knee, spreading her legs, she started to rub her clitoris, her eyes on the screen. Finn smiled triumphantly at the idea of Rae masturbating to this movie. To this movie in particular. She groaned deeply.

"I really love face fucking." She said and Finn felt his cock ache when she said that.

"I love that you love face fucking." He looked back at the screen and knew that any minute now, it was about to happen. Rae was moaning louder and then Max was manoeuvring the girl, getting ready to penetrate her, Rae felt her cunt aching to be penetrated and was ready to see it happen on the screen again. But he went to her arse and penetrated that hole. Rae gasped and stopped still. Her cunt begging to be stimulated, her body aching with desire, she watched as Max fucked the girl's arse roughly. Finn watched her closely, it was obvious she didn't know how to take it. He so wanted her to keep masturbating, but she didn't, she just watched. She watched the girl assume the head down, arse up position she'd been in when spanked and felt a strange understanding wash over her.

"There's a lot of power play in anal sex isn't there?" She asked.

"Aye, I think so." Rae watched Max pulling the girl's hair roughly and felt her cunt starting to ache almost painfully with desire. And then Max was coming on her face; Rae licking her lips in anticipation for having Finn's cum in her mouth soon. Once he'd finished coming he fucked the girl's face again. Rae turned to look at Finn. She watched his eyes move over the screen, understanding that anal was perhaps just as much about ownership and control and power as it was about sexual pleasure. She looked back at the screen, the sound had completely failed now and he was talking to the screen again, setting up for the next scene.

"You gonna masturbate?"

"Is it another anal scene?" She asked gingerly.

"You're turned on aren't you?" He deflected the question.

"S'pose." Rae answered defensively.

"So masturbate." He prodded, "Slowly." He put his hand over hers and felt her fingers starting to move again, "Don't cum." He ordered and she felt orgasm instantly come much closer to her. She watched Max starting to face fuck another girl and groaned lustily.

"Tell me what you like." Finn urged her in an authoritative voice.

"I like how he keeps going even though she looks like she's struggling with his cock." She watched Max pushing past the woman's gag reflex to fuck her deeply in her throat.

"Do you want me to do that to you?" Finn was surprised by how much that turned him on.

"Sometimes." She answered throatily.

"But how will I know if it's one of those times?"

"I dunno." She admitted. "But you're rougher than him sometimes Finn."

'Is that bad?" He liked that they were talking about this stuff, it gave him a better insight into what she really wanted from this rough sex they'd been dabbling in.

"No." He groaned in response to her answer, finding that he was growing more and more horny, "What do you like about it Finn?"

"I like that he makes a mess of them." Rae looked at the woman, she was a drooling mess and her hair was pulled everywhere. "And I like that he owns them in this moment." Rae groaned. "Don't cum." He ordered and she nodded, once again, his order to not cum made her closer to coming.

Max started to finger the woman on the screen and Finn's hand slid over Rae's thighs. He slid a single finger into her and noticed how her cunt instantly gripped his finger, practically miking it as he slid it in and out of her.

"Is he gonna fuck her arse again?" Finn loved the trepidation mixed in with her horniness.

"Are you turned on?" Finn returned and saw her nod her head slowly.

"Can you fit four fingers in me like he does her?" Rae gasped as Finn shoved his second finger in and thrust hard.

"I can try." He grinned lustily. He couldn't believe this was happening. He supposed that 'Penelope' beforehand had greased the wheels quite a bit, but he had never expected Rae to be masturbating over this flick. It was only the third time he'd seen her masturbate, and he was trying to finger her in a way he never imagined he would while she pleasured herself. He could feel his balls aching to pop a load: this was incredible. He slipped his third finger in with a satisfied groan and heard her gasp again, her eyes on the screen. He tried to get the fourth in, but couldn't.

"Nope. Only three." He said as he focused on giving her as much pleasure as he could. He watched her rubbing her clitoris, her eyes on the screen, her body moving with desire.

Max started to finger the woman's arse and Rae kept masturbating. Finn was ecstatic that she'd kept going.

"Don't cum." He ordered, knowing that this order excited her and made her more likely to cum. She whimpered, still clearly conflicted, when Max started to fuck the woman's arse. But she didn't stop masturbating, and she didn't look away.

"Oh my god." Rae whispered and Finn snapped his eyes to the screen to see what had elicited that response. Max was fucking her arse hard, and fingering her cunt, stretching out her vagina. Rae didn't know if she liked what she was seeing, only that her body ached with desire and she so desperately wanted to-

"Don't cum!" Finn ordered in a strong voice. He felt her vagina constrict slightly and then loosen; she was fighting against coming. And then Rae felt something shift inside of her as Max started to use a dildo in the woman's vagina as he kept pumping into her arse. Part of her wanted to know what that felt like, while simultaneously part of her was repulsed by the idea: would it hurt? Would poo get everywhere? It was just so dirty… and sexy. Rae felt surprised by that thought but watched, trying not to cum as Max once again shot his load in a woman's mouth. She slowed her fingers down as the next scene was set up.

"Do any of the girls swallow?" She asked.

"Some." Finn slowed down his fingering; following her lead.

"He never goes down." She said disappointed.

"No." Finn agreed with the same disappointed voice, "Max Hardcore is right on the fringe of pornography, he's always pushing boundaries and a lot o' people say he goes right past them, they say he's a misogynist and that's why he don't go down…" Finn thought about one Max Hardcore movie he'd seen where he was making the girls suffer a little bit, nothing too bad, but still worse than most pornos. "I can't imagine what he'll be doing in ten years' time… probably pissing in girl's eyes."

"Finn shut up I'm trying to watch and that's gross." Finn chuckled.

"Agreed." He answered.

"Can we fast forward?' She asked urgently. "I wanna get to the good stuff. I wanna cum." Finn fast forwarded and stopped right on the next girl fingering her own arse. Rae was so confused and repulsed and turned on, she started to speed up her fingers again as Max fingered her arse, fitting four fingers in.

"No fucking way!" Rae stopped masturbating, her dance along that line stopping. "Holy hell." She realised that the reason four fingers had stopped her was because she was thinking, almost subconsciously, of letting Finn try one finger. And four made it all too real, conscious and possibly painful.

"None of this stuff has to happen to you Rae." Finn answered her silent worries and pressed his fingers up into her G-spot, making her gasp with pleasure. "That's not what it means if you cum to it." He rubbed her insides perfectly until she felt her legs starting to quiver, she started to rub her clitoris again, "None of this means anal sex is back on the table.' He reassured her. Max started to fuck the woman's arse and Rae watched closely, Finn detected a hint of desire and longing in her eyes, and he groaned with desire at the thought of doing what was happening on the screen to her. And then she came, loudly, her cunt constricting violently around his fingers. Finn groaned triumphantly with her as her body shook with pleasure. As soon as she was done, he pulled her up and put her hands on the coffee table, bending her over so that he could enter her from behind. He pulled his cock out of his jeans, not even bothering to lower them and thrust into her roughly. She yelped with pleasure and they both looked up at the screen as Finn dug his fingers into her hips and fucked her hard, as ordered.

It was so dirty watching porn while getting fucked, and not just any porn, rough anal sex porn; Rae came almost straight away, surprised with herself. Finn brought his hand crashing down onto her arse as he fucked her and she gasped loudly.

"YES!" She yelled out and he spanked her again. He squeezed her arse cheeks hard and she groaned. He wanted to pay a lot of attention to Rae's beautiful arse while she watched another woman get arse-fucked. He had no intention of anally penetrating her in any way; he just wanted to remind her that she got a lot of pleasure out of her arse. He ran his fingers down her crack and she groaned urgently. He grinned, hoping that a seed had been planted in her mind. He let his fingers linger on her hole for a moment and then spanked her arse gain. She grunted with pleasure and swore at him to do it harder; he, of course, obliged. They watched, fucking aggressively, as Max came into her mouth, holding her head still by the hair his palm covering her forehead and eyes. It was so dirty. Rae wanted this, all of this dirty stuff. She felt his fingers on her arsehole again and felt ready to maybe try one finger. She doubted she'd ever get past that, but that was more than enough for her. She felt herself coming again, thinking about this, she was terrified and excited by the whole thing and really didn't know what she wanted. But he didn't push into her, he just let his fingers linger there.

"On your knees!" Finn was ordering her and she dropped in an instant, her mouth opened. He slid his cock into her throat, sliding beautifully past the swallow point, he groaned and started to fuck her face. It wasn't long before he was grabbing her hair and pushing her down to suck his balls, an appreciative groan escaped her as she realised he had gotten this from their previous conversation and the movie. He masturbated while she licked his balls, his eyes on her eyes. He yanked her head back up by the hair and she groaned happily, her mouth open and ready. He felt himself getting closer, his eyes on hers, amazed at how much she wanted this.

"Beg." He gasped, holding back.

"Please." She whispered, "Let me have your cum." She strained her mouth forward and he held her in check by the hair, she groaned again, "Please Finn." Hearing her beg pushed him over the edge and he came, watching ropes of cum spurt from his cock in her mouth and onto her face. She was the one moaning triumphantly now and she kept her mouth wide open so he could see the sizeable load he'd left in there.

"Thank you." She whispered and he groaned appreciatively, "Thank you." She repeated.

"Holy fuck." He breathed.

"Thank you for coming in my mouth." He watched the way the cum moved around her mouth as she said it, some nearly dribbling out but she stopped it from doing that as if her life depended on it. "Can I please swallow it?" He nodded, unable to even speak, and he loved the look in her eye as she swished his cum around her mouth and then swallowed. It still made him make a small disbelieving noise every time she did it. Rae started to scoop some cum from her face into her mouth and Finn used his cock and fingers to help her and she lapped at it eagerly, swallowing every drop.

He collapsed back onto the lounge and Rae sat beside him. Now that she had cum, and her desires had been so satisfied, the idea of any kind of anal penetration was again repugnant to her.

"It's not back on the table." She said firmly.

"I know, it's ok." Finn answered immediately. But Rae had to admit, that when she was really horny, the idea was less disgusting and more arousing and she really didn't know how she felt about that. "It never has to go back on the table." He got up and got the video out of the machine, "But it don't mean you can't rub one out to it, right?" Rae bit her bottom lip.

"I s'pose." She said tentatively. "As long as it doesn't give you any ideas."

"Not one." Finn said with a devilish grin that made Rae hit his shin as he walked back to her.

"Shall we keep these then?"

"Oh aye!" She answered, "Do you think you could get some more from Chop?"

"Alright girl?" Finn asked with a bemused tone.

"Shut up." Rae blushed. "I just thought we could maybe watch some more rough ones… and I could get some ideas." She looked at him earnestly, "You know so much more about this stuff than me. And… I wanna know more." She pouted her lips slightly, and looked down, the blush across her face was beautiful.

"Porn only really shows one way to have sex." He shrugged.

"Yeah but I wanna know that way real well." She gave him a pleading look.

"Rough ones?"

"As rough as they come." Rae said brazenly, but Finn could see her trepidation underneath her words.

"You know that stuff's no joke? It gets quite rough…"

"Good cos I'm not joking." Rae answered seriously.

"Oh you really want schooling huh?" He couldn't believe his luck; he'd hoped to be able to use porn to introduce ideas to her, and now she was the one asking for that.

"Aye." She teased. "And between you and the pornos, I think I'll get a good education. What d'you think?"

"But you're already an A grade student." He ran his fingers through her hair.

"I don't wanna be a student Finn. Time to graduate." Finn felt his insides tingle at the possibilities.

"I'm not fooling with you Rae." He tried one last time to make sure she wanted to really go down this path, "pornographic movies are very one-sided. They focus on male pleasure." He looked down at her naked body and sighed lustfully, "If we do go down that path, it'll only be teaching you how to please me."

"I wanna know how to do that."

"You do that already." He answered honestly, "but this is different. Some o' the stuff I seen…" Finn felt himself being turned on in spite of himself and it surprised him, "It doesn't take into account her pleasure at all. And I need for there to be a lot o' pleasing you involved, or I can't get off, you understand?" He looked her in the eye, "I've said it afore, and I stand by it; the best thing about sex is your pleasure… seeing you cum…"

"I'm not suggesting that I don't cum again Finn!" Rae said with surprise that he had even thought that, "And I'm not suggesting I become a mindless, cock worshipping, porno girl either." She paused, "Well not all the time anyway." She saw desire in his eyes when she added that hint that maybe sometimes she could be that, "I'm just saying that sometimes… sometimes I don't want it to be about me. Sometimes I want it to be about you."

"Alright." He answered slowly, "But that's not necessarily rough porn…"

"And sometimes I want it to hurt, Finn." She answered anxiously, "I hope you don't think I'm weird. Cos it's not all the time that I want that. And I don't want you to think that-"

"Remember that thing you did with the wax?" Finn interjected. Rae nodded slowly, "I want you to do it again." He grinned, "I understand Rae."

"Then why are you warning me off it?"

"Cos porn is so dick orientated, some of it really doesn't give a fuck about the women, and I don't want us to get like that."

"Then see that we don't." She ordered in an imperious tone and he nodded, understanding that they'd have to work to maintain balance and when he thought about it, they already were doing that. He watched her fidget slightly. "But sometimes Finn…" She swallowed and looked down. He watched her build her confidence and she looked up at him defiantly, "sometimes I want you to just take complete control of me, have all the power and just… just fuck me like you don't give a fuck about me. Like I'm an object to use to get you off. Like the only thing that matters is that you cum." She looked down again, all her bravado gone. "Am I sick?"

"Sometimes I want you to do that to me." He confessed and she looked up with a hopeful and very heated look in her eye, "am I sick Rae?" He asked pointedly. She shook her head and continued with her part of the fantasy.

"I think it's so sexy, the idea that my body could get you off with no need for me to try and be sexy or do anything – just you using my body is enough." She said and Finn nodded.

"And it's like you'd be using me to help you masturbate." Finn said with a lusty grin, "I want that so bad."

"So there's no movies where the girl's doing that then?"

"Not that I've seen." Finn said, "But I can try and find some." He bit his lip. "There's plenty where the guys do that to the girls though… and in some movies they do stuff so the girls won't cum… it's part o' the fun for 'em."

"Well…" Rae said slowly, "I guess we can play that game sometimes… you can make it up to me at other times." Finn decided not to tell her that the way they did that was by doing no vaginal or clitoral stimulation at all, and just nodded his head in agreement, knowing that something like that would drive her crazy. He thought that maybe he'd like to do that to her for a day; watch her go wild with desire and aching. And then go down on her at the end of it. He didn't know it but Rae was having similar thoughts. He cleared his throat and thought about other problems with getting all the rough pornos to watch and learn from.

"Sometimes they get off on hurting the girl." He said softly.

"Like Tom gets off on inflicting pain?" Rae asked and Finn raised his eyebrows, he'd forgotten that he knew a real life sadist.

"Yeah but I don't think I could be like Tom." Finn shook his head, "That guy is serious about that stuff."

"So we'll be like…" She thought for the right words, "Tom junior?"

"So you want me to hurt you?" He lowered his eyes, "more than I already have, I mean?"

"Why do you think I keep telling you to go harder Finn? And asking you to leave your mark on me?" Finn's brows furrowed.

"I guess I hadn't let myself think about it."

"Do you not wanna do it?' Rae asked, fear gripping at her stomach. Had she gone too far?

"It's not that." He lowered his head, clearly having trouble reconciling two conflicting thoughts. "You're the love of me life Rae. I feel like I should protect you and nurture you and wrap you up in my arms tenderly and make love to you… the thought of deliberately hurting you and getting off on it is the opposite of all o' that."

"So you don't wanna do it?"

"Oh god Rae but I do." He said in a hurried urgent voice. "god help me but I wanna hear you scream in pain, and then in pleasure. And I worry that…"

"That you're sick?" He nodded in reply. "Me too. Cos I want you to do it to me. I want you to have the power and just do whatever you want to me… no questions asked." Finn felt like ants were crawling through his guts; he so wanted that. "But I wanna do it to you too. I don't want it to be one sided. I wanna share power Finn."

"Me too." He grinned. "I want you to tie me down and make me do stuff."

"Like what stuff?" Rae asked excited.

"I don't even know!" Finn laughed. "I just want it."

"I want pornos with all of this in it." Rae ordered and Finn was too excited to think about how he was gonna ask Chop for this stuff.

"Alright." He answered with a grin. "I'll see what I can get." She broke out into a grin and threw her arms around his neck as if he'd agreed to buy her a pony or something sweet and innocent.

"Thank you!"

"I can't believe you girl!" He said as he rubbed his hands down her spine; it was like she was made to fulfil his fantasies. She grinned and kissed him deeply. When she stopped kissing him, he pulled a face.

"It doesn't taste like shit!" She said before he had the chance to say anything. He hated the way his cum tasted, but it never stopped him from kissing her.

"I'll get you some water." He stood up and dropped his jeans finally before sauntering into the kitchen. Rae leaned back on the lounge, quite pleased with how her gamble had paid off.

_'Hourly Daily' by You Am I_

She packed the suitcase carefully, going through every drawer slowly. This room had been her home for weeks and weeks. But now she was well enough to leave.

_Dad were so mad that I decided to move in with Chop permanently. Mum were more understanding but she did plead with me a little. Told me it was too much too soon and I was too young._

_Funny how nearly dying alters your perception of too much or too soon, and definitely of too young. _

_The five year survival rate for my type o' Leukaemia is only 40%_

_And nearly half of us that do survive will relapse. _

_And then there's the risk of secondary cancers. That the aggressive treatment they had to give me to treat the leukaemia will lead to another cancer forming…_

_Yes. It was quite easy to tell me mum bollocks. Bollocks to too fast and too young. What else do I have but today?_

_Me oncologist keeps telling me that cos I were under 20 when I got it and I responded well to treatment, my prognosis is quite good. _

_Ha! In five years' time, if I'm still alive, I'll believe her then. Until that day, I am gonna remind myself every day that I might not have that many left. _

Izzy ran her hands through the short growth of hair she had. It had been quite exciting to see it growing back, although it was darker and wirier than previously. Apparently it'd go back to normal over time.

Chop came in and watched her for a while as she looked around the room. He leaned against the wall and shoved his hands into his pockets. He knew better than to try and help her. She'd been feeling weak and needy for months. Now that she was stronger and able to move around freely, she had no intention of giving up that little bit of independence.

She put Rae's dress on a coat hanger and hung it on the curtain rail that went around her bed; she'd been working on the lace hemlines, hand sewing for hours. She had also sewn up a simple dress for herself for the summer ball with a bateau neckline a slim silver belt and a slit up the left leg that went almost right up to the hip. No details, nothing fancy, just beautiful material in a stunning navy blue. Chop had had to choose the material. He'd gone alone to a fabric store and wandered around uselessly for an hour before he saw it. He'd bought three times the amount she needed. The material had designed the dress for her, it was a magnificent silk fabric that she instantly loved. The dress was almost straight, simply pulled in by the belt; the drape at the waist just perfect. It looked spectacular on her, and she knew it. It had taken her just 20 minutes to sew; Chop had smuggled in her sewing machine in the middle of the night. He'd just gotten back from putting it back in the car. She was leaving today. She could have sewn the dress at home. But she had wanted to do it right at that moment she got the idea for the dress. So Chop had made it happen. Izzy looked at her dress and folded it into her bag carefully.

He watched the way his t-shirt drowned her and tried not to let the fear sink back into his gut. He'd heard the doctors talking, saying she needed to start gaining weight. But she was still struggling to keep food down. He watched her slide some jeans on and she turned and saw him. She gave him a reassuring smile before looking around the room again, nodding that she was done. He picked up her bag, draped Rae's dress over his arm, and then held out a hand to her. Izzy took a deep breath, and grinning widely she took his hand.

They walked out of the hospital together. There was no one else there. Izzy had deliberately not told anyone else when she was leaving. She didn't want a big party. She wanted to go home and make love to Chop. Beautiful, strangely calm, and completely supportive Chop. Apart from the first few days, when he was lost and didn't know how to cope, he had been there every single minute of every day. He had lost weight and lost sleep and lost money from not working. He looked exhausted, but also like he had as much left in the tank as she needed.

The minute she walked in the door at Chop's place she took off her clothes, leaving a trail of them to the bedroom. Chop grinned and put her bag down and draped Rae's over the kitchen side before following her. She undressed him slowly kissing him tenderly. Sighing she ran her fingers down his chest.

"I've missed this." She whispered to him.

"Me too." He could barely speak, the raw emotion of finally getting her out of that hospital after what seemed like endless nights of praying by her bed while she lay in a coma, and the weeks of chemo that followed that, filled his throat. He stroked her short hair and smiled lovingly at her. The last time they'd made love was at the coast with the gang laughing at the noise Izzy was making while she finally lost her o-plates. That had been months ago. Chop almost felt like he'd forgotten how to do this thing. But her slow, insistent hands and her deep need reminded him. His hands gently caressed her fragile body and she shivered in delight.

"Welcome home Isabella." He lifted her into his arms and carefully laid her down in their bed.

He took his time kissing her whole body, but he didn't tease her or make her wait, this was not the time for that, this was a moment of blessed union after months of pain and grief. When Chop kissed Izzy's vagina she relaxed into the bed, closed her eyes and let her body simply enjoy every sensation as he made love to her with his mouth. Chop didn't try to find the sweet spots, this wasn't about making her cum as often as possible, this was about them being together in this way again finally. He licked her slowly and passionately, knowing she would cum eventually, but not focusing on that. his mind was taken up entirely by the taste and scent of her, by how incredible it was to be doing this again when he thought he'd never be making love to her again… when he honestly thought she was going to die. His body was filled with the understanding of what a privilege it was to be able to lie with the woman you love. His heart swelled with the honour of her letting him touch her. He heard her deep groan growing as her fingers found his hair. A sense of pride filled him when she shook with orgasm. He knew that this lovemaking wasn't about that, it was about enjoying that they actually could make love again… but he still felt the pride, especially when he looked up and saw colour on her usually pale cheeks; she had been pale all the time since the pneumonia. Now she was flushed with colour and it elated him.

Being inside of her again literally bought tears to his eyes. And the way she looked at him told him that this was as much a spiritual experience for her as it was for him. It was the first time during sex that Chop found himself barely needing to move to find intense pleasure. Just being inside of her again was the most exquisite sensation he had ever experienced. The way her breath felt on his face, the way her eyes stayed looking deep into his the whole time, her arms holding him closely.

"I love you Izzy." He whispered to her, "I am so hopelessly yours."

"I love you." She breathed and leaned up to kiss his lips.

They were kissing, slowly, deeply when Chop came with nothing more than a quickened sigh; the sensation of his orgasm too intense to vocalise, the sounds of Izzy's soft moans too important for him to drown out with his own sound.

They lay entwined for some time, stroking each other and looking into each other's eyes in between tender kisses.

After a while Chop worried about her and got her some water and food.

"You take such good care o' me." She told him with a huge grin before drinking, and even managing to eat a little.

"I got a little something for you." Chop reached into the top drawer beside the bed. Izzy grinned, knowing that the top drawer beside the bed was where Chop kept all of his important things. He pulled out some papers and handed them to her. "It's kinda boring stuff. But important stuff." He said softly. "I had to get a fucking lawyer to sort it all out!" He shook his head and watched her closely as her eyes scanned the first document. It was an excerpt from the land registry stating that the premises they were in was owned by Arnold Peters and Isabella Reid. She looked up at him, stunned.

"Chop?" She asked in a bewildered tone.

"I got me lawyer to put the flat into both our names." He gave her a small smile, "this place belongs to both of us baby girl." He saw her eyes light up and felt himself grinning. She reached over and kissed him, her arms around his neck. She clung to him, and he could feel that she was crying, so he explained the other papers rather than trying to get her to read them.

"The other stuff is my will. I leave everything to you. I've also got some legal next o' kin stuff that make you my guardian if I can't make me own choices for any reason and-" She was kissing him, the papers still clutched in her hand, her arms around his neck. She had seen the date on the land registry entry excerpt; it was the day before she'd accepted his engagement ring. He'd planned to give her everything he owned before he even knew if she'd have him.

_'Minute Waltz' by Frederic Chopin_

Finn looked down at his feet and tried to keep count.

"You're better than I thought you'd be." Archie said. Finn thought back to Kester, jumping up and teaching him to waltz when he'd been angry, in therapy.

"I've had a lesson." He said with a wry grin.

"Just the one?" Archie asked as he let Finn lead him.

"Aye." Finn bit his bottom lip and concentrated.

"Don't look at your feet." Archie reminded him and Finn looked up at Archie's face as they danced in Finn's room.

"Thanks for doing this." Finn mumbled and Archie shrugged.

"It's alright; I got plenty o' time."

"Why aren't you going?" Finn asked concerned and losing his concentration he stepped on Archie's foot. Archie made an annoyed sound and glared at him. "Sorry!" Finn looked back down at his feet wishing that he wasn't going. Last year Stacey had successfully campaigned to change the college's end of year summer ball usually held in May from a semi-formal, loose, fun kind of dance to a formal meal, followed by a formal dance, then followed by an informal dance now held on the last Friday night of the school year. Everyone was expected to know how to waltz, and he had to wear black tie. He wished he didn't have to go, he hadn't gone last year; he thought the whole formal idea was stupid. But this year Izzy had made Rae a dress for it, and even though Rae was inclined to agree with Finn's assessment of the whole idea, Izzy's dress coupled with Chloe and Izzy's excitement meant that Rae was going. Which meant that Finn was going.

"I'm not going cos I'm a fag, Finn." Archie said sadly.

"Alright well sign me up Archer, cos I am not looking forward to tonight." Archie laughed at him, "Why does being gay stop you from going?"

"You get to take Rae. Could I take Tom do you think?" Archie said bitterly.

"I can't see Principal Dixon or Elsa stopping you." Finn answered with wide eyed surprise. The possibility that Archie and Tom wouldn't be welcome hadn't even crossed his mind.

"I'm sure the 'concerned parents brigade' might have something to say about it." Archie said with a rueful smile.

"C'mon, you graduated now, you're never going back; it's not like they can expel you." Finn encouraged him but Archie gave him an unconvinced look, "You gotta go if the girls are making me go!" Finn pleaded. "And we both know Tom'd love it… whether he's welcome or no." Finn teased.

"I s'pose." Archie agreed with a small smile, "He does love to dance… and beat the shit out o' homophobes." His smile broadened.

"You gotta come Archer!" Finn pushed.

"Alright." Archie caved in and Finn clapped his back triumphantly. "Does mean I can't keep teaching you for much longer."

"S'alright." Finn grinned, "Rae doesn't know how to waltz either." He shrugged.

"You'll ruin Stacey's formal dance Finn." Archie warned with a serious face that quickly dissolved into chortles. "Although no one'll notice you two fucking it up when the two men get up to dance."

"Can I dance with you at this thing?" Finn asked seriously.

"Why?" Archie laughed.

"I dunno… cos it seems fucked up that you and Tom dancing should be such a big deal."

"Won't you have Rae all night?"

"I'm sure she can manage for one dance mate." Finn assured him, "plus she'll probably wanna have a dance with you too."

"Alright, we can partner swap as well!"

"Might as well get the rumours going." Finn said as if they were planning tactics in a war. Archie started to giggle.

"Reckon Chop'll have a whirl too? With both of us?"

"Well I can't dance with you and not him, now can I?" Finn answered.

"Well you will be the prettiest boy at the ball." Archie laughed.

"Right so I gotta dance with as many people as I can!" Finn laughed.

"Who's gonna be dancing with Rae while you're tarting it up?"

"Izzy and Chloe." Finn answered without a thought, "And you and Chop and Tom." He grinned. "And I s'pose me for most of it." He said happily.

"You grin like you still got a crush on her."

"I do." Finn answered honestly, "Always will."

"You managed to waltz for that whole time without stepping on my feet." Archie congratulated him, "You're as ready as you'll ever be." Archie took his hand out of Finn's and stepped back. "You'll probably look pretty suave in a tux too." Archie grinned.

"You gonna be right for a tux?" Finn asked him.

"Me aunt's wedding last year." Archie reminded him and Finn nodded; his parents had bought him a very nice tuxedo then. "You hired yours?"

"Yeah, why would I buy one of the fucking things? I'll never use it again." Finn shook his head.

"That's what I thought. And here we are…" Archie grabbed his things and headed for Finn's door. "I'll see you at the dance then."

"Come to Rae's for photos?" Finn asked and Archie rolled his eyes.

"Alright." He answered and left.

Finn turned to look in his mirror and felt a strange sensation in his stomach. He took a deep breath.

"Better get ready then."

_'All is Full of Love' by Bjork_

Now that Rae had to go out in public in the dress she was horrified by the prospect. It's not that the dress wasn't beautiful; it was. It was more that she couldn't wear underwear under it. At all. She looked in the mirror as Izzy knelt in front of her finishing the lace on the hemline.

"Holy fuck." She breathed, looking at her breasts.

"Your tits look so good in it." Chloe agreed; she was sitting in her underwear on Rae's bed, the girls having all agreed to get ready here. Everyone's parents were showing up with the boys soon. Even Linda and Karim had cleared the house for them today. Rae looked at Chloe, her face showing her concern and Chloe smiled reassuringly.

"I'm thinking hair up in a loose curly bun Chlo." Izzy said and Chloe nodded.

"Get her hair off her neck so we can see it." Chloe agreed. Rae looked back at her reflection. The green dress clung to her perfectly, managing to show up her body in a way that even Rae thought was pretty flattering. It fell to the floor beautifully, with an almost indiscernible hem of green lace topping the satin backed crepe. It was the top half of the dress that bothered her. It was short sleaved, and buttoned at the neck with a single button, and Rae didn't mind so much except for the three almost almond shaped keyholes. Two smaller ones along the collar bones, filled in with that gorgeous green lace. And one large one down in between her breasts, the top part of the hole seeming to grow out from where the button clasped at her throat. Izzy had sewn it carefully, to be the perfect width to ensure her breasts didn't pop out of this hole, but the fact remained you could see half of her tits. Their pert roundness popped into view in the keyhole. The keyhole extended down just past where her breasts stopped, meaning that the full roundness of them was clear. And then there was the back. Another almost almond shaped keyhole taking up a great deal of the upper back, filled in with lace. That was bad enough but there were three lower back almond keyholes too. The middle keyhole tip seemed to join with the upper back lacy keyhole tip and stopped just before her butt crack started. There was no lace over this hole, it was bare flesh. And the two other keyholes extended out over her hips, leaving bare flesh there too. Wherever there was a hem there was a beautiful thin layer of scalloped lace to make the edge not straight, giving the dress an ornate urgency that was antique in feel, even if the raciness of the keyholes took away all sense of the conservative dress code you'd expect from antiquity. It was a stunning dress. It was sensual and sexy, and beautiful and detailed. Rae's eyes fell to her breasts again. She hadn't noticed how much it showed when she'd tried it on before. Maybe it's because she'd worn a singlet and no bra for the fittings at Izzy's behest, now that she saw her bare flesh, it was quite terrifying to think of going out like this. It looked like something a starlet should wear on the red carpet; a more beautiful and thinner starlet.

Izzy finished the last bit of sewing and stood back.

"You look stunning Rae." Izzy grinned triumphantly.

"You must be real pleased with how it turned out." Chloe said, her eyes alight. "And you're so brave to wear it Rae." Chloe marvelled, "I wouldn't do it… but then I don't have them boobs!" Chloe looked at them with wide eyes. Rae's eyes looked back at her boobs in the mirror. She couldn't say anything; Izzy was beaming.

"The minute I saw what your bust measurement was Rae I had to do it. You need big knockers to pull off something like this." Izzy said wistfully. "I wish I could wear it." Chloe and Izzy stared longingly at Rae's chest and she looked back at them with disbelief.

"They're fucking annoying." She told them.

"But they look great." Chloe said, not taking her eyes off them.

"Alright, maybe we should do my hair." Rae tried to take the focus off her breasts for a few minutes so she could gather her thoughts. She sat down and Chloe came to her and started on her hair.

"I'll do your make up." Izzy said, "Make it classy." She told herself softly as she started. Twenty minutes later Rae was looking at herself in the mirror, a high, messy, loose, bun of sorts sat at the back of her head, loose curls falling from it. He eyes looked like rich chocolate and her lips plump pink, almost as if she wore no makeup. She looked even more like she belonged on a red carpet not at a summer ball.

_I am both over and under dressed for this._

_Finn's gonna be so embarrassed._

_Oh but it is a beautiful dress. _

Rae's eyes took herself in while Chloe put on her slinky red dress; it was entirely backless and clung to her provocatively: Chloe was back, no more figure hiding baggy clothes. Izzy was already wearing her navy blue dress, her short hair spiked stylishly and her makeup making a strong statement to contrast with the simplicity of her dress and hair. Chloe opted for smoky eyes and clear lip gloss and her hair loose in tumbling curls down her bare back. Chloe took Rae's hand in hers, and Izzy's in her other.

"You know girls… we are three hot bitches." She said as she looked in the mirror at their reflections.

"Well I didn't wanna be the one to say it." Rae joked.

"But we are." Izzy said unexpectedly; she was still coming to terms with her short hair, her thinned out frame and her pale ghostly skin. She still looked ill, but she definitely looked like she was improving. They grinned at each other and Rae tried to pretend that she wasn't terrified to be seen in public in Izzy's dress.

"I can hear my mum!" Rae laughed. "S'pose we better go down soon."

Gary straightened Finn's tie and Finn flattened it down feeling nervous. Chop fixed his cufflinks expertly and grinned at his mother. Linda brought in chairs from the kitchen while Karim made tea for everyone, Aiesha in a baby carrier on his chest. Bradley and Victoria were attempting conversation with Chop's mother, but Anne was more focused on her son than anything.

"I wonder who Chloe's taking?" Chop asked as he checked his bowtie. Finn kept flattening his tie; made by Izzy in the same green as Rae's dress. He didn't understand why this whole thing made him so nervous.

"Dunno." Finn answered, "But d'you reckon he'll come here?" Chop shrugged.

"Where's Janice?" Linda asked Gary when she finally got to sit down next to Chloe's parents.

"She moved away." Gary said softly his mood suddenly dropping.

"Oh that's sad. I quite liked her."

"Aye, us too." Finn responded as there was a knock on the door. Linda got up and opened the door, clearly not knowing the person on the doorstep. Finn and Chop knew this must be Chloe's date.

"I'm here for Chloe?" He sounded reassuring, soft even. But Finn would know that voice anywhere.

"Rhys you fucker!" He said and all eyes were on him, Chloe and Izzy's parents looked very unimpressed.

"Language!" Gary said but Finn was at the door helping Linda show Rhys in.

"I fucking knew it!" He grinned and then furrowed his brows. Rhys was clean shaven for the event, no nail polish either. But he wore a three quarter length jacket, unbuttoned and a beautiful waistcoat that looked quite sophisticated on him.

"Will you watch your language around Aiesha!" Linda snapped at Finn.

"Oh right! Sorry." He pulled a face and nodded for Rhys to come him. Chop clapped Rhys's back and the three young men stood talking easily, while the parents made stilted conversation.

"It seems ridiculous that we should have to make a grand entrance." Rae mumbled as they stood in the kitchen.

"Do I look alright?" Izzy asked them.

"You look so beautiful Izzy that I think I might turn lesbian." Rae turned to Chloe, "You too." Chloe rolled her eyes and tutted at Rae with a grin.

"Right now that we all know that…" She laughed, "Let's go." She walked into the lounge room first. Izzy shrugged with a grin and followed. Rae took a deep breath and then reminded herself not to take deep breaths; it made her breasts move way too much in this dress. Also on the 'don't do' list was leaning forward or to the side, reaching for things and twisting. She came into the lounge rooms last. She saw Chop looking at Izzy with complete love and beamed happily. Next she took in Rhys saying something in Chloe's ear.

"I knew it!" She said to herself but she heard Finn laugh in response, his eyes glued on her. When she looked at him, she saw that he wasn't embarrassed at all, she saw how beautiful she was in the reflection of his eyes. She tried not to bite her bottom lip and walked over to him.

"Do I scrub up alright?" She asked softly.

"Oh aye, I s'pose." He answered with a huge smile, his fingers instantly tangling in one of her curls, "You're stunning, you know that, Miss Earl?"

"Well I gotta do something to keep up with you." Her hand went to his chest fondly and they leaned in for a kiss. Linda's hand appeared between their mouths and Finn pulled back while Rae turned to look at her mum with furious disbelief.

"No kissing!" She ordered, "Photographs first." She reminded.

"Bloody hell Rae!" Chop laughed nodding to her chest.

"Hey." Finn warned in a joking voice and Chop turned to Izzy

"Nice dress Iz." He kissed Izzy's forehead and put an arm around her waist and she grinned proudly; she wanted everyone to respond with awe when they saw Rae tonight. Linda raised her eyebrows and sucked her teeth in silent disapproval, but she knew that Izzy had made the dress so she bit her tongue and wondered if she could get Rae to wear the pretty lace jacket Linda had bought herself last year to cover up her boobs. A knock on the door interrupted Linda's planning and Karim went to open it. It was Archie, Tom straightening his hair, and fussing over Archie, both in stylish tuxedos. Archie's mother hurried up behind with chocolate cake and grinned happily as she saw little Aiesha peering around silently in the baby carrier.

"Oh good, you're in time for the photos!" Linda said, "Come on Archie!" Archie and Tom came in, holding hands and the gang greeted them happily, Tom and Rhys hugging fondly.

"Are they going to be in the group photo?" Anne asked with obvious distaste as she watched Archie and Tom, and it seemed that Bradley and Anne finally had something they agreed about. Izzy shot her father a warning glare while Archie's mother looked completely taken aback at what Anne had said.

"Yes Mum!" Chop said firmly. "Archie's one of me best mates." Anne started to protest but Linda started to organise the photo loudly trying to get everyone to stand in the right places. Archie and Tom shared a glance; tonight was going to be full of these moments and Tom had been mentally preparing Archie the whole time they got dressed. Archie looked over at Chloe to see her glaring at her own parents, her mother was looking back with pleading eyes while her father glared at Rhys. For his part Rhys just grinned at Chloe's dad.

"It's not just us." Archie pointed out to Tom softly and Tom shook his head in dismay. They watched as Chloe took Rhys's hand resolutely, her father scowling and her mother lowering her eyes. It was at that moment that everyone started to become aware of the two battles in the room. Anne the strict Catholic not coping with a gay couple, and Chloe's parents not liking that she was dating a black man. But Linda rose to the challenge, organising the photos and ignoring the bigoted undercurrents in the room admirably; everyone would be in the photos regardless of the personal opinions of a few closed minded parents; she made that very clear.

"But it'll throw the boy, girl balance out." Anne tried to protest as Linda organised the gang.

"Don't talk rubbish!" She answered firmly and took the photo of the group. Next she took a few photos of each couple, including each couple having a quick, chaste kiss. Linda grinned at Anne's discomfort when she took a photo of Tom and Archie giving each other a chaste peck on the lips. When it came to Chloe's turn Chloe blushed and looked up at Rhys. She and Rhys hadn't kissed yet, and when the time came, he kissed her cheek gently. Rae grinned as she saw Chloe's face light up; Rhys was respectful of her boundaries, of how slow she needed to go. Rae liked Rhys a lot.

Rae and Finn's kiss had turned into a deep and passionate kiss and Linda had scowled at them, while Gary looked away and apologised to the other parents.

_How is it that I earned the right to call her me girl? _

_What did I do? I need to know so I can keep doing it. _

_She's so beautiful right now._

_Not just cos o' the obvious reasons…_

_But cos she were brave enough to wear Izzy's dress, even though I can feel her shaking with nerves and fear. _

_A year ago there's no way she would've done this. A year is so short a length of time. And on Monday, I'll have known her a year. Where'd it go? It feels like it were barely yester that I met her. _

Finn held her to him and looked into her eyes.

"I love you." He whispered softly to her before kissing her again, Linda tutting and Izzy fretting over the state of Rae's lipstick. Linda decided to take other photos and the parents had chocolate cake and tried not to notice them, the gang were too used to them by now and just chatted away easily all around the kissing couple.

_I understand why I was nervous now. It's cos I knew she'd be too beautiful for me. There isn't a person alive that compares to her, and every time I see her I'm reminded of that. _

_Rae in that dress, looking like an utter knock-out, even though she terrified of being seen in it, it does things to me. And I knew it would. I knew tonight were gonna be special like that._

_Every time I see her rise to any challenge… She's stunning when she like this. She's stunning all the time really, but there's something special about her in these moments of strength and bravery… oh fuck… I have to have her. Now. But I can't. _

_How did I manage to get her? Why does she let a slob like me call her me girl? _

Finn tried to stop kissing Rae, he tried to be the gentleman he knew he was supposed to be being.

"Jesus.' Rae whispered when Finn finally managed to stop, his breath coming in silent gasps of desire.

"Let me fix her lipstick so you can do a photo." Izzy said and Linda waited while Izzy sorted through her bag, carrying her own lipstick as well as Rae's; she knew Rae would never think to. After she'd fixed Rae's lipstick she turned to Finn and wiped his mouth.

"Behave!" She told him with a pleased grin and went back to Chop. The way Finn had responded to the dress was what really told Izzy she'd done a good job. There's was the only 'kissing' photo that had no kissing in it. They were looking into each other's eyes with love and desire that was almost palpable in the photograph; both knowing that even the smallest, peck on the lips would set them off again. Not only was Finn mentally turned on right now by her strength, but physically he was dancing on the edge of being too lustful to be seen in public. That dress fit her perfectly, and it was very obvious that she wore no underwear at all.

Linda continued to take photos in various groupings; now it was parents with couples. Archie turned to Rae to comment on how pissed off Chloe's father looked and saw her dress properly for the first time.

"Bloody hell Rae. Stop it; you'll turn me." He joked and Tom laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Great tits." He said and when Finn shot him a look he shrugged. "I can say that I'm gay." Finn furrowed his brows and shook his head.

"Finn you can't spend all night telling people not to look at 'em, it's impossible." Chloe laughed and took an obvious look. Rae blushed and mouthed the word 'sorry' at Finn but he shook his head and grinned.

"No I like you in that dress." He whispered, "Don't be sorry for how good you look." He straightened his tie again, "I don't look nearly as good as you… you must be embarrassed to be seen with me." He said, not realising the parallel he was drawing to her previous fears that it was embarrassing for him to be seen with her. Rae felt an odd surge of confidence and self-assuredness.

"I could never be." She shook her head, "You're so sexy it makes me knickers wet." She whispered to him.

"What knickers?" He mumbled back, his hand gently falling over her arse. Rae grinned deviously and Finn felt his cock starting to throb in response to her confidence.

_I want you._

He wrote the words across her rump and upper back thigh and Rae felt her pussy start to tingle.

"Tonight's gonna be a long night." She said softly to him as Bradley and Victoria stood beside Izzy and Chop for a photo, Linda directing them all loudly. There were many conversations and all the noise started Aiesha crying, so Karim hugged Rae, shook Finn's hand and headed upstairs with her. Once Linda was satisfied with the amount of photographs she'd taken and had promised to do copies for everyone, they all headed outside. Chop had organised to borrow his grandfather's limousine for the night and now everyone stood around it talking and hugging. The eight of them poured into the back, Rae intensely aware of the dangers of getting in and out of cars in this dress. Chop's grandfather had sent his driver and several bottles of expensive champagne with the limo. Chop popped one and started to pour glasses for everyone.

"Right fuckers." Chop said once he had finished, "let's have a fucking blinder tonight yeah?" The gang cheered, Tom and Rhys sharing a momentary glance before laughing merrily as everyone clinked glasses and drank it down speedily, ready to start on a second glass before the limo had even pulled out of Rae's street.

_'Debaser' by The Pixies_

The first thing Rae noticed when they pulled up was Elsa at the entrance to the hotel directing people to the hired hall. She was wearing a tightly fitted tuxedo with tails, impossibly high stilettos, her bowtie deliberately left undone and the top few buttons on her shirt unbuttoned, finished with immaculate hair and makeup with that bright red lipstick that Rae loved so much.

"I officially have a crush on Elsa." Rae mumbled and Finn looked out the window of the limo and simply accepted Rae's words; she did look good again. She always did. They all piled out of the limo, laughing and slightly tipsy from downing several glasses of champagne on the way there. Rhys and Tom still respectable and sober, but smiling fondly at the gang as Archie stumbled and they all laughed. Rhys looked over and saw Elsa, instantly he went to her and they shared a warm hug and some private words. Rae noticed the intimacy between them, it wasn't sexual, at least not anymore, but there was a closeness there that would always remain. They had gone through something together. They were still talking when Tom sauntered over and Elsa clearly recognised him too. And it was Finn who went next. Rae noticed that as they stood talking to the driver, organising when he'd pick them up. She followed him and he slipped his arm around her waist as they chatted with Elsa, mostly about the boxing joint; Finn was surprised Elsa knew the place because he'd never seen her there.

"It's good to see you back Izzy." Elsa said as Izzy, Chop, Archie and Chloe approached them. Elsa watched as Rhys took Chloe's hand without comment. A group of other students came up and Elsa directed them to the hall with a warm smile. Archie noticed a couple of the girls staring at Tom and pointed it out to him. Tom grinned and put his arm around Archie's shoulders.

"Can't give them false hope." He smiled that stunning smile of his at Archie and Archie felt himself almost melting into a puddle of desire at his feet.

"It's not fair how attractive you are." Archie mumbled.

"Have you seen yourself?" Tom asked and kissed him gently. She didn't know why, but Rae felt herself watching Elsa for any signs of trouble. There'd already been a miniature drama with Anne this evening, and Rae felt strangely protective of Archie and Tom's relationship. But Elsa made no sign of being concerned about Tom and Archie kissing.

"You look spectacular." Elsa said softly to Rae as they all started to leave to go into the hall. That was it, she was already talking to the next group arriving, but Rae felt elated. Her mother had said nothing other than urging her to put on that hideous lace thing she owned, and it had knocked Rae's confidence a little. Gary had given her a warm hug and told her she looked wonderful and had teared up a little while Finn shook his head, embarrassed by his father's sentimentality. Having Elsa, someone she so admired tell her that she looked okay when she felt so self-conscious was very meaningful, especially since Elsa wasn't known for giving out compliments. They walked into the hall laughing and joking.

"Hey Phillip!" Chloe called out and Finn rolled his eyes. Phillip turned to them and looked momentarily stunned. Finn watched as Phillip took Rae in as she was looking over to Izzy and Rhys as they chatted. Finn saw the desire in Phillip's eyes; Finn knew that ache, he'd experienced it himself.

"Hey Dillip." Finn popped the p and glared at Phil.

"It's Phillip." Said the girl with him but Phillip turned to her and shook his head.

"It's fine." He said softly, "Flynn here is incapable of remembering the names of people that are wholly unimportant to him." Finn grinned in response; the game was on. It didn't matter that Phil had a date, everyone who saw the way he looked at Rae knew where his heart truly laid. And it wasn't just Finn who'd seen it. Chop had too, and he was glaring at Phillip with almost as much distaste as Finn. Finn noticed Chop's glare and was glad to have Chop to back him tonight because Phil scrubbed up in a tuxedo far too well for Finn's liking. Phillip had Sue from the arts centre with him, she looked beautiful and Rae raised an eyebrow at him but Phillip shook his head shyly.

"Holy fuck Earl what are you trying to do to the male population of the world?" It was Mike. "It should be illegal to wear stuff like that!" He looked at her breasts blatantly and laughed, "I'm gonna miss you girl!" He hugged her unexpectedly and Rae gave Finn a look of surprise. "I may have already hit the booze!" He laughed and everyone around them started to laugh too as he held on to Rae. Archie put a calming hand on Finn's shoulder when he noticed Finn's body tense up. But Finn was getting that temper of his under control and took a deep breath. Phillip gently put a hand on Mike's shoulder and Mike turned to him. "Phil!" He hugged Phil and Rae gave Phil a thankful look that Finn noticed with a scowl. And Izzy just glowed with delight; everyone was noticing Rae in that dress, Finn was a mixture of pleased and insanely jealous and Rae just kept on looking beautiful.

"I did good." She told Chop and Chop nodded, but noticing Finn's face, he was glad Izzy wasn't wearing something similar; he would have flattened Mike, Finn had held it together well.

"Fucking Phillip." He mumbled as they were ushered to their table. "Fucking Mike." Rae smiled and shook her head at his grumpy mood. The dozen or so round tables were lined along one side of the room, leaving a dance floor on the other side of the large hall. But Rae was too busy looking at Finn's grumpy face to notice the beautiful decorations.

"I love you." She told him fondly and he smiled begrudgingly in response, the smile slowly becoming genuine as he saw his diamond around her neck, hanging above the breasts that every male in the place was staring at.

"I love you too Mrs Nelson." He answered, taking a seat and Rae sat down next to him, his hand instantly went to her thigh and began to write messages to her.

_You are so beautiful._

_I'm so lucky to have you._

_I love you so much._

She smiled and glanced at him after each message and watched as everyone settled into their seat; Archie sat next to Finn, Tom next to him. Chloe of course sat next to Rae with Rhys beside her, Chop next to Rhys and Izzy next to Chop. The table could seat 14 so there were 6 more people to come.

_Be with me forever?_

"Of course." She said under her breath to him.

"Just making sure." He grinned.

"Why?"

"Cos I can't believe me luck." She kissed him and Archie nudged Finn.

"Get off each other for two minutes!" He laughed as Chloe motioned for Phillip to sit with them. Phillip sat opposite Rae, Sue next to him, and Mike sat in between her and Izzy. Macca came and sat next to Phil, Kristi and Sam had come together and they took that last two seats. Rae was glad that they'd managed to get a pretty good mix of people; she noticed Stacey and a good looking guy that didn't go to their school being seated at the next table and shuddered. Poor Josh and Kurt ended up on that table, and she saw Kurt look back at them wistfully while Josh laughed awkwardly with Stacey as she flirted with him. Rae saw Stacey's eyes flit over to their table and linger on Finn before glancing at Rae, her jaw dropping. Amy, Vicki and Lois sat at the table with their dates and the girls instantly put their heads together.

"On no." Rae mumbled and Finn looked at her."

"What is it?"

"Well if some girls are gonna dress like sluts, it really does bring down the tone of the whole evening." Stacey said loudly.

"I couldn't agree more." Vicki turned her eyes to Rae, "they should stop girls from coming in if they look like common street whores." Finn and Izzy both opened their mouths to reply, but it was Mike, slightly drunk as he was, that was quickest off the mark.

"Oh go fuck yourselves!" He answered boozily, "You wish you had knockers like that!" He turned and looked at them, "cos every one of your lads has been staring at her tits since they got here." He looked at Stacey's date, "except for him." He looked him up and down, "he's gay." He turned back around to the table, "cos only a homo wouldn't be looking at them boobs!" He declared loudly.

"Us fags had a good look too." Tom pointed at himself and Archie and Mike blinked at them momentarily and turned back to the stunned group on Stacey's table.

"My mistake. Only blind people aren't looking at them badonkadonks."

"Greg isn't looking because he's my boyfriend and he's not into blue whales!" Stacey spat.

"That's your fucking cousin Stace! Hi Greg, long time no see me ol' pal." Finn called back and that was it. The two tables were at each other, Rae's table laughing and throwing insults, Stacey's table loud and angry. And Finn just sat back and watched what he had wrought. Rae crossed her arms across her chest but Finn shook his head at her.

"Don't you dare let Stacey bloody Stringfellow get to you." He said and kissed her passionately. By the time they'd stopped kissing Rhys, Sam and Josh had managed to calm everyone down.

"Is that really her cousin?" She asked Finn softly.

"How should I know? I've never fucking seen him before." Rae giggled and he grinned mischievously, "But the look on her face were good, aye?"

"Aye." She agreed. Mike was a funny and slightly offensive drunk, and he managed to keep them all entertained while they waited for dinner.

"I can't believe how funny hot Mike is when he's drunk." Chloe whispered to her and Rae chuckled as Mike suddenly looked at Finn.

"Wait…" He said meaningfully, "You're dating Rae?"

"Aye." Finn said as if Mike were a simpleton. "Everyone knows that." He raised an eyebrow at Mike, "you know that. Remember the art class?"

"Yeah I know…. that's not the point…" He raised a finger, "what I mean is… how did a grumpy sod like you get the funniest girl in school?" His question was met with laughter from everyone, even Finn had to laugh.

"I ask myself that everyday Mike." Finn was going to miss mike, he was a good laugh.

"So who are you?" He turned to Sue and she looked a bit surprised.

"I'm Sue." She answered with a grin.

"Phillip's girl. Right." He pointed to Macca.

"So I guess you're my date?"

"Must be." Macca laughed.

"You're the other homo pairing." Mike pointed at Tom and Archie; "You're the first homos!"

"I know that's how my mother likes to think of us." Tom replied and Archie scoffed; Tom's parents was virulently homophobic.

"Tits McGee." He pointed at Rae then looked at Chloe, "you got the coolest looking date here!" He looked at Rhys, "D'you reckon you could kill me with your bare fists?"

"Probably." Rhys answered with a straight face.

"I knew it." Mike sighed wistfully and Rae shook her head. He was strange, but he was still hot. "And we got our ginger ninja." He looked over at Izzy and stopped, "Holy fuck, Arnie!" He looked at Chop expectantly and Chop stared at him uncomprehendingly for a moment before he remembered him.

"Mickey! You fucking cunt!" They hugged over the table.

"How's your sister?" Mike asked with a fond grin.

"Don't you fucking talk about me sister you piece o' shit." Chop's good mood was instantly gone.

"What happened with which sister?" Izzy asked, being quite fond of Chop's sisters and then realisation hit her. "YOU'RE THE MIKE!" She said suddenly, "You-"

"Hey!" Chop stopped her from finishing the sentence. Rae's ears pricked up and she saw the body language between Chop and Mike. Something juicy had happened there.

"D'you reckon I can see her?"

"No I don't." Chop answered, "I only like you when you're not talking about my sister, right?"

"Alright… but you should know it weren't me." He said softly and Chop looked at him confused. A waiter brought them food and Mike's attention was quickly diverted elsewhere.

"What was that?" Rae asked Finn and Finn put his lips to her ear.

"Chop's little sister, Dawn, got pregnant last year." Rae's eyes opened wide as Finn continued, "She were 15 and she decided to keep it. I don't know what happened after that." He shrugged, "I figure that's what they're talking about but I can't be sure."

"Why would Chop be so nice to him?"

"They used to be best mates when they was younger, before I knew him. I guess that still counts for something."

"But you've known Chop for years."

"Four." Finn answered.

"They must've been real close for Chop to accept Mike knocking up his baby sister,"

"He's got a lot o' sisters Rae, and they're pretty strong willed about not taking the macho shit in that family." Finn answered.

"And you can't just blame one person for it, even if Mike is older." Rae acknowledged.

"He just said it weren't him." Finn narrowed his eyes.

"We should gossip more often." Rae grinned at Finn and he rolled his eyes with cheeky grin on his face to denote that he couldn't possibly agree it that, even though he did. Finn looked down at his plate and scrunched up his face.

"The fuck is this shit?"

"It's called fine dining Finlay!" Tom laughed and picked up his fork.

"The fuck is this pink stuff?"

"I think that's beetroot foam." Archie answered Finn; Tom had taken him on enough dates to expensive restaurants for him to be getting a feel for the food you find at them.

"Why the fuck would I want beetroot foam?" Finn looked incredulously at his plate and Rae put her finger in it to taste it.

"Oh but it's good!" She exclaimed and started to eat in earnest.

"Don't sound so surprised!" Tom laughed. Finn tried some of the beetroot foam, it was simultaneously sweet and earthy and left the hint of flavour on his tongue, but with nothing to chew it made him hungry for food.

"Huh." He realised how clever the food was at making you want it and took a bite of the pork.

"That's a pear jus." Archie explained and Finn tried the sauce that was swirled around the plate.

"It's really good." He marvelled and Tom shook his head.

"Your friends are heathens Archie."

"Oi!" Chloe corrected, "I know what a pear jus is!"

"Me too." Izzy said, "Had to make it in year 10 for home economics."

"I think it's just us that are the heathens." Rae said to Finn and he shrugged.

"Me too!" Chop laughed, "Give me a fucking meat pie any day." He scrunched his nose at the food but ate it without further complaint.

Rae's eyes strayed to Stacey. She was wearing a golden, halter neck dress in a satin material that clung to her perfectly. Her thin frame was perfectly highlighted to its best advantage and she knew it. She sat with her spine straight, her chin up, she looked so elegant. Rae realised she was slouching and looked down at herself. She suddenly sat up, realising that slouching revealed way too much of her breasts. She looked around to see far too many of the males at her table and at Stacey's either looking directly at her, or looking away having realised they'd been spotted. Chop had been staring at his food, Tom and Archie softly chatting together and Rhys was smiling at Chloe, hanging on her every word. But Macca and Sam had been caught out, and Finn had been looking, but he was allowed to. And Mike hadn't even bothered to look away when she saw him. But Phillip's eyes had been on her face when she turned to him. He smiled encouragingly at she returned the smile. He took a breath and looked down at his food. She looked up at Stacey's table and all the men who could look were looking, even Greg, who looked away with a panicked expression when she saw him.

"Just be glad you didn't get oysters!" Archie joked and Chop looked up at him with disgust.

"Have you ever looked at a fucking oyster?" He said, "The first person who ate them must have been real fucking hungry."

"They're disgusting." Izzy agreed and Tom rolled his eyes.

"Heathens the lot o' you." He laughed.

"But how hungry would you have to be really to look at one of those things and think; 'yeah I'm gonna eat this?' They look like a pile o' phlegm." Archie agreed with Chop.

"And you have to rip 'em off a fucking rock and pry 'em open and then you look down on what is basically a pile o' snot." Chop continued. "And then you eat it?" He shook his head, "and they taste foul."

"When have you had 'em?" Izzy asked him and ate a bit of her dinner.

"Joe's 60th birthday party." Chop answered. "It were all seafood."

"Oysters aren't seafood they're Poseidon's sinus infection." Archie said with a grimace.

"Fuck you're perfect." Tom breathed to him as everyone else laughed. Archie turned his eyes to him Tom.

"I love you too." He said happily before turning back to talk to Rae. Tom ran a hand of Archie's thigh and sighed contently. Tom's eyes strayed from Archie to a red-headed young man sitting down, late, at Stacey's table. Tom stood up instantly; instinct and rage having kicked in. Finn saw the movement and looked over at the table. He saw Simmy laughing and turned back to Tom. Finn stayed seated, knowing that Tom got to get the first hit in; he was Archie's partner. Finn could be patient and get the second one in. Archie, chatting with Rae intently hadn't seen Tom stand, but when he saw the expression on Rae's face; confusion, followed by growing realisation, he turned to see Tom gently put his napkin down and start to take his jacket off, his eyes never leaving Simmy. Chop caught sight of the situation and turned to see Simmy at the other table. He stood up and Izzy pulled on his arm.

"Tom gets first go Chop." Finn said and Chop turned to Finn and gave a slight nod, but didn't sit down. Chloe felt Rhys's whole body tense beside her and knew that he was right there with the other guys in the gang; if they needed back up, he'd offer it.

"No one gets a go cos we're not doing this here!" Rae said after seeing the look on Archie's face. "Not tonight!" She added and Archie gave her an appreciative glance; no one could lay the law down like Rae. Tom's eyes turned to Rae and then to Archie.

"Please, let's just leave it tonight." Archie said softly. Tom nodded slowly.

"He looks at you wrong, and I'll make him blind." Tom answered softly as he sat down.

"Fine." Archie answered, "But not tonight."

"Not tonight." Tom agreed and looked over at Chop, "Chop, get my back another night mate." Chop sucked his teeth moodily and nodded before sitting down. Finn had had a feeling that this is how it would go down. He squeezed Rae's thigh warmly and gave her a small smile.

"Saving the day as always." He said admiringly. Phillip watched them chat; the easy and unaffected way they exchanged words, the way he touched her so freely, the smiles they gave each other. They looked so good together; Phil had always known they looked good together. He was so handsome and she was so beautiful, of course they looked good together. But he'd always had the tumultuousness of their relationship to hold onto. But they seemed more passionate and stubborn than ill-suited to each other and falling apart, and the more time he spent around them the more he saw it. But even so, Rae still hadn't said no to him, and that still counted for something. He turned to listen to Sue talk, she was really nice, quite intelligent and very beautiful, and Phil wished his heart would feel something for her; that would be so much easier.

Dessert was a similarly fancy but entertaining affair, the conversation flowing easily, even though there was no alcohol just yet; that didn't come until the informal part of the dance. Finn wiped his hands on his pants knowing that the part he was really dreading was coming up.

Almost without warning classical music started and Stacy stood up, followed by everyone else on her table, they went to the dance floor. Ushers started to shoo the other students up to the dance floor for the waltz while the tables were cleared and the evening's drinks and DJ booth were set up. Finn placed his hand on Rae's waist, his fingers finding her bare flesh through the keyhole and she put a hand on shoulder, clasping the other one.

They danced, formally. Finn finding the experience strangely erotic; he was touching her, but she was so far away from him. He could drink her in, see her beautiful face, her wonderful breasts, her alluring neck as he lead her around the floor. Rae was simply glad she'd asked Chloe and Izzy about how to waltz. She counted steps in her head and desperately tried to not let Finn down; she so wanted them to look good together. After a while she loosened up and noticed Izzy and Chop giggling as Chop continuously messed up the steps. Rae nodded towards them, laughing and Finn turned to see, he chuckled and looked for the others. Tom and Archie were in perfect synchronicity; it was impossible to tell who was leading. Chloe and Rhys danced closer than most people, but still not touching, the desire rippling off both of them was impressive and Finn smiled happily; it solved a lot of his problems and he knew that Rhys was a good guy that would treat Chloe right. Finn laughed when he saw Mike and Macca dancing and laughing, a couple of girls coming over to cut in but they were refused, the lads having too much of a laugh. Finn laughed even more when he saw the disgusted look on Simmy's face and Stacey's sour look at their loud laughs.

"Who the fuck leads?" Mike yelled out to Tom and Archie as he and Macca tried to sort out their dancing problems. Stacey scowled as people started to laugh and joke.

"I don't think that 'who leads' is the problem with you two!" Tom replied and Rae started to laugh loudly as Macca and Mike waltzed out of line around Stacey and Greg. She saw Elsa watching with a smile on her face; as long as no outright bullying or bigotry or violence occurred, Elsa was the sort of teacher who let things slide. Macca and Mike travelled around the whole room, starting to sing wordlessly and loudly to the music together, hardly able to contain their laughter. It was fair to say that the formal part of the dance was no longer formal and everyone started to loosen up, but even better; Mike and Macca's antics had taken all focus off Tom and Archie, meaning that they got to waltz together, staring lovingly into each other's eyes, without comment.

Finn turned his grinning face back to Rae to see her watching his face. He was surprised, he never thought that she just watched him the way he watched her. He pulled her closer and marvelled at how willingly she moulded herself to him. He put both arms around her waist and they slowed down their steps as Finn leaned in for a kiss. They kissed, totally focused on how they felt moving slowly to the music as all around them couples were doing similar things and Mike and Macca fell about laughing, eventually agreeing to dance with the girls.

_'Spaceman' by Babylon Zoo_

Rae snaked her way through the crowd of students with Izzy and Chloe after their toilet break. She saw Finn talking to the DJ and left the girls to go up to him, but he had seen her and quickly finished his conversation with the DJ before coming to meet her in the middle of the dance floor. Rae felt a grin form on her lips as she shook her head, trying to look angrily at him as the familiar notes started to play. Finn had requested the song and she scowled at him, but it dissolved into giggles when he held his hand out to her and she took it as 'Spaceman' by Babylon Zoo really started to get going. They danced slowly in each other's arms while Mike started a bunch of people dancing in slow motion.

"Did I tell you how stunning you look tonight?" He asked her, his eyes not able to leave hers.

"Might have mentioned it." She said with an innocent look.

"And did I mention how proud I am of you."

"Proud?" She asked with a slightly bemused look that didn't hide that she was feeling emotional because of what he said.

"Proud." He repeated as he stroked her face with his fingertips. Phil looked over as Sue started to dance in slow motion with Mike, laughing loudly. He was grinning, enjoying himself, but the grin left his face as Finn's fingertips traced along her face, down her neck to between her breasts.

"I'm proud of you Mrs Nelson cos I know how unsure you are of wearing stuff like this. And you did it anyway for Izzy." Finn watched Rae lower her eyes.

"I don't look too bad do I?"

"You look incredible." Finn answered, "And I know you sometimes don't believe me, so I dare you to ask almost anyone here…" He nodded slowly as she looked up, "I think you'll find that pretty much only Stacey and those girls will say otherwise."

"Finn…" Rae said with a disbelieving voice that had an undercurrent of being pleased by his words.

"The DJ just fucking congratulated me on scoring so fine a girl." Finn chuckled. "I know how you think girl. I know you think that everyone wonders how you got me…" he said with a look that told her he thought that was a silly thought, "But tonight, everyone's wondering how I got you." Rae looked at Finn's smiling face and thought about what Mike had said; asking Finn how he'd gotten Rae. She looked around and saw quite a few male eyes on her, but none of them were giving her the negative look she was used to seeing. "Drink it in girl." Finn grinned, "Maybe you'll start seeing yourself how I do." Rae saw Josh looking at them, with a clear look of envy on his face at Finn as Finn's fingers traced along the swell of her breast gently before travelling down her body.

"I don't understand." She whispered.

"It took them shiny trinkets like beautiful dresses and great hair to make them see you for how beautiful you really are." Finn answered.

"You like me hair?" Rae asked happily.

"Aye." Finn answered his insides soaring; she didn't really care if they all desired her, she only cared that he did.

"Should I wear it up more often?"

"You should wear it however you like." He answered, "I'll like it no matter what."

"What if I shave it off?"

"Then I'll stroke your stubble lovingly." She laughed and kissed him passionately. Phillip looked away and turned his gaze to Sue laughing and dancing. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his lips roughly. Phillip returned the kiss with surprised intensity.

"You're brilliant Phil!" She said as they started to dance together again. Phillip just grinned in response, not knowing what to say. She dove into his arms and he looked over her shoulder at Rae; he hated himself for doing that.

"And have I told you Mr Earl how handsome you look tonight?" She asked as they pulled out of their kiss slowly, their foreheads touching.

"Might have." He breathed, "But I'm very vein. Might need to hear it again."

"Well you look good enough to be seen with me tonight." She teased and he chuckled.

"I'm glad."

"You do look truly sexy in a tuxedo." She ran her hands down his chest and when they got to his waist she slipped them over his hips to his arse and squeezed. He laughed as her fingers dug into his rump. The feeling of her touching his arse was strangely pleasurable and he thought he wouldn't mind her doing it quite a bit more.

"You been wanting to do this for a while haven't you?" He remembered the things she'd written in her diary.

"I really have." She answered with an ecstatic expression, "Your arse is so perfect."

"Well you can do it as much as you want." They kissed again, Rae's hands caressing his arse.

"This song is truly awful." Rae laughed and Finn pulled her closer as she threw her head back laughing. He loved how alive she looked when she laughed, the way her body felt in his arms, the way she made him feel.

"Aye," He agreed, "but there's a fire between us." He sang along and Rae groaned loudly. He couldn't stay serious as he sang and started laughing, "So where is your god?" He sang melodramatically and Rae kissed him.

"Learned that from you." She said through her kisses.

"Hm?" He asked, enjoying her lips too much to speak.

"Kissing you to shut you up." She answered him and he laughed loudly.

"I love everything about you Rae." He declared loudly as the emotions rushed through his body, "Fucking every little thing." He was kissing her again before she could reply. Phillip heard Finn's words, a lot of people had, he'd said them so loudly, but he refused to look over at them. He was going to pay Sue the attention she deserved.

_'Da Funk' by Daft Punk_

After Finn's truly awful song selection the DJ played some much better selections, the lights were dimmed except for a high spot shined onto an old school disco ball. Tiny specks of light shone out across the room and everyone moved to the music. Chop and Izzy brought everyone drinks and they were downed quickly.

"Bloody hell Chop!" Rae pulled a face.

"Triple shot!" He yelled over the music, "I'll get you another!" He and Izzy played waiter again and Rae's inside swam pleasantly.

"I gotta dance with Archie!" Finn told Rae and she nodded. Finn tapped Tom on the shoulder to imitate a polite cut in and Tom laughed.

"Well if you're taking my partner, I'm gonna tango yours around the room!" Tom laughed and pulled Rae into his arms with a strength she hadn't been expecting.

"Oh!" She laughed in surprise. Chop returned with the drinks and Rae downed hers again and pulled the face.

"Triple shot?" She asked and Chop nodded with a big grin.

"We haven't had a drink together since the fucking coast. And even then our lad Finn couldn't drink much cos o' his liver and Izzy was…" Chop scrunched his brows but shook his head to move himself on from that thought, "well she can drink more now! So we're all getting plastered. Even Tom and Rhys!" Tom looked at the drink Chop had given him and downed it in support.

"Alright!" Tom said trying not to pull the face, "fuck that's strong." He said. "Right my little lovebird." He turned to Rae, "Now we tango!" Rae laughed loudly as Tom lead her around the room in a long, exaggerated and sensual stride. Finn and Archie laughed and forgot to dance together, as they watched the way Tom easily moved Rae and dipped her deeply, her hand raising to her chest, worried about the top revealing her breasts.

"He's fucking strong." Finn marvelled and Archie nodded with a kinky grin.

"Yes he is." He said with a satisfied tone that made Finn shake his head and laugh. Tom again dipped Rae so low her head nearly touched the floor and she laughed loudly and looked up at Phillip as he looked down at her.

"Hey there!" He laughed as Tom pulled her back up.

"Hi!" Rae laughed in a high pitched tone, her head swimming with booze and dance and laughter.

"We must continue my love!" Tom said as Rae laughed so hard she was nearly doubled over. Tom took her around the room and spun her before taking her back into his arms when they returned to Finn and Archie.

"Did we all enjoy our dance?" Tom asked merrily.

"I think you gotta take her again!" Finn said and Tom clicked his heels as if he had been given an immutable order.

"Yes sir!"

"No!" Rae laughed as Tom swept her up in his arms again. She squealed and laughed as he set off again.

"Shall we actually have a dance this time?' Finn asked and Archie nodded with a laugh.

"Oi!" Chop said, "You lads can't get into this without me!" Archie and Finn opened their arms drunkenly to him: 6 shots in under 10 minutes, they were already well on the way to being hammered. The three lads danced and Izzy looked on shaking her head and laughing.

"Oh no Izzy!" Rae said in between gasps of laughter.

"Shall I go to the rescue?" Tom asked and Rae nodded. Tom stopped and kissed her hand.

"Farewell my fair lady. You were an excellent dance partner!" Rae turned to watch Tom bound across the dance floor and literally sweep Izzy of her feet. Rae grinned as she saw Izzy burst out into laughter as Tom started to tango her around the room. Rae thought that maybe she could have a quick sit down; the amount of alcohol she'd had and the laughing she'd just done was making her head swim pleasantly, but it wasn't good for keeping herself on her feet properly. Rae turned to see Phillip walking up to her.

"Care to dance?" Phil smiled crookedly at her.

"Sure!" Rae answered, "But I must warn you, I am a little drunk, so I don't know how good I'll be!" Phillip pulled her into a waltz position and felt his fingers touch the bare flesh through the keyhole at her hip. He almost moved his hand away out of respect, but then realised there wasn't anywhere else to put it really, so left his fingers touching her soft warm skin. She staggered slightly and laughed.

"A little drunk?' He asked with a grin.

"Maybe…" She answered slowly with a sly grin, "a lot."

"Well we'll just have to do the best we can." He answered with a fond grin. He started to lead her in an up-tempo waltz, matching the rhythm of the song easily.

"Not sure that a waltz fits this music Philly me lad, but sure!" Rae started to giggle when she realised how foolish she must look waltzing poorly to dance music.

"You look fantastic as always." He told her and she grinned.

"You don't look too bad either." She replied, "Thanks for not just staring at me tits." She said earnestly and as soon as the word 'tits' left her mouth Phil's eyes dropped to her breasts as if the word had power over his eyes. He groaned and looked up at the ceiling as Rae laughed, "Caught you!" She chuckled.

"I'm sorry!" He was mortified; he'd been working so hard all evening to not stare at them. But he had to laugh at her carefree attitude; she really didn't seem to care.

"Ah it's alright Phil." She answered, "I mean at first I were all self-conscious about it." She shrugged, "But I look pretty good so who gives a fuck, right?"

"You look amazing." Phil agreed, "But it's disrespectful to… look at you like that."

"Ah I don't care." Rae shrugged, "makes for a nice change." She scrunched up her nose, "Guys never look at me."

"That's not true." Phillip answered.

"Yeah but tonight don't count." Phil noticed the way she spoke, as if they were talking about nothing important, rather than something intimately connected to her self-esteem and wellbeing.

"You're right, it doesn't count. Because all of these morons couldn't see your true beauty until it was wrapped up in sexualised and objectified manner that they could consume." Phillip answered with authority that Rae had never heard from him before, "your true worth doesn't lie in the fact that you got a banging set of tits, alright Earl?' He asked her with a cheeky grin and she laughed. "Nor in the fact that you fill that dress like you were poured into it by a god that created wet dreams." Rae blushed and looked away, "you are worth so much more than just how you look tonight." Phillip felt himself blushing because of how much he'd said. "Trust me Rae, a lot of people see that. Not just Finn…" He looked over at Finn, in the arms of Archie and Chop laughing loudly, "or the rest of your close mates."

"You're one of me close mates Phil!" Rae said fiercely and hugged him tightly. Phillip returned the hug, painfully aware of the way her body felt pressed against his. And then they started to dance, pressed together in the hug, as if they were a couple; Phil's eyes closed, taking in every moment of something he feared he could never have. He held her for a few moments before gently peeling her off him and returning to the waltz position; she was drunk and he knew she would never have danced with him, holding him like that if she was sober. She wasn't aware of how intimate her embrace had been or of what it did to him and he would never take advantage of her. He knew that he wouldn't have gotten away with much even if he had pressed his luck; she wasn't so drunk that she'd do anything that was overtly sexual, it was just these small subtle things she missed, like the way their friendly hug had a deeper undercurrent. And as Phil waltzed her gently he couldn't shake the thought… the knowledge that she felt right in his arms.

"And you thought Sue weren't flirting with you at the theatre." Phillip groaned and shook his head.

"Alright." He said.

"So how did that conversation go, when you called her?"

"Actually, she called me." Phillip answered. They'd had to give their phone numbers to the theatre as contacts for the school bookings. "She was giving me the proper dimensions of the stage." He shrugged when Rae raised her eyebrows; she should have called Elsa with that information. "And then she asked me if I was coming to this thing and if I had a date." He chuckled, "I told her no and no." He looked over at her, "but she did a pretty good job of convincing me I'd have good time. So here I am." He smiled bracingly.

"And are you having a good time?"

"I am right now." He grinned and she returned the smile, not realising the undertone to his words.

"Sue looks quite stunning tonight!" Rae teased and Phil shook his head shyly.

"She is quite beautiful." He answered sadly.

"Alright and why do you sound so glum about that me ol' pal? She laughed.

"Because I don't really fancy her, you know?" He looked over at her dancing with Macca happily, "I wish I did."

"Karim told me that you don't get to choose when love comes, it just happens when it wants to. And that somehow included something about a deer…?" Rae thought back to Karim speaking in French and wished she understood what he'd said properly. "He was quoting someone I reckon." Rae mused and Phil searched through his memories of great literature to try and find the quote she meant.

"I thinks that's from Nizar Qabbani." He said, "And love doesn't come when we want it to, but comes like an errant deer when it wants."

"Yes!" Rae answered glad to finally have a translation of what Karim had said all that time ago, "That's what he said!" She grinned.

"You're right." He answered, "I can't make myself have feelings for someone." He looked over at her, "I can't stop myself from feeling what I feel either." He sighed. "Looks like Josh might fancy her though." He noted and Rae looked over.

"Hopefully!" She grinned, "He's been pining after Candace all year." She rolled her eyes and Phillip laughed. "Hey, do you know any other of his poems?" Rae asked and Phillip shrugged, embarrassed before nodding slowly.

"It's not really the place to be saying them though is it?" He nodded to the DJ, "Bit loud."

"C'mon Phil!" She asked and he found himself rolling his eyes; when had he ever said no to her?

"Alright." He answered, "Um… how about this one, it's short and it's called 'in the summer.'" He cleared his throat and then grinned self-consciously, "'In the summer, I stretch out on the shore, and think of you.'" Rae stared at him as he spoke, taking in the words, "'Had I told the sea, what I felt for you, it would have left its shores, its shells, its fish, and followed me.'" Philip looked at her with a crooked grin and Rae closed her eyes taking it in, as she often did with poetry.

"I like it." She answered after a while, "you'll have to tell me more of Kabal….?"

"Qabanni."

"Qabanni's poems." Rae furrowed her brows, "How d'you remember everything Phil?"

"Oh…" He looked away with an embarrassed half-smile. "I dunno. I've always had a good memory.' He looked back at her, "Although my parents starting me on mnemonics very young probably helped."

"Your parents push you real hard, huh?"

"Yes they do." He shrugged, "I can take it."

"Yeah but do you ever just let loose and go crazy and do stuff that makes no sense… just for fun?" Phil's eyes left her face again as a small devious smile crept onto his face. He dipped her suddenly, eliciting a squeal from her and laughed.

"There you go!" He grinned, "That was fun." She hit his arm and shook her head.

"I get right proper frightened that you fellas are gonna drop me when you do that." Rae shook her head.

"You're not as heavy as you think you are." Phillip shrugged and Rae beamed at him.

"Alright." She looked away for a moment, "But for real Phillip. You should do more things just for fun."

"Like what?"

"You should hang out with us." She answered earnestly and Phillip scoffed.

"Yeah I can see Finn liking that."

"Alright…" Rae conceded, "But you need to get drunk and have a laugh. I get the feeling that all o' your mates are big on staying in on a Friday night."

"Oh, no, we have chess sometimes." He made fun of himself and Rae chuckled.

"Right I'm gonna have to take you out drinking at least one time." Rae shook her head as if there was no other solution.

"We'll talk about that when you're sober!" He answered, his heart hammering in his chest. He knew that that plan wasn't a good idea; but to tell her that, he'd have to tell her why it wasn't a good idea. Rae seemed to accept what he said and they danced in silence for a while, Rae's eyes on Finn as he put away another triple shot with the other boys, Chloe and Izzy now dancing together.

"So are you gonna fuck Sue tonight?' Rae asked suddenly.

"What?" Phil returned in surprise.

"You know; she's hot."

"Yeah but I don't like her that way."

"You don't need to like someone to fuck 'em." Rae responded with a strange look.

"I suppose not." Phillip answered, "But I do." He shrugged, "Wouldn't exactly be fair to her would it?"

"You know, you remind me of Finn sometimes." Rae said, "I don't know why you two aren't friends."

"Finn's got a bit of a reputation for fucking everything with a vagina Rae." Phillip said, "That's not like me."

"Yeah but it's not true."

"Right." Phillip answered sceptically.

"I know you think I'm just some daft girl that believes everything he says, but I'm not." She said defensively.

"I know you're not." Phillip scrunched his brows together and looked over at Finn; the five lads had now formed a circle, arms around the shoulders of the lads next to him, and were dancing together rowdily. Phil shook his head, half wishing his mates were more like that, half glad that they weren't. He watched as girls approached the circle, attempting to get a dance with one of the guys there, mostly Finn, but all were rejected. And Finn rejected them in no uncertain terms; he very clearly had no desire to dance with any of them. Phillip wondered how many girls Finn had rejected in his time and turned his eyes back to Rae. She was dancing in time to the music, their waltz long forgotten, even as he still held her in the waltz position, more to stop himself from putting his hands on her in an inappropriate way than anything else. He matched her movements, creating a kind of modernised formal dance; she laughed when she realised what he was doing and they concentrated on creating a cohesive dance together, laughing and synching up nicely.

"I love that necklace by the way.' Phil said and Rae grinned.

"Finn gave it to me for me birthday."

"Wow." Phillip answered, "Didn't think he could afford something like that."

"It were his Nan's."

"Wow." Phillip repeated, understanding that the necklace held great significance.

"What d'you mean he couldn't afford it?' She asked moodily.

"Something like that is worth over £10, 000 easily." Phil shrugged, "Probably closer to £30, 000." Phillip mused as Rae's jaw dropped, "My mother has a diamond a bit smaller than that, clear colour that's worth about £20, 000." Phillip looked at the diamond and cocked his head, "depends on the quality of the gem though."

"£10, 000!" Rae gasped, "It can't be worth that much!" Phillip saw her round stunned eyes and back peddled.

"Could be fake." He looked at it again, "Although it's a good fake if it is." He looked closer at the pendant, "If it's been in the family for a long time it might even have a bit of added antique value, you know what I mean?"

"It belonged to his great grandmother first." Rae said still shocked, her mouth feeling numb, "Her parents gave it to her."

"I don't know much about antiques." Phil said apologetically. "You'd have to get it priced by a professional." He looked at it again, "That's quite a gift." He frowned to himself; how were his stupid little book gifts ever supposed to stack up to a beautiful and expensive necklace steeped in family history that no doubt bore a promise with it too? He felt like a boy playing a man's game; the thought, emotion and depth in that gift was staggering. Finn really wasn't the man he thought he was. But one thing he had gotten right; he claimed Rae as his, that necklace made that clear, it practically screamed 'this girl is mine.'

"I had no idea." Rae said, her hand creeping off his shoulder to the pendant, their dance slowing as she took it in.

"I could be wrong." Phillip tried to soothe her, "It has been known to happen very occasionally." He grinned and saw her mouth move upwards slightly. "You should ask him."

"Even if he knew how much it were worth he wouldn't tell me." Rae said, "He wouldn't care." She explained, "Its worth for him lies in the fact that it were his Nan's."

"It's quite beautiful that he gave it to you." Phil said trying to curb his bitterness.

"I know." She smiled. And her hand finally went back to his shoulder. Phil wanted to kiss her, he wanted to tell her how much he loved her, but instead he smiled and she grinned in return.

Finn looked up and scanned the room for Rae. He saw Chloe and Izzy dancing together, laughing and gossiping and furrowed his brows.

"Where's me girl?' He asked himself boozily as he kept looking across the crowd, slowing his dancing, the lads yelling at him to keep up.

And then he saw her, dancing with Phillip, her eyes on his, both of them smiling. Phillip held her in waltzing pose; it wasn't anything sexual or suggestive that made Finn's blood boil, if anything Phillip was being overly careful to not touch her too much. It was the casual and easy way they spoke, the sparkle in their eyes; the obvious connection they had. It was that Rae felt so comfortable with Phillip that she didn't notice how every now and then his fingers moved slightly, caressing her unconsciously. It was that Phillip was so fucking perfect, and Finn was so fucking drunk that he'd left his girl alone long enough to be swept up by him. Archie noticed Finn's change in mood and turned his eyes to look at what Finn had seen.

"Oh fuck!" Archie groaned and Chop looked up.

"That motherfucker!" Chop's aggression piqued and Archie appealed Tom silently as Finn lunged forward. Tom barely had time to grab him around the waist, Archie stopping Chop.

"Not here!" He pleaded. Rhys took in the situation calmly and crossed the room towards Rae and Phillip.

"Oh shit." Archie groaned, worrying what Rhys would do. To his surprise, Rhys tapped Phillip on the shoulder politely and took Rae from him, dancing her around the room expertly, Rhys also choosing the typical waltz position to dance with Rae. Finn's eyes watched them for a moment, saw no threat from Rhys and turned back to Phillip, who was already dancing with another girl.

Chloe and Izzy looked over and Chloe's eyes fell upon Rae and Rhys dancing; a tight knot in her stomach. She wasn't jealous exactly, just worried that another guy she liked would end up liking Rae more. Izzy put a hand over Chop's shoulder.

"Come dance with me?" She asked him and he turned his eyes to her and then to Finn. Finn had settled back down, his eyes still narrowed and staring at Phillip. Chloe sighed.

"C'mon Finn." She took his hand and made him dance with her, he furrowed his brows, unhappy to be in such close proximity with her but too drunk to properly argue.

"Thanks." Archie said, his head swimming with booze and stress, Tom shook his head.

"No worries." Tom said with a drunk grin and looked over at Phillip, "Why does he hate Phil so much; he seems nice enough."

"Yeah he is nice. But he's in love with Rae."

"Oh."

"And he goes after her." Archie said, "If I'm honest, Phil would make her happy."

"Better than Finn?" Tom asked curiously, his eyes narrowing at Phillip. Archie scrunched up his face in slow thought.

"I don't think so." He said, "Rae and Finn are like…" The word wouldn't come to his hazy mind and he stood there for a moment, still and silent, Tom staring at him, "soul mates." Archie answered finally, "They were meant to be." He looked back at Phil, "but if you can have a kind of… secondary soul mate… that's Rae and Phil. Sucks being Phil." Archie cocked his head in thought.

"And the kind of girl Rae is means that she's oblivious to most of this." Tom understood, "So Phillip still thinks he has a chance because Rae hasn't outright told him otherwise."

"I don't think it's deliberate on her behalf. I just don't think she realises that it's much, much more than a bit of a crush."

"Your friends are ever so complicated." Tom grinned and Archie leaned in and kissed him.

"Glad we're not!" Archie agreed and they started to dance together

"No it's very simple, with us." Tom kissed Archie and they danced, their tongues drunkenly exploring each other's mouths.

"Rhys." Rae said in her best 'I'm not drunk' voice. "You do some pretty kinky shit right?"

"Ok I didn't expect that." He laughed. He was the least drunk of all of them; he held his booze well, but he still felt tipsy.

"It's just you know Elsa… and she got a bit of a reputation… and you like boys and girls… and you wear skirts… so…" she shrugged, "I dunno… you know stuff…" she said earnestly, "is what I mean."

"You know stuff as well." He answered with a straight face.

"Yeah but not like you." Rhys shook his head slowly, but decided to keep his mouth shut and let her get to the point, "I wanna… surprise Finn…"

"I'm not sure I like where this is going Rae." Rhys said softly, not sure what she intended.

"No it's fine!" She answered with a drunken shake of her head, "When we're in London in the next few weeks, I wanna take him to like a live sex show." She said and Rhys breathed a sigh of relief. "Do we have them in England?"

"Of course." Rhys answered, "They're not entirely legal though."

"Yeah whatever." Rae said disinterested in the legality, "Where do they have them?"

"They move around." Rhys said, "I'll give you a number you can call to find the where the next one will be. You call on the day you wanna go. They give you the location. They'll ask you who gave you the number, tell them Rhys O'Daire."

"Great!" Rae grinned, "I have to get a pen!" She started to leave but Rhys held her in place with his hands easily.

"I'll give it to you when you come to training." He said obviously and she grinned.

"Of course!"

"I suggest you call on Wednesdays…" Rhys said with a strange grin, "That's the most heterosexual day."

"Chloe, I don't…" Finn's words slurred. He had drunk a lot over the last half hour; only Chop had had the same amount and he was happily staggering around the dance floor with a giggling Izzy.

"S'alright!" She told him grinning, "I won't make a move." She looked over at Rhys, "My intentions lay elsewhere Finn." Finn's eyes went over to Rhys and he grinned.

"You really like him."

"Yeah. But I don't know if I'm ready." She fretted.

"He'll wait." Finn answered, knowing it was true.

"How can you know that?" She asked with a sad voice. Finn tried to focus himself and furrowed his brows.

"When I first started training with him, he said that he didn't want me to start at all unless I was willing to follow it through properly." Finn looked over at Rhys, "That's how he is." Finn shrugged, "Whatever you need, he'll give it to you." He looked over at Chloe, "Cos he wouldn't have started with you unless he was willing to follow it through properly." Chloe smiled hopefully and looked back at him.

"He's not what I expected." She said, "I mean he is…" she giggled, the alcohol making her head feel light, "He's all facts and figures and hard… but he's so soft too." She grinned, "And phil… philosy… philsophic… phil." She stopped took a deep breath, "philosophical." She said slowly. "Fucking alcohol." They laughed.

"Aye that he is."

"D'you think we can be friends again yet?" She asked with a sad smile.

"I dunno." He said and looked over at Rae talking excitedly with Rhys, "Depends on Rae." Chloe looked over at Rae.

"I was so terrible to her, Finn. And to you." She lowered her eyes. "I'd deserve it if you neither of you ever trusted me again." She looked up at him, "I just wanted you to know that you don't need to worry anymore." Her eyes went over to Rhys and Finn followed her gaze.

"Let's cut in yeah?" He asked her and she grinned, "We'd both rather be dancing with them." Chloe nodded and they headed over to Rae and Rhys.

When they got there Rae turned and instantly opened her arms to Finn who took her happily into his. Chloe watched them with a grin before turning to Rhys, who waited to follow her lead, she opened her arms and he put his hands on her hips and drew her closer, still keeping a conservative distance between their bodies. But she stepped up closer, letting her body mould into his and he wrapped his arms around her protectively. She smiled, content, safe, warm and they danced slowly, ignoring the music and simply enjoying their closeness.

"Miss Earl." Finn said as they slowly moved away from Rhys and Chloe, who were clearly having a private moment. "Having a good night?"

"Much better now." She answered with a grin that made his heart flutter. "You?"

"It's been a lot better than I thought it'd be." He admitted.

"I do need more alcohol though." Rae said, "But I think it has to wait. Cos I need your kiss a lot more." Finn grinned cheekily.

"I can go get a triple shot for you right now?" He asked innocently and Rae made a pouty face.

"Why pouty, Mrs Nelson?"

"Cos it's been ages since I got a kiss." She sulked and Finn couldn't help himself; he leaned in and kissed her messily, drunkenly. And she returned it passionately. He felt his hands fall down to her arse and groaned gently. He didn't want to have any more alcohol, he wanted to make love to her tonight. He let one hand travel back up her body to the keyhole between her breasts and slipped a hand under the fabric to her bare flesh, his fingers finding one of her nipples and gently circling it. She moaned and pressed herself closer to him.

"Maybe I don't need more alcohol." She suggested breathily and Finn nodded, his head still swimming; it'd be a while before he would be any good in the sack, he needed to sweat off and sober up a bit. He wanted to go home and have her now. But he knew that not only could he not get it up now, but that they needed to stay until the evening ended for Archie. But now he just had to convince Chop that he didn't want to drink anymore.

Luckily, Chop had come to a similar conclusion as Finn as he danced with Izzy: tonight was not the night to get plastered, that would have to come later. Tonight, he wanted Izzy, not in the same way as he'd wanted these past few days since he had brought her home from the hospital. This was different, he wanted to fuck her. Hard. He never thought he'd feel that way about Izzy; he loved her. Even at his worst when he had fumbled through sex and been fast and frantic he'd never wanted to fuck her like he did now. He was worried that he wanted it to be too hard and she wouldn't be able to handle it.

_Communicate._

Finn's advice came back to him and he felt butterflies in his stomach. He pulled her closer, a hand dropping to her arse, his lips going to her ear. He felt far too drunk to be talking about this so he kissed her neck instead and she giggled.

"Chop?" She said breathlessly. "Don't drink anymore tonight." He nodded and she took his face into her hands, "Good, cos I'm gonna rip that tuxedo off you when we get home."

_'Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)' by Greenday_

Rae groaned loudly when the song played and the lights came up.

"I bet they're playing this song at every summer ball across the country." She shook her head and Finn laughed and held her close to get the last dance of the evening in. There was something wonderful about dancing with Rae. And given that he'd quite possibly never see her wear that dress again, he wanted to hold onto this moment for as long as possible. All around them people started to kiss and hug, tears were being shed, people were saying farewell to the second year students; it was time for them to leave college and go forward into the world.

When they'd done the graduation ceremony yesterday evening after the last exam Rae had found herself tearing up when Archie took his little piece of paper. The actual marks he got would come through later, but he'd graduated regardless.

She looked around and realised that this was the last time she'd ever see some of these people.

She saw Archie getting hugs from Izzy and Chloe and felt tears in her eyes. She'd danced with Archie several times tonight, but the fact that this was still the last thing she'd ever do with him at school hit her hard

"What are we gonna do without Archie next year?" Rae asked and Finn looked over and felt an immediate sense of loss, of things coming to an end. Without a word they both headed towards Archie, throwing their arms around him simultaneously. Izzy and Chloe looking on. Chop not understanding what all the fuss was about. Archie felt himself getting emotional as he hugged Rae and Finn, his eyes looked up at Tom, smiling supportively and he couldn't stop himself from crying. As soon as Rae heard Archie begin to cry she started crying.

"You two!" Finn said in a constricted voice, his own emotions starting to get the better of him.

"I can't believe I'm leaving without you mate." Archie said to Finn and Finn shook his head.

"You're never without me, alright?" Archie nodded and the two best friends hugged

Rae heard a sob and looked over to see Stacey hugging Amy and Lois, Vikki standing beside them with her mouth covered, tears streaming down her face. Vikki and Stacey were leaving this year; Lois and Amy still had second year to do, like Rae and the rest of the gang.

"Bloody hell, I even feel emotional about them leaving." Rae nodded to them and Archie sniffled.

"Me too." He responded and they laughed, still crying together. And then people started hugging her; Josh was leaving and Rae suddenly felt that she'd miss that dickhead far too much. It was mostly the kids from the performing arts class that Rae felt emotional about as the second years came over to say goodbye.

Finn looked over and saw Tom and Rhys heading to the men's room.

"Back in a sec." He whispered to Rae and nodded towards the toilets. Rae watched him leave and was incredibly happy he was repeating. She couldn't stand the idea of losing him next year too. It was bad enough that Archie was going. Chloe was crying and hugging Archie again, she felt her own tears starting up again and then Mike came to say goodbye.

"Earl!" He said happily, "oh Rae…" He took her into his arms and Rae hugged him fiercely. She'd miss hot Mike; he was always a good laugh, and Finn liked him too. Plus he was wonderful eye candy when Finn wasn't around to stare at.

"You know Finn, you have an 'I've got a big cock but I don't brag about it' air about you." Tom said as they went into the bathroom, Rhys leading the way.

"Oh aye?' Finn laughed.

"I like that about you." Tom grinned and went to the furthest urinal. Finn skipped the next urinal and went to the next one and Rhys did the same, keeping one between them. Finn liked the fact that Tom could say stuff like that and not make you feel uncomfortable somehow. He realised that it was Tom's obvious devotion to Archie that made anything else he said okay. In fact, over the two months that Tom had been getting to know the gang he had begun to very quickly feel like one of them. They were silent for a moment, doing their business, keeping their eyes forward.

"Tom…" Finn said his name before realising that he was going to. He was still a little drunk, but something Rae had said to him, about being 'Tom junior', made him want to talk to Tom. "You're like… a sadist right?" Finn asked and Rhys started to chuckle, thinking that this was both of them now that had raised kink tonight. Tom cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Is this the concerned friend talk?" He asked with a bemused smile.

"No." Finn answered honestly, "Archie knows what he's doing." Finn shrugged, "I trust him. And if he says it's all good then is, innit?" Tom's smile turned into a genuine grin and he nodded.

"Ok then." He answered and went back to Finn's question, "Not like one. Am one." Tom zipped his fly and went to the sink, "Sadomasochist actually."

"The fuck is that?" Finn asked, zipping his pants and going to the sink to wash his hands.

"I like taking and giving." Tom answered.

"So like… you share power?" Finn was interested in this, he enjoyed Rae's and his power struggles in the bedroom.

"I don't do power games really." Tom answered. "I give and take pain. The amount and type depends on my partner."

"Oh right." Finn scrunched his brows.

"Complicated world we live in." Rhys grinned and finished up, washing his hands and leaning on the sink next to Tom.

"Why you asking, lover boy?" Tom asked with an astute grin, "Thinking of giving Rae a few love-taps?"

"I kinda have given her a few… love… taps." Finn finished the sentence with a frown. "But not like you and Archie."

"Well Archie and I are very unique. As everyone is."

"Think you're a sadist in the making Finn?" Rhys asked seriously.

"No…" He shook his head. "But maybe a little?"

"Sounds like run of the mill basic kink to me." Rhys said to Tom and Tom nodded.

"I left bruises on her!" Finn said feeling defensive. And Rhys laughed.

"That's fine Finn, as long as she was down with it." Rhys answered.

"I'm just saying, that's not run o' the mill." Finn retorted. "That's not really natural." Finn finally said what was worrying him, but it wasn't why he had wanted to talk to Tom; this conversation was not going as he had planned.

"Are you joking?" Rhys answered, "In the animal kingdom, the overwhelming majority of sexual encounters leave a mark on one or both parties involved, some even result in the male's death."

"What?' Finn asked with a confused face.

"Fur and feathers getting pulled out. Some even bite chunks out of each other." Rhys continued, "There is nothing that humans do that is unprecedented, nothing that doesn't happen in nature. None of it is unnatural." Finn looked at Rhys, his mind working over this, "Don't let ideas of what's natural fuck you up Finn. Worry about consent, and what you both want to do, and feels good to both of you. Not some half-arsed notion of what sex is supposed to be."

"Yeah but humans aren't animals are they? Not everyone does that kind o' stuff." Finn persisted, needing to understand the urge in him to sometimes do some very dark and dirty things to the woman he loved. Rhys laughed.

"You have been too sheltered Finn." Rhys answered, "Suburbia is a land of people fucking in all sorts of kinky ways when the kids are tucked up at night. Hiding it all in the closet by day." Rhys shook his head, "hell having a kink is so common it's practically vanilla."

"Vanilla sex is its own kink isn't it?" Tom joked and Rhys laughed, "Cos it's so uncommon for people to just have vanilla sex!"

"What is vanilla sex anyway?" Finn mumbled.

"Missionary position, penis in vagina." Tom said. "So I've never had that!"

"Aye, you're such a kinky pervert." Finn laughed and Tom nodded. "So gay sex is just straight up a kink by this definition?"

"The people who try to define what's right and wrong in sex tend to start with a really narrow definition and branch out from there." Tom answered.

"For really strict definitions, it's missionary, penis in vagina where you're trying to make a baby." Rhys added.

"Ugh." Finn pulled a face.

"How boring." Tom agreed. "Could you imagine doing just that for the rest of your life?" Tom shook his head, "I'd have died a virgin if I tried to stick to that."

"But why do you like what you like?" Finn asked, "I mean why is it a turn on?"

"God, might as well ask why I'm gay while you're at it. I just do." Tom rolled his eyes. "But if you really want an answer, I guess the best answer I can give is that pain makes the pleasure sweeter." Finn nodded and considered this. It was true for him; a little bit of pain intensified his pleasure.

"Do you…?" Finn asked Rhys and Rhys shrugged with a grin.

"I do a lot of things." He looked over at Tom, "like Tom said, depends on the partner."

"I get a feeling you'll be more vanilla with Chloe than you're accustomed to." Tom teased and Rhys shrugged.

"So be it.' He answered nonchalantly. "Unlike you Tom I don't mind a bit o' vanilla." Tom chuckled and Finn had a feeling that his sexual tastes ran closer to Rhys's than Tom's; a bit of everything. Although Finn had never been attracted to men like Rhys was, he felt that he had the same exploratory nature, the same light and dark elements.

"I been positively normal with Archie on occasion. Even make love sometimes." Tom said as if it was an impossibility. Rhys laughed loudly.

"Now I know he's gotten under your skin." Rhys said fondly.

"I am so in love with that boy it hurts.' Tom agreed.

"I never thought I'd see the day." Rhys laughed and Tom nodded in agreement.

"You guys've fucked huh?" Finn asked, noting the intimacy in their friendship. He thought they might have when Rhys had told him that Tom fought and fucked hard a few months back when Finn had asked him if Archie was safe with Tom. But seeing them chat like this made it obvious they had.

"Of course." Tom said, "Good looking guy like Rhys…? Like I wouldn't."

"Archie know?" Finn asked astutely.

"Not yet." Tom said with a grim face. "We haven't really gotten into my past sex life yet." Tom pulled a face. "I am a little worried it'll frighten him off. I've been such a tart." He gave a slightly worried look and sighed.

"I don't think it will." Finn answered knowingly.

"He's got good mates." Tom said with a crooked grin.

"Aye, I know!" Finn laughed.

"So tell me about these love-taps." Tom urged gently, "What's got you worried?"

"I'm worried I'll hurt her… like more than she wants… or like… for real." Finn said falteringly. "Like how do I know how far is too far?" He scrunched up his face, "And… don't tell anyone, but she used to self-harm… How I do know that this isn't replacing that?" Tom and Rhys exchanged a look and Rhys hopped up to sit on the bench and looked back at Tom while Finn leaned on the wall.

"Why'd she self-harm?" Rhys asked.

"We haven't talked about it in detail." Finn frowned feeling inadequate; how could he not know the answer? "I know it was a lot of self-hate and, misery and… bad stuff was happening."

"Alright." Rhys answered gravely, "And she asks you to hit her and bruise her?"

"Yeah." Finn asked feeling like worms were squirming in his stomach.

"What's her mood like?" Rhys asked, "What's been happening before she asks you?"

"She seems pretty happy most o' the time." Finn said, "There's been a lot o' shit happening though. Like with the stalker stuff and Izzy." Finn frowned, "D'you think she's doing it to deal with her emotions?"

"Might be." Rhys answered, "You'd need to talk to her about it." Tom sighed and pulled a face.

"Even if she is using it to deal with her emotions, so what?" He asked, "It's a survival tactic for her right? Everyone's got them. I go for a punishing run when life gets shit. You box… maybe she gets bruises."

"But it's not a healthy way to deal with emotions is it?" Finn said honestly, "I don't wanna be part o' that." He fidgeted with his cuff, "if it's just pain making pleasure better, then yeah, I'm in. But if she doing it to cope with other pain… I can't. It's not right." Tom shrugged.

"Some people need to cry it out violently and a good beating helps them get there." He shrugged, "Maybe that's her thing.

"I don't go that hard on her." Finn said a little confronted by Tom's words. "It's just some spanking." Rhys and Tom suddenly laughed.

"What the fuck are you worrying about?" Tom laughed loudly. "Here I was thinking you were fucking working the girl over properly, and you're just whacking her arse!" Tom shook his head, "D'you even use a cane or a paddle or anything?"

"No!" Finn said with real surprise.

"Alright, alright…" Rhys calmed down, seeing the look of confusion on Finn's face, "Mate most people like getting spanked, they just don't know it." Rhys looked at his face and grinned, "But I can tell by the look on your face she's never returned the favour. Get her give you a spanking and you'll understand." He nodded with a gleam in his eye. "It's not a self-harm thing at all." Rhys assured him.

"Yeah the arse bruises long before it hurts so much you want it to stop." Tom agreed.

"You have a very high pain threshold Tom." Rhys reminded him, "but I'm sure Rae isn't doing anything that isn't entirely about her own pleasure. The arse is a very… sensitive and sensual place. It's underrated thanks to homophobia and germ phobia." Rhys told him. "You have nothing to worry about."

"What if I wanna go a little further?" Finn asked.

"Talk to Rae about your concerns." Rhys answered him.

"Of course I will." Finn said, "That's not the problem. We talk just fine." Finn looked frustrated. "It's just that… Sometimes she wants me to do stuff and sometimes she doesn't… how do I know… like when I got her tied up and I'm doing stuff… like when I had her hands tied, she were right pissed off she couldn't touch me." Tom and Rhys watched Finn trying to get around to what he was trying to ask, "and I didn't know whether to keep her tied or not. Like if she were that pissed off I should untie her… how do I know?"

"Oh right. Safe words." Tom said, "He's such a cute little newbie." Tom said to Rhys and Finn shot him a dirty look. "You started this whole conversation because you wanted to know about safe words." Tom sighed, "Bless." Finn looked at him with an expectant stare. "Tell her that you'll keep going no matter what she says or does unless she says the safe word. Agree to what it is beforehand."

"Maybe don't say you'll keep going no matter what," Rhys corrected Tom, "they're not you Tom!" He added with a grin, "Not as rough." Tom rolled his eyes. "Just make sure it's a word you wouldn't normally say during sex." Finn thought about it. "And agree to what sort of stuff you're gonna do beforehand too."

"Takes some of the fun out of it." Tom shook his head. "Just get a blanket consent; everything is allowed until she says no, or the safe word if you're wanting her to say no. If you know what I mean."

"I… don't know… what you mean." Finn said slowly.

"You know… you tie her up and get her to fight back and say no to you but you keep going until you hear the safe word." Tom shrugged.

"Oh right." Finn said slowly.

"I think I'm overeducating him." Tom pulled a face and Rhys shook his head slowly bemused.

"I'm not sure that's my thing." Finn said with a frown.

"Might be hers." Tom said with a shrug, "lots of people like lots of different things."

"The best part o' sex is that she wants it and likes it… not sure pretending otherwise would do it for me, you know?"

"Fair enough." Rhys answered and Finn continued to think about safe words.

"Alright… safe words." He nodded slowly, "But what if her mouth's… you know…" He looked down and fidgeted with his fingers as Tom and Rhys shared a smile.

"Three knock system." Tom answered. "Knock, blink, grunt… whatever, three times and I know to stop." Finn stared off for a moment thinking about all of that.

"Just make sure you talk to Rae about everything before." Rhys said firmly, "and that you're both very clear on what you want. And that you both consent and that if you're pushing boundaries, you're doing it in a safe and supportive way." Rhys was a better sex education teacher than the classes and books from school, "and if you're leaving bruises, do after care."

"Like ice and stuff." Finn grinned, glad to already know something.

"And emotional reconnection and support." Tom said. "If you ever go that hard on her." Finn narrowed his eyes and thought about that.

"I don't think… that I ever will." He answered honestly.

"And make sure she understands that loss of control is not a real thing." Rhys said, "So she knows she can trust you."

"Not a real thing?' Finn asked with furrowed brows thinking of all the times she teased him into a frenzy.

"Ever had a time when you felt like you were gonna lose control?" Rhys asked and Finn nodded in reply, "Did you?" Finn thought about it, "I mean really?" Rhys asked, "You might have gotten rougher or more insistent, but did you lose yourself so much you forgot where you were and what you were doing?"

"No." He said, "Even at the height of it, I still checked in with her to make sure she were alright." Finn said, "It were an effort to reign it in…"

"But not impossible." Rhys said and Finn nodded, "it's never impossible, just varying degrees of difficult. Make sure she knows that, so that she knows, you'll always reign it in if she needs or wants you to. So she's always safe with you. You can never do this stuff unless she's safe."

"Or you're safe if she's doing it to you." Tom added, "And always respect the safe word, or the three knocks." Tom said seriously.

"Aye." Finn answered, "O' course."

"Any other questions newb?" Tom asked with a grin.

"Leave off!" Finn laughed.

"Ah he's gotta learn this stuff somewhere." Rhys grinned, thinking about what Rae had in stall for him in London. "And I am honoured to be your friend and confidant." Rhys said seriously.

"Aye." Finn returned, "It's nice to see you outside o' the boxing joint."

"I'm glad you don't mind. I'm hoping Chloe will let me be around quite a bit more."

"Me too!" Finn answered, having so many reasons to keep Rhys in his inner circle and realising that Chloe could make or break the whole situation for him.

Rae patted Mike's back, he had held her for a few minutes, put her at arm's length to look at her then held her again, clearly far too drunk. She looked over at Chloe, Izzy, Chop and Archie chatting with Josh; none of them having seen what was happening. She just needed Phil or someone to come and take his attention again and everything would be fine; he'd start hugging them then. He was such a touchy feely drunk.

"I'm sorry." He said suddenly, "I know you think I'm so drunk that I can't stop hugging you." He put her at arm's length again, "I'm just trying to stop you from going while I build up the courage to tell you…" He paused and looked at her face.

"Tell me what Mike?" Rae said with an awkward grin.

"That you're the most beautiful girl in Stamford." He said earnestly. Rae felt her eyebrows furrow.

"That's not true." She said simply.

"No but you are." He looked away for a moment, "Like at first I thought you was just some fat, mingy bird, right, and I heard Finn Nelson was doing you… and I thought Simmy was right you know? Magic fanny." He looked embarrassed, "But I got to know you a bit, and you're right proper smart and funny." He looked down, meaning to look at his feet but instead getting caught up in her breasts, "And then I found myself starting to like you more and more… and then I saw you at the art class and… well I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since." He said softly and looked back up at her face, "and I just realised that I'm never gonna see you again. I'm fucking off to university down south…" He seemed to look at her in a way that would memorise her face. "So I thought… I'd be brave enough to tell you that I think you're brilliant. In every way."

"You're really drunk Mike." Rae tried to tell him but he shook his head.

"Nah I think this way all the time. You're brilliant. Finn's really fucking lucky to have you." He looked her up and down again, "I know he's s'posed to be the fittest lad in school, but I still don't understand how he managed to pull it off. How'd he get you?"

"Um…" Rae was utterly flummoxed. It was not a question she'd ever considered, or one she ever thought would really be asked of her. "I kinda wonder how I managed to get him, Mike."

"Don't be fucking daft woman!" Mike laughed, "You're closest to perfect I've ever seen. And Finn's a grumpy sod! A brilliant grumpy sod… but still a grumpy sod." Rae shook her head but Mike hugged her again, "I'll miss seeing you smile Rae." He said honestly. "Can't believe what a lucky bastard Finn is." Rae was trying to devise a plan for getting out of this when she Phillip weaving his way through the crowd towards her.

"Mike!" He said happily and Mike held Rae closer.

"Not this time Phil. You get her next year I don't."

"It's ok Mike, you can visit us all." Phil said softly and Mike suddenly grinned and let Rae go.

"You're right!" He stumbled slightly and hugged Phil, Rae started to laugh silently now that he was off her. He hadn't touched her inappropriately. Unlike Corey who had tried to cop a feel of her tits when he'd hugged her goodbye; he just hadn't wanted to let her go. Rae gave Phil an appreciative grin and Phil shook his head that it was fine. All around them people hugged and cried and said their farewells.

Finn came out of the bathroom and saw Mike hugging Phil again and realised what had happened. He saw Rae grinning at Phillip.

"That smarmy git." Finn fumed almost silently; first he'd already rescued her from Mike when they got here, then the dance earlier on this evening, and now this.

Phil pointed out that Candace wanted to farewell Mike and managed to foist him off onto her. No sooner was Mike hugging her farewell than Candace had started kissing him. They made out passionately and Rae raised her eyebrows and looked back at Phillip, they started to laugh. Finn started to head back towards them as he saw Phillip saying something to Rae and she nodded and replied, setting them both off into giggling fits. And then Phillip opened his arms to her, to say goodnight with a hug. Rae went to hug him, and then Finn was there pushing Phil back. Rhys and Tom hanging back slightly. But watching closely.

"I don't think so Bill." Finn said aggressively. And Rae held her tongue, having long ago agreed to not fight Finn on the topic of Phillip, even though she thought he was out of line here. She and Phillip were just friends, she'd already made that clear to Phil. Rae hugged all of her friends. But Rae didn't think she'd ever get Finn to see reason when it came to Phillip. Phil just rubbed Finn the wrong way. Rae had come to understand it was because they were so similar in many regards; they were like two notes that were almost the same but when you played them together they created a harmonic dissonance that jarred your ear, exactly because they were so alike that it highlighted how different they were.

"Fuck you Bryn-Lee." Phil returned with an almost cocky air, "Maybe if you'd been around to look after your girl I wouldn't have to." He nodded towards Mike and gave Finn a meaningful look. Finn felt rage flooding into his system and grinned; his intent clear as his fists balled purposefully.

"Not tonight." Tom breathed softly. And Finn cocked his head slightly, hearing what Tom was saying; Tom hadn't given Simmy the thumping he deserved tonight, because tonight was supposed to be special. Finn tried to reign in his temper with great difficulty.

"You'll get your fucking eyes off my girl if you know what's good for you, Jill." Rae had never heard Finn sound so threatening and she felt her hand creep up to her open mouth. Chop had looked over to see what was happening, and the rest of the gang were coming over, led by Chop. Phil paused as if weighing his chances; his options. His eyes flicked over to Chop, Izzy's hand on his arm trying to soothe him; if Finn had a problem with Phillip, Chop had a problem with Phillip. Archie went to Tom's side and they spoke softly, Tom appraising Archie of the situation. Chloe put her hand on Chop's other arm and Rhys nodded almost imperceptibly in answer to her silent request for help with keeping Chop under control.

"Always the fucking Neanderthal." Phillip answered drawing himself to his full height and squaring his shoulders impressively.

"Alright, you two!" Rae tried to intervene. But Finn advanced on Phil and Phillip stepped up. Phil's two inch height advantage didn't hide Finn's slightly superior weight; the work he'd been doing with Rhys had increased his core strength and muscle mass.

"The Neanderthal that's gonna knock your fucking teeth down your throat if you come near her again." Finn threatened, "I'm done playing nice. You don't got school as an excuse no more. Stay the fuck away from her."

"Make me." Phillip scoffed.

"Oh I'll make you." Finn said and took a step closer. "You don't talk to her. You don't look at her. If you see her on the same road as you, you turn the fuck around and walk away. If you come anywhere near her I will hurt you in ways you can't even begin to imagine."

"Fucking make me Gwyn." Phillip answered icily, no hint of fear in his voice. Rae couldn't believe what she was seeing, the aggression from both of them was something she'd never seen before.

"No one's making anyone do anything! Stop goading him Phil!" Chloe said and pushed Phillip back before turning to Finn, "You can't tell Rae who to talk to." She said angrily, "Phillip's my friend too. He's a good guy and you need to calm the fuck down!" Finn kept his eyes on Phillip, ignoring Chloe completely, "You're treating her like property and I thought you were better than that." She finished sadly. Finn turned his eyes to her momentarily.

"You don't know what you're talking about Chlo." Finn turned his eyes back to Phillip, "get outta me way."

"No!" She said angrily.

"Alright." Rhys said calmly, "That's enough."

"No fuck that shite!" Chop said angrily, "if Finn wants that cunt's blood, he's got it!" He grabbed Chloe and pulled her out of the way.

"Chop!" Izzy said with dismay.

"If I saw some bloke looking at you the way that git looks at Raemundo, I'd put him in fucking hospital." Chop explained to Izzy. Chloe pulled herself loose of Chop's grasp and hit his arm hard.

"Arsehole!" She yelled at him loudly.

"Not tonight!" Archie said commandingly. "It's me last night." He said softly, "Can you at least wait till I'm fucking gone to all fall apart!" Archie stormed past them to the limo parked waiting for them and got in. Phil glared at Finn for a moment longer.

"To be continued dickwad." He said and turned to Rae, "I'll chat to you later." He turned and left without looking back. Sue walked past, laughing with Josh.

"'Night Rae!" She called as she left with him. Rae looked over to Mike and Candace still making out. No one had even noticed any of this. She looked over at Finn, he was looking down at his feet shaking his head. He looked up at her and she shook her head at him and turned to go after Archie without a word. Chloe and Chop stared at each other.

"Sorry girl, but you gotta keep out of men's business." He said apologetically and Chloe narrowed her eyes at him.

"Men's business?" Izzy said with an incredulous tone.

"I just meant Chloe could get hurt." Chop said quickly seeking to placate Izzy.

"Oh right, cos all men do is use their fists!" Izzy took Chloe's hand. "She was right to try and stop that fight and you're being an arse right now Arnold Jacob Peters." Izzy said staunchly, "C'mon Chlo, Archie needs us." Izzy gave Chop a dirty look and Chloe looked over her shoulder at Rhys for a moment before following Izzy to the limo.

"Go." Rhys said softly to Tom and Tom took off towards the limo. Rhys turned back to Chop and Finn. He'd been teaching Finn for over eight years; Chop for nearly five; he didn't need to say a word for both of them to lower their eyes and think about what just happened. Rhys was well aware that even though he was only 24, he was a better father to Chop than Chop's own father had been and he knew that Finn had an excellent father, but often needed more guidance than Gary offered. It had been a lot to put on Rhys at the age of 16; his first student, an angry 10 year old boy missing his mother, but he had grown to love Finn as a brother. Nonetheless, he would never show mercy when it wasn't deserved.

"You trying to prove you're as misogynistic as Ray Jones." Finn looked up at him in surprise.

"I don't bash Rae!" He said angrily; hurt by Rhys's comparison. Ray Jones was a guy that used to come to the boxing joint. Three years ago he'd beaten his wife to death in their home. She'd apparently let his dinner get cold. A long history of domestic violence was uncovered and the whole of Stamford had been aghast that no one had realised that poor little, accident prone, shy, stuttering Agnes Jones had been an abused wife. Except for Rhys, who, from the first day he met Ray, had been trying to tell the authorities, and anyone who would listen, that he was dangerous.

"Did I ever tell you how I knew Ray was a dangerous man?" Rhys asked Finn and Finn shook his head. "Cos he treated Agnes like his property." Rhys had a particular unimpressed sneer of contempt that he reserved for things that were particularly distasteful, Finn had rarely been on the receiving end of that sneer, and being on it now made him feel sick. "Like she was the same as his car, or shoes… even beneath his dog. Cos he let his dog talk to other dogs. Said it was good to socialise dogs for their temperaments. That dog socialised with whatever dog it wanted, while he controlled every interaction Agnes had." Rhys gave Finn the full force of that sneer, "tell me it was an unfair comparison Finn." Finn didn't want to believe it, he clung to the notion that he was right.

"That cunt goes after my girl Rhys." Finn said angrily.

"And she chooses you and not him every day." Rhys said, "Which is her right." He said meaningfully, "to choose." He let silence settle amongst them "and today you should be thankful she chooses you because today you don't deserve that choice. The only way to be a real man in this world is to earn the love and respect of those you want it from." Rhys said firmly, "you both failed at that today." He looked at them both sternly, "You tried to own Rae rather than deserve her." He gave Finn time with that thought and then turned to look at Chop, "And you both ignored the concerns and wishes of those you claim to love, simply because it didn't suit you to hear them. You gave them fear and put them in danger and dismissed them and made them feel unimportant to you because of your egos."

"Oh fuck." Chop said and took off towards the limo, ready to beg for forgiveness from Izzy, Rae, Archie and Chloe. Rhys looked back at Finn.

"What's going on Finn?" He asked softly.

"He's better than me Rhys." Finn said sadly, "It's only a matter o' time before she realises it."

"Whether that is true or not, is not for you or me to judge." Rhys answered, "But acting like a dickhead will only confirm your theory and will do nothing to stop her from realising it whether it's true or not." Rhys told him and put a hand on his shoulder, "earn her love and respect. That is the only thing you can do. And if you do that, it won't matter if he's better or not because she will always choose you. If you work to earn her love and respect you will always be the better man for her." Finn took a deep breath feeling ashamed of himself in a way that he hadn't since he was a little boy.

"He works to earn it too." Finn said irritably, "He does a better job than me."

"That's not for you to say." Rhys answered immutably.

"That fucker riles me up so much." Finn said bitterly.

"And you can give it back to him without trying to own Rae." Rhys said, "I'd never expect anyone to take shit from someone. You know that." Rhys said, "And I expect you to give him twice as much shit as he gives you." Finn looked up at him with a wry grin, "But you can't own another human being. That's not how you win this."

"Was I really that bad?"

"I saw fear in your girl's eyes Finn." Rhys finally saw the full impact of Finn's actions hit him.

"Was she afraid o' me?"

"She'll say she wasn't." Rhys said, "She'll say she was afraid of a fight breaking out. And nothing will ever make her say otherwise"

"But she was afraid o' me." Finn said, his entire body feeling numb and painful at the same time.

"That's not for me to say." Rhys said, "But at the very least she was afraid of your possible actions."

"That's not much better." Finn lowered his eyes.

"I see what you mean about your temper now." Rhys said softly and Finn gave him a grim smile.

"I'm much better than I were." Finn answered honestly. "Been doing this self-soothing thing that Rae taught me." He looked over at the limo. The door was open, waiting for them and Rae kept looking back to him. Rhys thought about what Finn had said.

"I think you like being riled up by Phil." Rhys said softly and Finn scrunched up his brows at Rhys.

"No I don't."

"You like the competition." Rhys said and started to walk back to the limo. Rhys decided to leave it there, because it was up to Finn to realise the rest of that sentence. Finn followed, his hands in his pockets, his head lowered. He got into the limo and sat next to Rae.

"I'm sorry I ruined the night." He said softly, "I don't want us all to fall apart cos I'm a twat." He kept his eyes on his knees so he wasn't ready for Archie launching himself at him. They hugged, Archie sitting on Finn's lap.

"I was just sad cos it's all over." Archie said, "You're not a twat!"

"You're a bit of a twat." Chloe said with lowered eyes and Rhys gave her a smile that she tried, but failed to not return.

"If anyone's king twat it's me!" Chop declared as Archie slunk in between Rae and Finn. Finn kept trying to see how Rae was but he couldn't see her through Archie's laughing form.

"But I can make it up to all of us!" He raised a baggie with eight joints in it. "A little gift for me favourite fuckers!" Archie laughed and reached out for one as he sat back next to Tom, Finn looking over at Rae immediately, she was looking at Chop and he felt his heart fall; she was deliberately not looking at him, and that meant she was angry at him. "He's gonna drive around for an hour then drop us all home." Chop said told them as he started to hand the spliffs to each of them. He lit Izzy's first, moving round the circle until he lit his last.

"So what's happening for you now Archibald?" Chop asked as he sucked on his spliff.

"If my marks are good enough I'll be going to the University of Leicester."

"That's not far." Chloe said excitedly.

"Yeah and it's got one of the best history departments in the country." Archie grinned happily.

"That's convenient." Rae raised her eyebrows.

"I've already got conditional entry." Archie sounded excited, "But I am thinking of maybe deferring for a year to do some travel and work." He shrugged. "I still got time to make that decision." Rae noticed both Tom and Finn giving Archie a worried look and she knew they were both worrying that he was deferring for them. "And you lot are back to College next year." He looked at Finn, "Still can't believe you're not leaving with me!" Finn gave him an apologetic look and Archie smiled sadly in response.

"Finlay, when I buy the mechanic you could work there instead of all this college shite you know." Chop told Finn and Finn glanced sideways at Rae uneasily.

"Yeah, I'll think about it." He muttered. Before Rae, he had been convinced that he'd probably end up working with Chop. He didn't like mechanical work exactly, but he didn't hate it either. It seemed like a fair way to make a living. Now he was considering the possibility of university, and he had the job at the radio station that had ignited other dreams and career options too.

"I'm fucking starving." Izzy suddenly said and Chop's ears perked up. The last time he'd given her pot, at the coast, she'd eaten well. He knocked on the window to the driver.

"We need some food!" He told the driver as soon as the window opened and the driver nodded and closed the window without word.

Moments later they were parked outside of a tiny caravan in the middle of a car park. Tons of drunk people and students from the ball where there while two men in the van cooked up all manner of deep fried foods. Rae looked over at a rocking car parked a few space down and grinned. She looked back at Finn and he raised his eyebrows she smiled softly and he understood that a truce was being called. He looked around and saw a few guys, one of them quite fit, checking her out, mostly staring at her breasts, but when he looked back at her, she was still looking at him. She reached out her hand to him and he took it feeling like he was home again.

"Sorry." He said softly to her. She shook her head.

"Let's go feed Izzy." She grinned, "And give Archie a good night." He nodded and they headed up to the caravan.

_'Crash Into Me' by Dave Matthews Band_

It had ended up being another three hours, eating chips and gravy with milkshakes and smoking copious amounts of marijuana, Chop sharing some with the guys in the caravan and some of the patrons too before they finally headed home. Tom dropped the keys on the side and watched Archie walking ahead of him, taking his shirt off. He noticed that the last set of cane marks he'd given him were fading nicely and became acutely aware of his own bruises. He always did when he saw Archie's bruises. It was a strange connection he had with Archie that he'd never had before; he seemed to feel Archie's pain, physical, mental, emotional. He was so enamoured with Archie that Archie had him wrapped around his little finger, not that Archie knew that, but even if he did, Tom knew he'd never abuse his power.

"University of Leicester." Tom said slowly, "It's got a good reputation." He mused, "Only 50 minutes away." He studied Archie's face, "we could definitely have that kind of long distance relationship." He grinned.

"I'm not thinking of deferring for you." Archie answered him, "I really would like to get a bit o' travel in. Go to all the places Alexander the great went. I wanna see the Oracle of Delphi…" He said wistfully.

"I'll take you." Tom answered.

"You don't like history." Archie said fondly.

"That's not true. I just don't like it as much as you." Tom reached out and took Archie's hand. "The Oracle of Delphi's in Egypt right?"

"Yeah."

"I always wanted to go there."

"You'll really come with me?" Archie asked excited.

"Yes." Tom said, "Although I'll have to organise something with my jobs…" He pulled a face and then grinned, "But we'll go exploring together for a bit, yeah?" Archie kissed Tom in response and Tom took him into his arms.

"It's been too long since we made love." Tom said looking into Archie's eyes. Archie slowly took Tom's jacket off and unbuttoned his shirt; their mouths already making love slowly, tenderly. They fell to the floor amongst their clothes, holding each other tightly.

"I love you so much. I can't fucking breathe without you." Tom said and Archie kissed him tenderly.

"I think I wanna spend the rest of my life with you." Archie confessed softly. "I know it actually." Tom had stopped breathing, unable to believe Archie was saying this to him.

"Then that's that we'll do." He said with a laugh of disbelief and happiness; he had honestly never believed that this would happen to him.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." Archie repeated in a low murmur as Tom's mouth kissed his face, his neck, his lips. He understood Finn's assertion that he'd love Rae forever. He understood it perfectly. "You're the love of my life." Archie told Tom before Tom devoured his mouth with kisses.

Izzy ripped Chop's shirt off him and he laughed in surprised delight.

"That's a fucking rental!" She bit his nipple in response and he yowled and grabbed her arms to pull her up so he could kiss her mouth. A conversation he'd had with Finn came back to him as her mouth insistently, roughly kissed his.

_I fucked Rae's cunt so hard and deep I don't know how I didn't knock her fucking tonsils out. And I pulled her hair._

_You pulled her fucking hair?_

Chop ran his hands up Izzy's body through her dress and she groaned and undid his pants aggressively.

"I want you to fuck me Chop!" She ordered, and Chop's mouth dropped, his eyes opened wide.

_And I came all over Rae and she were just like, 'hey, I liked that, let's do it again' so…_

_She liked it? Un-fucking-believable. How does this grumpy cunt end up with the most sexually perverted girl on the planet?_

She fell down on her knees and started to suck on his cock like a starving woman. Chop inhaled quickly, his body tensing up with pleasure. He watched her suck his cock in a way she never had before. They had made tender love several times over the past two days since she'd gotten back, and each time he'd made her cum, and he enjoyed that fact. But he knew it wasn't just him; it was like once she started to cum with him, she could just do it easier, or maybe he'd gotten better, but she always came at least once now because he always went down until she came before he got his cock anywhere near her pussy. And she clearly enjoyed the penetrative part of sex more now too.

_Nah Chop! Well yeah, Rae is a dirty pervert and I love it! But what I'm trying to say is; girls are more dirty than you think._

And Chop had noticed Izzy becoming more assertive during their love making. She would talk more, telling him what she liked. He'd only had to prod her gently, and she was taking it and running with it. She enjoyed this new sex life of theirs. It had made her far more sensual in the bedroom, more willing to do things like be on top, in fact she was starting to insist upon it.

_What? You reckon I could do that to Izzy?_

_I fucking know you could do that to Izzy! With the right preparation._

Chop started to realise that Izzy had just needed to feel like her desires and wants were important to him. She just needed to be heard in the bedroom, to have her desires met; and now she was erupting into a woman who wanted more. Who wanted to explore, who wanted sex and orgasms and to give and receive pleasure. All this time focusing on her and making sure he gave her orgasms during sex, Chop had thought he was just doing a very small thing that was just for her, but really he was helping Izzy build herself into a woman who was brave enough to truly express herself in terms of her sexuality. He'd been helping prepare both of them for that perverted stuff Finn had been talking about…

He put his hands on the shoulders of her dress tentatively and then tore it aggressively. She laughed.

"Yes Chop!" She groaned and leapt up into his arms like a wild tigress on the hunt. They fell back onto the bed and Chop tore the dress from her as she mounted him like he was a prey animal, riding him almost violently, forgetting to use a condom.

"Izzy!" He cried, "Condom baby!" She stopped and laughed.

"Oh no!" She kept laughing. "Oh I hope you don't get sick from the chemo!" She reached over to the bedside table and opened the drawer, grabbing a condom and putting it on him. She'd never done that before; that had always been his job. It was so sexy watching her handle that, knowing she wanted him so badly she had to get this done now and had no patience to watch him doing it.

"That was the first time I've ever… been inside a woman without a condom." He said in awe and she grinned.

"How'd it feel?"

"Good."

"You feel so warm." She smiled. "Your… cock. I mean… felt warm." Chop felt his mouth smiling, his mind was stopping at the fact that she was talking about his cock. Cock was not a word he heard Izzy say often.

"D'you like that? The warmth?" He asked and she nodded.

"When the chemo gets outta me system I'll go on the pill… get rid o' these things, yeah?" She said and he nodded, in awe of that decision; he figured they'd be using rubbers until they got married. "Now fuck me hard Arnold Peters!" She pulled him on top of her and Chop was quite happy to oblige; as hard as he could dare to go.

Chloe had never been in Rhys's house. She'd decided to keep that distance deliberately. They still weren't dating, and she wasn't sure that she was ready to go all the way with him or anyone. But she knew that she wanted something to happen with Rhys, so she'd asked to be dropped off here and had rolled her eyes at the raised eyebrow grin Rae had given her, but she'd grinned back. It had been nearly eight months since Rae had rescued her from Ian's house at the end of November. And over six months since those men in the hotel in London during New Year's.

Nearly seven months without sex of any kind. No kisses. No fondling. No caresses. Nothing.

She felt her body shaking, her stomach filled with butterflies. Every muscle in her body felt like it was fluttering wildly. She tried to take a deep breath as Rhys turned on the lights. A huge ginger Tom cat leapt in through the window and meowed loudly.

"Local stray." Rhys explained and stroked him affectionately. "I might feed him on occasion." He grinned as he went to the kitchen, the cat following him. Chloe looked in and saw a cupboard full of cat food, Rhys feeding the cat carefully and smiled, shaking her head.

"He's just a big softie really." She marvelled to herself. He came out of the kitchen.

"Do you want a drink or…?"

"Show me your bedroom." She said rather suddenly and Rhys paused.

"You sure?"

"Doesn't mean something will happen." She lowered her eyes.

"I know." He responded, "But it could be a confronting thing for you?"

"I wanna see where you sleep."

"Alright." He held out his hand and she took it gently. He led her up the hallway, "laundry. Bathroom, spare room." He listed off the rooms as they passed them. She stepped into his room, the cat walking past her and sitting on a chair in the corner.

"It's a nice room." She said, feeling comfortable in it. It wasn't the kind of room she expected from a man with Rhys's reputation. It didn't look like a place that saw a lot of action. She knew that Rhys and Elsa had history and she'd heard the rumours about Elsa. Chloe knew she couldn't compare to Elsa and she had been expecting to see some sort of sign that Elsa had been here. But there was none. It was the room of a clean, serious, single man.

"Not what you expected." He said with a knowing smile and she shook her head.

"How do you have and orgy in a place like this?"

"You don't." He answered simply.

"But don't you…?" She turned to look at him, his face calm and patient and turned away, "Don't you have a lot of sex?"

"Not recently." He said with a wry grin and she turned to give him an equally wry grin.

"Sorry." She lowered her eyes.

"Don't be sorry. Never be sorry for making the choices that are right for you Chloe." He answered, "And it's been my choice. We're not dating, I could easily pick up someone else if I wanted to." He stepped away from the door and repositioned himself on the other side of the room, so that he wasn't blocking her exit. "But that's not what you mean." He said astutely, "I have had many sexual partners in the past." He admitted, "I am a very sexual man." Rhys answered her unspoken concerns honestly.

"Bisexual?" She asked, needing to know what she was getting into.

"I haven't really applied one of those labels to myself." He kept his eyes on her, reading her carefully, "I just find people attractive."

"Which people?"

"Most people." He shrugged, "Not mad about bigots though." He leaned on his drawers and folded his hands over his lap, "doesn't mean I have sex with everyone I find attractive though."

"Have you had sex with anyone I know?" Rhys licked his lips as his eyes flicked off and Chloe's heart felt like it stopped; why was he hesitating?

"Tom and Elsa." He answered, "But Archie doesn't know." Chloe felt her heart beating again, he hesitated for Archie, not because he didn't want to tell her.

"So you do… kinky stuff?" She asked tentatively.

"Have done." Chloe liked that there was no shame or concern in the way he responded.

"D'you expect that from me?" Chloe's stomach clenched in fear, maybe she'd been wrong to come to his house; she could never be what he wanted.

"I expect you to tell me what you want if we ever get there, and I'll follow your lead." The way his eyes stayed on her face was so calming.

"What about what you want?"

"I'm a very simple man Chloe." Rhys answered with a meaningful look, "I just want you." A silence drifted between them, "But I don't expect you and I am not now, nor ever will be, entitled to you." Chloe nodded, understanding that she still had all the power here. "I will follow your lead." He finished immutably.

"Sometimes a good leader leads from behind huh?" Chloe answered, understanding that Rhys was a leader, a person that guided and shaped people. People with the kind of charisma and power he had didn't just give it up; he was guiding her in some subtle way that she didn't know.

"No." Rhys answered, understanding that rape victims found it hard to trust again and that Chloe would take some time to truly believe what he told her, "Sometimes a leader needs to know when to follow." He nodded to the door, gently reminding her that she could leave. "I will follow your lead." Chloe hadn't noticed that he'd left the door clear for her, she turned and looked at it. Thoughts of every other man she'd been with came to her; they had all blocked the door with their presence. Even her fucking PE teacher had positioned himself between her and the exit. She walked to the door, and he didn't move, just watched her silently. He meant it. He wasn't going to try to stop her from leaving. She tested the theory. She kept walking and heard Rhys slowly follow her, but he didn't gain on her, didn't stop her as she walked down the hallway. She got to his front door and opened it. He picked up his keys.

"Allow me to drive or walk you home?" He asked with no hint of menace or disappointment, maintaining a physical distance between them. She turned her eyes to him and saw his honest face. Rhys was too straight up to lie about this stuff, she understood that, so why had she felt the need to test him like this?

"You'll follow my lead…" She mumbled as she closed the front door and went to him, her heart in her mouth. She took Rhys's keys and went back to the door and dead-bolted it. Rhys's eyebrows raised slightly, he had deliberately left the door unlocked for her, now it couldn't be unlocked without the keys. She turned back to Rhys.

"I don't know what's gonna happen." She said and then she threw the keys across the room, not looking at where they landed, even though Rhys noted their location before turning his eyes back to her. "But I do wanna spend the night here." She raised her chin slightly, faking bravado, and walked to him slowly. She put her hands on his chest and Rhys kept his eyes on her, his hands staying at his side as she slowly raised her hands up his chest, reaching to take his jacket off. He let her do as she wished and the jacket fell to the floor. Her fingers fell to his waist jacket and undid the buttons slowly, and then she slowly removed that too. She undid his bowtie, and Rhys raised his chin to help her his eyes staying on her face. She was yet to make eye contact with him. Slowly she unbuttoned his shirt and Rhys held his breath, his desire for her was rising, and he had to keep it in check. Chloe let her hands run over his naked chest as she pushed the shirt from him and it fell to the floor too. She ran her fingertips over his tattoos and firm muscles, taking in his naked torso for the first time. She stepped back to take him in. She felt her whole being elate when she saw desire on his face. A deep, aching desire that was carefully controlled. She looked into his eyes and noticed that his breath was shorter than his normal long deep calming breaths.

"Take your pants off." She said softly and he nodded slightly, his eyes staying on hers as he finished undressing for her. He stood completely naked before her, while she was still fully clothed. They hadn't even kissed yet. Chloe grinned when that thought came to her. He really was going to follow her lead. To think she had this powerful man doing her bidding. She bit her bottom lip as she took in all of him.

"Bloody hell you're fit." She breathed and Rhys grinned in reply, pleased that she was satisfied with his appearance. Chloe's eyes fell to his penis and she felt that familiar ache in her body; her vagina throbbed exquisitely. "Holy hell." She took a deep breath as she watched him growing harder; his size was quite impressive and she was both scared and excited by that. Chloe licked her lips and looked back up at Rhys's face, the desire was even more obvious now, but likewise, the control he had over it was also more obvious. "Put your clothes back on." She said and he didn't hesitate, he bent to pick up his boxers. "Don't!" She laughed, "Don't get dressed." She shook her head.

"Testing the control?" He asked with an astute grin and she nodded. "You do that as much as you need to missy." Chloe felt a strange assuredness settle over her.

"I might not be able to go through with this." She explained.

"And you need to know I'll stop." He knew. He understood. "I will." Chloe looked into his eyes and believed him.

"Undress me." Rhys took a few slow steps towards her, his eyes on her face, his hands went to her face; one stroked her cheek gently, the other hand tangled in her hair and Chloe felt tears in her eyes; no one had ever done that to her before.

"You are so beautiful Chloe." He said softly, "Can I kiss you?" Chloe had never had a man more interested in kissing her than undressing her, she felt breathless and nodded slowly. He leaned in slowly, keeping is eyes on her, closing them at the last moment and kissed her lips softly. Chloe's breath caught in her throat as the kiss deepened, her head felt light and her innards squirmed joyously. Slowly Rhys undid her dress as he kissed her and it fell from her easily, leaving her in only her black lacy knickers. Chloe pressed herself against him and kissed him fervently, the passion growing steadily. She could feel his hard cock against her stomach and found she wasn't afraid of his desire.

"Let's go to your bedroom." She breathed in between his kisses and he slowly took her into his arms, carrying her to the bedroom. She giggled and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, the heat in her belly spreading through her, her desire for him taking over her senses. He gently laid her on the bed.

"Can I touch your body?" He asked as he leaned over her.

"Do what you want." She said breathlessly, wanting him more than she'd wanted any man.

"I'll stop if you say, alright?"

"I know." She answered as her hands went to his face, "I know Rhys." He kissed her, his hands gently running down her body, a groan leaving his lips; the way he desired her was incredible and Chloe felt desirable in a way she never had before; like she was worth something. Worth waiting months for, worth taking it slow, worth whatever she made him do… He'd do whatever she wanted…

She'd heard Rae talking about it… And she'd talked big about it… but the truth was, no one had ever gone down on her, and she wanted to know what it was like. Men she'd been with had always just been keen to get their dicks into her. She didn't know how to ask him. But he was kissing her neck now, and it felt so good, so she held her tongue and just enjoyed the moment. His mouth travelled down her body and Chloe strained upwards, pushing herself against his mouth, arching her body so that her breasts, and then her stomach was as close to his descending mouth as it could be. He slowly slid her knickers off, her body lifting to wherever his mouth was, his mouth following her underpants, kissing down her legs. Chloe groaned as her knickers dropped to the floor. Rhys kissed back up her legs and Chloe parted her thighs as he got higher, not daring to hope that he'd just do it without her needing to ask for it. And then his mouth was on her pussy and her head fell back, her breath gasped out of her in pleasure as his tongue found her clitoris. Chloe groaned and pushed her pelvis towards his mouth. Rhys took her lead and gently slid his middle finger inside of her, seeking to find what gave her the most pleasure. It didn't take him long to get a reaction from her, a deep groan resonated through her insides and he knew he'd found what he'd been looking for. Chloe had been masturbating for years, she knew what an orgasm was, and she had orgasmed during sex before, but never because the man was trying to make her cum, or even cared if she came. So to have Rhys doing something that was solely for her pleasure, and doing it so well, with a very clear intention to keep going until she came was one of the most incredible experiences Chloe had ever had. Again and again, Rhys made her feel like she was worth something. She didn't want it to stop, the way his finger felt inside of her, the way his tongue slid over her cunt, the growing heat in her stomach, she wanted it to last forever. She cried out loudly, surprising herself when that heat ignited and orgasm ripped through her violently. Her whole body shook and she completely lost herself in that moment; it was perfect, she was perfect for one moment. She felt him slowly kissing back up her body and felt fear tingling in her insides. Now he'd expect to be able to use her body to cum. She didn't know if she was ready for it. But she kissed his mouth when he finally returned to her. After a long time kissing he knelt and reached into his bedside drawer. She watched him carefully put on a condom, her insides in turmoil. But when he returned to her, kneeling between her thighs, her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him close so he wouldn't see any trace of fear she couldn't keep off her face. She had to do it. She owed him now. And besides that; if she didn't do it now, she might never do it again.

"Do it." She whispered into his ear and he groaned with desire, gently rubbing the head of his cock along her cunt. Chloe felt her insides trembling, she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure. He started to slide into her slowly, gently.

"Stop!" She said suddenly; the fear getting the better of her and Rhys instantly sat up onto his heels, his penis withdrawn from her. She watched him, kneeling between her thighs, taking in a deep breath, his eyes closed, his palms rubbing along his thighs; reigning in that desire. She worried about what he'd say, would he be angry, would he withdraw his affection, would he tell her she owed him?

His eyes opened slowly; his body still panting with desire.

"Alright." He said with a tight smile that slowly grew more genuine, "Alright." He nodded, "Whatever you need Chloe." She looked up at him, not knowing what she felt.

"I don't know what I need." She said, a tear slipping down her cheek. "I'm sorry." She cried as she sat up, "I'm sorry, I know I owe you now, but I don't know if I can!" She buried her face in her hands not wanting to see how he would look at her; disappointment, annoyance? Would he look at her like she was a stupid broken girl? Rhys wanted to hold her, but understood that his physicality might trigger her, so he kept his hands to himself.

"Chloe you don't owe me anything." He said firmly. "Not a thing."

"But you went down." She said.

"That was my choice and I enjoyed every minute of it." She looked up at him with a surprised face.

"You enjoyed that? Why would you enjoy it?" Rhys rubbed his face as he tried to take stock of what she'd asked him. She thought a man couldn't enjoy something in sex that didn't involve his own cock; that a man couldn't enjoy just giving pleasure to his partner.

"Has no one ever done that to you before?" He asked and Chloe looked away.

"Course they have." She lied. But Rhys saw the lie and nodded slowly, understanding now just how deep the scars were with her; no man had ever made love to her, they'd all just used her for their own pleasure. Chloe didn't know how to take a man that wanted to pleasure her. No man she'd been with had done right by her, and several had deliberately harmed her. Rhys felt a deep sadness and wished he could just take it all away from her; she deserved so much better than what had happened to her.

Chloe waited for him to push her, either to tell the truth or to have sex. But she felt him get up off the bed, and slowly she looked over at him as he took off the condom and slipped some pants on and once again positioned himself so she had access to the door.

"The keys fell between the middle cushions on the green sofa." He told her. "I can do whatever you want here." He licked his lips, "You can leave, either with or without me escorting you home, whatever makes you feel safest." He scrunched up his face, "I'd feel safer if you let me take you home though." Chloe's heart dropped, he was kicking her out; he was doing it nicely, but that's what was happening. "Or," he continued, "If you still wanna stay, I can make up the spare bed for you." He said and Chloe's inside squirmed; he wasn't kicking her out, he was giving her options. "Or if you wanna stay in my bed, I can just hold you, or not." He said with a small smile, "Or, we can just make out; kissing you is… incredible. It doesn't have to go further tonight." He nodded slowly, Chloe not doubting that he really meant it. "Or if you still wanna fool around, I can leave me pants on and I can go down again; as many times as you'll let me. The taste of you is out o' this world missy." Chloe felt her face crimson and she looked down with a slight disbelieving laugh. "No matter what you choose, you don't owe me anything. And you never will. No matter how many times I go down on you. No matter what happens. Your no… or stop…. Is a complete sentence; it does not need explaining, and I will always respect it." His eyes dropped to the still obvious bulge in his pants, although it had lessened significantly upon seeing her cry, "And if the erection bothers you, I can always have a private man moment… or several… and get rid of him, every time he arises." Chloe chuckled softly.

"I've never had anyone go down before." She admitted softly, "And once you'd done that, I knew that I owed you and I had no way out… I had to go through with it." She looked up at him.

"No you don't." Rhys said, "You will never have to do something you don't want to with me Chloe." He nodded and then a wry smile came across his mouth, "no matter how hard it is to stop." He said honestly, "I will always stop. Never doubt it. Your body. Your choice." Chloe took that in and looked down at her naked body; her insides squirming with trepidation, her cunt still aching for him, the small taste she'd gotten wasn't enough.

"I want you to make love to me." She said softly, "But I don't know if I can go through with it."

"Maybe tonight isn't-" Rhys started.

"I wanna try again." She said with the same determination Rhys had seen on her face when she had grabbed his hand and put it to her throat. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.

"Are you sure?"

"I might say stop again." She said in an apologetic tone.

"Then I'll stop again." He answered, "Don't be sorry about it, alright?" She nodded and opened her arms up to him. He saw the way she was shaking, but slowly went to her, his pants still on. She drew him onto the bed, this time lying him down, she leaned over him and kissed his mouth. His hands crept up to her face, stroking her skin and hair tenderly. Their kissing slowly grew in intensity, building up her desire again.

"Get them pants off you." She said firmly and he lifted his pelvis and pulled them off as she reached to get another condom, as soon as they were gone she looked down at his cock, almost afraid to touch it; she hadn't really touched one for a long time. She took hold of it and slowly slid the condom on, Rhys's eyes staying on her face the whole time. She could see the control he was keeping in place as she straddled him, her hands leaning on his chest. Chloe looked down at Rhys for some time and he reached up and stroked her face again, the soft slow movement reassuring her that she had all the time in the world; he wasn't going to rush her. Her eyes stayed on his as she reached between her legs and guided his cock into her, slowly letting his full length slide inside of her for the first time. She saw Rhys blink slowly, his mouth opening with pleasure. She stopped, perfectly still, her eyes closed, just feeling him inside of her, feeling him completely fill her, Rhys laid there and let her do as she wanted. She tightened herself around him and he sighed softly. Slowly the fear in her eased and she started to move on him, sliding him in and out of her, she opened her eyes to see him looking up at her face with adoration and desire. She laughed slightly and leaned down to kiss him, his hands slowly started to caress her body and she moaned in response. And then he slowly started to thrust up from under her and she groaned, feeling her insides already wanting to explode with pleasure.

"Rhys." She groaned happily. Finally, she was making love, for the first time in her life. She wasn't getting fucked by some guy. She was making love to him.

"Chloe." He returned between kisses, his hand again finding her face and stroking her hair lovingly.

Finn closed the door softly; his dad would be asleep in his room upstairs. Luckily, Gary was a heavy sleeper, especially after air travel, and he'd only gotten back from Sutherland an hour or so before he'd driven Finn to Rae's house. Finn knew that his dad would have had a few sherries and fallen into a deep sleep that nothing short of an apocalypse would wake him from. But he still didn't want to tempt fate; he had business with Rae tonight. So he closed the door to the stairs before turning to Rae.

"I'm sorry about afore." He said softly, his eyes on hers, waiting for the previous anger he'd seen to rise up. But she was silent, her eyes watching him, waiting for what he had to say. "Like you said girl, old worries have a way o' coming back." Rae noticed his sad face and felt her body ache for him; she hated to see him miserable like this. "I let that happen tonight. And I'm so sorry Rae." He ached to hear her voice. Whenever she was silent it made him crumble inside.

"I can't be angry at you for that." She said softly, her eyes still on his, "I let it happen sometimes too. Probably always will." She shrugged, "no matter how hard we try, the same old fears are always circling in the shadows. We fight against 'em… sometimes it's easier than at other times." She walked to him and put a hand on his face, "we gotta help each other when our old worries start to bite like wolves, alright?"

"Aye." His hand went to her hand on his face and he closed his eyes, leaning into her hand. They'd come so far, and he felt so secure and safe with her; but he could hardly believe that she had forgiven him. He didn't deserve her; she was more than perfect.

"I don't deserve you Rae." He said sadly. She took his face in her hands.

"Please don't ever think that way." She said sadly, "You're best thing that's ever happened to me Finn." She kissed him and he tasted her hungrily; he had been so scared she would reject him tonight, he feared they would argue, that they would spend the night apart. But she kissed him deeply, her mouth sweet and insistent. Slowly she pulled back, leaving her forehead on his. Finn's hands crept to her waist and held her.

"I love you Finn." She said softly, "More than anything, you have to know that." Finn was silent for a moment and then nodded.

"Alright."

"But you don't know it." She whispered. She kissed him again and pulled back to look at him. She stroked his face, looking adoringly at him and Finn felt his insides clench; he really didn't deserve her. How could she be looking at him with so much love when he had been such an arse tonight?

"I love you." He said to her and watched the way her whole body smiled when he said that. But after a moment her face grew serious.

"What do you want me to do about Phillip?" He looked at her face, confused, but her expression was sincere and resolute

"Why are you asking me?" Finn felt his mouth growing dry. He knew why she was asking him. Because tonight he had asserted himself as the boss, he had claimed her as his property, and she was acquiescing to this. He felt nauseous. This was not what he wanted; he loved her carefree and cheeky nature, he didn't want her to be under his thumb.

"I already told you, I won't make you think that I'd choose him over you. I won't have it. I'll cut ties with him." She said in a determined voice and Finn was disappointed with himself because his first internal reaction was to order her to do it; to cut ties with a friend, so that he wouldn't have to deal with his own foolish jealously. Rae had never given him reason to doubt her, and she didn't treat Phillip differently than Chop or any other male friend in her life. Finn's problem wasn't with the way Rae acted, it was with Phillip. Hell, Finn had watched Mike manhandle her with more humour than he watched Phillip ask her how her day had been.

"You'd do that for me?" He hated that these words escaped him, and that they sounded so desirous.

"Of course I would. Why would you think I wouldn't?" She answered firmly.

"Because he's your mate!" Finn felt outraged at himself. He'd hate it if Rae told him he couldn't be friends with Izzy or Chloe. Even after Chloe had kissed him, Rae had never insisted that they not be friends. She'd watched closer, but had never told him to stay away; he'd chosen to do that, and if he was honest, he made that decision as much for himself as Rae; he didn't trust Chloe not to try something again. Phillip had never even tried to kiss Rae; she had no reason to keep him away other than Finn's jealousy. Even though Phil had feelings for Rae, he kept them mostly under control, even Finn had to acknowledge that. Finn hated how this conversation was going; hated what his temper had done to her.

"Aye." She answered honestly, "He is my friend." She sucked her bottom lip for a moment, "and I really enjoy his friendship. He's whip-smart, funny and he notices things I don't; has an interesting way o' seeing things." Rae said slowly, "and he's passionate about things that I'm passionate about. And I enjoy spending time with him. I really don't wanna lose his friendship. I care about him probably almost as much as anyone in the gang." She said all of this artlessly; she was listing the reasons she cared for him as a friend, as she would if she were talking about Chloe, "But I will cut ties with him in a second. Without hesitation. If you tell me to. If that's what you need." Finn felt the weight of her words on his chest.

_If you tell me to._

His mind took those words and mulled them over. He enjoyed their sexual power struggle, but in the reality of building a life together, he had no desire to control her or make decisions for her. He didn't want this power over her. He didn't want to be Ray Jones.

"You're more important than anything Finn. You're more important than any friend." He watched her swallow and knew there were tears in her that she was repressing. It was hard for her to hand him all of her autonomy like this, to give him all the power over her; she enjoyed being her own person, she was strong and he liked thinking of her as his warrior. He liked her power and strength. He hated seeing her do this. But even this was its own strength; she would do whatever it took for him. The realisation of that hit him hard and he had to look away from her calm face.

"I've been such an arse." He muttered, closing his eyes and letting his feelings settle for a moment. "You have to have whatever friends you want." He said firmly, "it's not for me to stop you. I don't own you!" He said forcefully, his eyes finding hers.

"But you do." She said softly, "I'm yours Finn." She took his hands and when he looked away she put her hand on his face and gently made him look at her, "I'm yours, don't you understand?" One of those repressed tears snaked down her cheek and Finn felt his inside breaking apart, what had he done? "I belong to you." She whispered.

"No Rae." He said softly. But she didn't hear him, she took in a shuddering breath.

"I'll stay away from him. I won't talk to him. I won't look at him. If I see him on the street, I'll turn around and walk away." Finn saw the desperation on her face; she needed him to understand that she would actually do whatever it took for him. Even be consumed by him. Finn closed his eyes, the action squeezing tears from his eyes. The sting of her using the words he'd used to intimidate and threaten Phillip, as an order, a shackle upon her own actions made him realise just how controlling they were.

"I won't hesitate to do that for you. If you need this Finn, I'll do it."

"No please." He felt himself begging her, "Please don't." Finn felt shame burning through his chest, "Don't do this." He took her face in his hands, "No one tells you what to do Rae." He said firmly, "We belong together… it's not the same as you belong to me. Alright?" He kissed her gently, "I don't own you! I don't!" He stroked her face, "I fucked up Rae. I fucked up. Please don't… please don't let that change you."

"So what do you want me to do?" She asked helplessly.

"Please…" He lowered his head in shame.

"I just wanna prove to you that I love you." She whispered soothingly to him.

"You don't have to." He returned the whisper, "I'm so sorry Rae." He looked up at her, "I call you me girl… but I don't own you, you understand?" He took her face into his hands again, "You make your own decisions." Rae saw how urgently he needed this from her and she nodded.

"Alright." She replied, not sure what else to do.

"Can we just pretend that shite tonight never happened?" He begged, "Just go back to the way it were before?" He stroked her hair, "you're mates with Phil and I hate the pillock."

"Pillock?" Rae asked, "Maybe I shouldn't be friends with someone you think is a pillock…?"

"I don't have to like him Rae!" Finn said urgently, "Even if he is a good friend o' yours." He used his thumbs to stroke under her eyes, gently taking her tears off her cheeks. "I can't stand to make you lose a friend Rae. Not one. No matter who they are."

"Finn…"

"I insist." And Finn stopped, realising that now he was trying to force her to keep a friendship. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you!" Rae said firmly, "We'll get through this too, alright?" He nodded slowly, awed by that strength of hers. "Now are you sure you want me to maintain a friendship with someone you loathe so much?"

"You don't need my permission." Finn answered through clenched teeth.

"I'm asking for your opinion." Finn looked up into her determined face, she'd already adapted to his needs again, now she was being stronger because he'd asked her to be. How often did she do something like this for him? And then he realised something that calmed him; how often did he do it for her? Negotiating a life with someone was tricky, and it required a lot of give and take and compromise and adaptability. And they were both willing to do whatever it took for each other. They were going to make it. The knowledge of this washed over Finn and he felt calmer than he had in a long time.

"Yeah I'm sure." Finn said with a genuine grin and he saw Rae noticeably settle as soon as she saw it, "Keep your dickhead mate." And Rae laughed, "Phillip don't mean nothing to our relationship." Rae nodded slowly.

"Alright." She said softly, she started to say 'are you sure' again, but Finn's mouth was on hers and she felt his deep insistent kiss waking up some very lusty desires that had been stirring in her all night.

"D'you wanna make us a brew and I'll meet you upstairs?" He asked unexpectedly; he always offered to make things for her, never asked her to do them for him.

"Alright." She said with a small smile. He kissed her again and went to the door, heading upstairs quickly and quietly.

Rae turned to the kettle and turned it on before starting a long search for sugar.

Eventually, after some time, Rae had managed to gather all the ingredients for tea from a kitchen that was organised in no discernibly logical manner. She carried the teas upstairs and found that Finn had pulled the door closed, but not latched it, meaning she could easily push it open with her elbow.

She paused on the threshold, amazed. He had lit dozens of candles around the room and scattered wildflowers everywhere. Wildflowers. She'd always prefer them to the more traditional flowers girls were supposed to get from their lads. He was sitting on the bed, his tie and top few buttons undone, lighting another candle and he looked up at her with a crooked grin. He leaned over and turned some music on, the volume relatively low, as Rae put the tea down.

"It's a mixtape I did for you." He said softly and when Rae heard 'Moby Octopad' by Yo La Tengo begin she smiled at how well he knew her; she'd barely even mentioned this song to Finn, he'd just noticed how she liked it. Finn reached out and touched her thigh as the song played, writing the lyrics that had first made her love this song on her thigh

_Locked in a kiss_

_Outside eyes cease to exist_

"I know that lots o' girls are going somewhere tonight to lose their virginity with their lads." He pulled a face and Rae chuckled, "The night of the summer ball is s'posed to be kinda special." He looked around at the room and back to Rae.

"It is special." Rae grinned and Finn stood up, his hands going to her waist.

"I don't even know how to get you outta o' this dress." He said softly his hands running up her sides, "Not entirely sure I wanna." He kissed her, pulling her close, his hands exploring her body through the dress, his fingers looking for a zipper. "How do I get you outta this dress?" He whispered urgently after a few minutes of heated kissing. Rae hitched up her skirt slowly and leaned back against his desk, Finn grinned and undid his zipper, leaving the button done up so his pants would stay up and lifted her thighs to wrap around him, he slid into her slowly, pulling her closer, enjoying the way her thighs held him tightly. He stroked her face staring into her eyes, both of them understanding how fragile and vulnerable they still felt after their argument, but both of knowing that the relationship was stronger than ever.

"You're my world." Rae told him as they made love, their kisses deep and intimate, "I will spend the rest of my life with you." She whispered to him through soft, gasping moans of pleasure and long scintillating kisses. "I love you."

"A lifetime isn't long enough." Finn whispered to her, his love for her overwhelming him, "even forever isn't long enough."

_'Hey You' by Pink Floyd_

"How'd the night go?" His father asked as he poured over his work.

"Fine." Phillip answered as he headed towards his room.

"Did you get the girl yet?" His father asked and Phillip looked away, unimpressed.

"Not yet."

"I like that Chloe girl." His father folded his arms, "You make an excellent couple."

"She's a mate." Phillip answered.

"You should make her more than a friend."

"I'm pursuing a girl named Rachel, father."

"Hm." His father answered, "The one who calls herself Rae?"

"Yep. That's the one." Phil had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"Your tone." His father warned and Phillip smiled grimly.

"Sorry father."

"She's got a far better mind on her than Chloe." He considered, "but she hardly looks the part does she?"

"She does to me." Phillip answered tightly. He'd already had this discussion with his mother; she preferred Chloe too, in terms of how she'd look attending formal gatherings with the family. His family was one that was obtaining wealth all the time, and keeping up appearances was an important part of that. They were in Stamford for the next three years while his father sorted out something with the retail sector. Phillip deliberately didn't learn the business; he had no intention of joining his father's company. He was going to change his name and go into acting.

"I think you'll be pursuing Chloe now, son. Although we'll have to change that ridiculous name of hers." His father said with a paternalistic smile before he turned back to his work. It was exactly this that had driven his sister out of their lives.

"Can I spend the summer break in the London house, father?" Phillip asked politely, refusing to acknowledge his father's order.

"This house is awful isn't it?" He asked as if he understood Phillip's motives for wanting to get away to London; really Phillip just wanted to be away from his parents.

"Yes father. It's rather pokey and small." Phillip answered in a way that he knew would make his father let him leave.

"Couldn't do much better on short notice." His father answered grumpily, "and now we're here, we're staying put until we go back to London!"

"Of course." He hated how pretentious his father was. They were new wealth, new as in Phil still remembered being poor and calling his father dad.

"That's a good lad. I'll get James to drive you home tomorrow."

"I can drive myself if you don't mind?" His father nodded and waved him off. Phillip hated the driver, his name was Erroll, but his father called him James. Erroll was every bit as pretentious as his parents. Phillip went upstairs to his room and sat on his bad. He knew that his paintings of Rae were beneath his bed and it left a warm glow in the pit of his stomach.

None of his artworks were on display. His father didn't approve of his love of the arts, but his mother did, so Phillip got away with all the classes he did, but he wasn't allowed to show any of the outcomes of these classes. He'd stopped asking them to come to his performances, and he kept all his art under his bed carefully packaged for when he got a place of his own. He had saved tens of thousands of pounds from his overly generous allowance and as soon as his education was finished, he was headed to London to find an acting job. He intended to study acting at university. His father would hit the roof; probably threaten to cut him off just like he had Kelsey. Phil had learned not to care; to not be frightened of people with tempers. That brought his mind to Finn and he mulled everything over for a while. He kicked off his shoes and laid back on his bed. He knew that Rae and her friends would all be in the limo by now, driving to wherever they were going. She'd probably end up at Finn's house, and they'd probably have sex.

He thought back to first time he'd really noticed Rae; singing on that stage. He'd seen her before, shared a laugh with her, but that was when he knew he had feelings for her. It had been quite unexpected. Until that moment he had been following his father's life plan for him without question; he'd even dated the girls his father told him to date. Sometimes he wished he'd realised how perfect Rae was sooner and gotten in before Finn, and sometimes he wished he'd never met her. He just wanted to love someone that could love him back. He had tried to not love Rae, and when Chloe had shown obvious interest in him during tennis lessons, he'd tried to feel the interest in return, and to a certain degree he did. But it was a purely physical thing with Chloe. With Rae, it was physical, mental, emotional; she was the one.

Six weeks in London would do him well. He had a lot of friends in London, most of them from before the wealth had destroyed his family. Phillip intended to get up to no good these holidays; it'd do him good to be less tightly-wound for a while.

And out of the darkness there came a sudden tiny speck of light.

He felt like he had been drowning for all of the time he could remember.

How much time could he remember?

Eons.

Just a millisecond.

Time turned in on itself, an eternity was a minute. A second was infinite.

Roiling, bubbling utter stillness. The darkness encroached all around.

Darkness that went on for all of the known universe; forever.

Darkness that was no thicker than a whisker; a whisper could break it down.

Darkness that went no further than he could see. As far as his eye could see.

Darkness within and without.

Darkness pouring into his mouth and spewing out of his soul.

A pinprick.

A miniscule entity of hope.

A single star in a blackened night.

It grew, and he felt the warmth from it.

Crackling, sinuous whispers in the darkness.

Leaves mouldering to nothingness. That dank smell of shame.

Always. Had always been there.

How long was always?

It had never been.

He had never existed other than in this exact moment.

Not before. Not after. Only now.

But always he felt the eyes on him; peering from the darkness.

Or was it the darkness itself looking, watching, waiting?

One false move boy and the darkness swallows you…

A light!

He could almost smell it.

Smell the small hole in the darkness.

Taste what lay in the light.

Beyond the light.

In the tear in his world.

What world? There was no world.

Only a void of darkness.

The weight of the empty black surrounding him crashed down on him, even as he reached towards the ever widening gape of light.

The light bulged in towards him, tempting him even as the dark pressed into his lungs.

Penetrated him like a lover.

A lover that hated him.

He wanted to scream, but his throat was clogged up with something.

He seemed to only recall just now ever having had a throat.

What was a throat?

What was in his throat?

I CAN'T BREATHE! The darkness reverberated through his ears.

The sudden panic of this swept through him and he tried to scream; the darkness threatening to pull him back down.

The light spread its tendrils towards him while the blackness wrapped tentacles around his waist.

He felt his lungs struggle, his throat blocked.

And then sounds.

Sounds.

What was this?

He heard things as if he had never heard before.

The sounds came from the tear in the fabric of his world. The place that was streaming light down on him while he sat blinking and cowering, shading his eyes from the brightness.

Eyes?

Eyes?

Why would he have eyes when he had always lived in darkness?

That noise!

What is that noise?

Bip.

Bip.

Bip.

It was speeding up.

Was something coming closer?

What was coming for him?

NO! no no nononononono.

Why wouldn't his throat work?

The darkness seemed to be falling away from him.

The light was engulfing him in a painful bright cacophony of new experiences.

Feelings, thoughts, sensations.

What's that in the back of my hand?

Hand?

_I have hands!_

_I'd forgotten._

Thoughts…

Sensations.

Sounds.

A cool breath of a breeze on his skin.

_WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY FUCKING THROAT!_

Thoughts….

_I have thoughts. That are my own… not things that the darkness puts inside me…_

The darkness threatening him again, but the smell of… the smell of what? Assaulted him.

Bleach.

He tried to scream again. He couldn't break free and there were too many sensations. Too much was happening.

He panicked and the bipping noise sped up again. Something was coming for him; something had followed him out of the darkness, it would devour him and he'd never escape!

Liam opened his eyes.

And immediately he retched weakly.

His throat.

His throat was blocked.

His hands automatically shot up to his mouth and he felt a tube taped into his mouth.

His fingertips scrabbled with the tape, panic and retching taking him.

And then he managed to reef the feeding tube from his throat with a loud retch.

He dropped it and gasped, the nausea slowly ebbing.

The bip of the machine grew steady again.

He felt weak, his eyes hurt from the light and he looked around the empty room.

There was no one.

Just him.

Alone.

As expected.


End file.
